Reply to What do people mean when they say 2 kids is really hard?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't have two but I don't see what's so hard to get.  My son is 19 months.  When he naps, we relax (WOHP).  When he sleeps at night, he goes to bed at 7:30 and we don't hear from him until 6:30am most nights.  Add a newborn to that?  No sleep, constantly chasing after the older one, no time alone with either, having to try to teach the older one about sharing his parents while simultaneously trying to pump/teach baby to eat/sleep etc - what's not to understand?[/quote]

Yes.  Regarding the first year, I agree with this. (Minus the nasty and condescending attitude.)

It's definitely a juggle the first year, and you will likely lose whatever downtime you may have had with one.  That first year, I felt like I was always "on," and it was exhausting.  (Though I've observed that the larger the spacing between DC#1 and DC#2, the easier the first-year transition will be on you, the parent.)

Beyond the first year, having two is still more challenging than one, but it does get easier.  Ours are now 5 and 2.  Nights and naps are a breeze.  Both sleep well and on almost the same schedules, so we get plenty of downtime then.

When they're awake, it's definitely more challenging than either one alone would be.  For me, it's managing all the different needs and requests coming my way.  Yes, they play together quite well and they often entertain each other without help for large stretches.  But they both have different needs/requests/complaints . . . and also all sorts of adorable observations/comments/songs/silly games, too.  So both positive and negative, it can feel to me like a lot to juggle.  I'm a terrible multi-tasker, so I try to be intentional about doing one thing at a time, which is tough with two kids (even though individually they're both very easy kids.)

And then there are the logistics -- getting everyone bathed, dressed, fed and out the door.  Everything takes more effort and time.  I'm not sure it's exactly twice as much.  But definitely more.  Plus sick days.  Two kids usually means twice the sick days.

On the plus side, I really love having two.  Each is an amazing child, and together they have a relationship and a connection that takes my breath away at timees.  Watching them interact and play is one of my favorite things in life.  It's almost impossible to imagine one without the other at this point.

I will say the smartest thing I've done is to arrange my schedule so I get regular one-on-one time with each child.  It's a consistent part of our lives, and it's very important to me.  In those stretches I'm able to connect more deeply and really eangage at their level rather than try to split the difference with their sibling's interests/needs.  I've also realized that I'm infinitely more patient and relaxed when I'm with only one.  It's helped me realize that most of my frustration at this point is about the "juggle," not about either child on their own.  (Put another way, when I'm with only one, it feels MUCH EASIER in every way than having both.)  
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