What do people mean when they say 2 kids is really hard?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I only have one and am really trying to understand why having 2 is such a huge shift. Can anyone describe the main differencs in your life between before and after you had your second? TIA |
Anonymous
| How old is your one kid? That might explain why you don't see it... |
Anonymous
| Shes 3.5. |
Anonymous
| OP here again. And I am barely getting through my days with DD, so the thought of 2 terrifies me, but I do have depression. From my viewpoint people with 2 must be on the brink of misery each day, but I want to understand exactly whats different once you have 2. |
Anonymous
|
For me the biggest difference from 1 to 2 is that you never really get a break. At least when it was just 1 kid, one parent could be "off duty" every once in a while.
With 2, it's just harder to do that. |
Anonymous
| I don't have two but I don't see what's so hard to get. My son is 19 months. When he naps, we relax (WOHP). When he sleeps at night, he goes to bed at 7:30 and we don't hear from him until 6:30am most nights. Add a newborn to that? No sleep, constantly chasing after the older one, no time alone with either, having to try to teach the older one about sharing his parents while simultaneously trying to pump/teach baby to eat/sleep etc - what's not to understand? |
Anonymous
Thank you for this clear post, says she with 2. |
Anonymous
Agree with this poster. It's two different personalities to learn to handle; two sets of food preferences and in our case, one set of bad food allergies. Twice the doctors and dental appointments. Lots of fights and tears (though lots of sweet moments too). Twice the worries and often different kinds of worries- one child is tall and skinny and we were told to get his weight back up; the other one is short and husky and we worry that she weighs and eats too much. Making dinner is hard to fit both kids' needs and as I mentioned, one has food allergies. When the younger one was napping several times a day, I felt trapped in the house because someone was napping all day long. |
Anonymous
| I also have one child and he is 3.5-- at this point adding a second child would not be the insanity that I've seen in my friends who've had kids 2 years apart or closer. But anytime I do something with him that's exhausting, I think yikes, thank goodness I didn't also have to feed / change a baby, etc. So go ahead- have another one. |
Anonymous
But what about when they play together, doesnt that balance things out? Sorry for the ignorance, it's why i have to ask. |
Anonymous
|
I have two kids, they turned 2 and 5 last week. Third to be born in 5 weeks. I don't find it hard. My kids are always clean, well dressed, fed. I still manage to be early every day of my life, go to the gym, cook dinner, and run my own business.
I let go of the small things that some people obsess over. Maybe that's my secret. |
Anonymous
| My friends with two seem to have the same issue as PPs of no break. If the older one is napping, the younger one is awake. When the older one wakes up, then the younger one falls asleep, so they end up being house bound for big portions of the day. They can't keep the older one cooped up, so they go out, but then have to chase a toddler around the playground while wearing the baby/pushing the stroller. Toddler might be old enough to stay out a bit later or miss naps, but baby can't, so they are pretty much locked onto a baby schedule with an antsy toddler who just wants to be freeeeee. In the summer, they couldn't go to the pool in the hot parts of the day because of the baby getting burnt/overheating. The baby might suddenly lose it when toddler is having fun at a playdate, necessitating a fast exit, wherein the toddler starts to meltdown cause they want to play. It's putting one in the car while putting the other down, getting two out of the car, into the store, hoping the toddler walks next to the buggy since the baby has to ride. Honestly, my friends with 2 exhaust me just by watching them. It seems like every l i t t l e thing is compounded by ten, not just by one. |
Anonymous
Yes, this. If I am awake, I'm busy. But I totally think it's worth it. I have a 4.5 yo and a 7 mo. I really like our new family dynamic. I also have depression, btw. |
Anonymous
|
Who keeps saying it's so hard?
I'm a SAHM with 2 under 3. It's HARD. I love it and I'm a SAHM by choice, but it's chaos. I've got two in diapers, both still need help getting in and out of carseats, the oldest isn't old enough to trust walking independently in parking lots and such so I either use a double stroller or a single and push one handed while holding my oldest's hand. Running errands are so unbelievably stressful and time consuming because of this. I'm always on guard for a meltdown, needing to give a bottle, a poopy diaper, etc. at any given time. I'm a slave to naps. I have to entertain my oldest while the baby has his morning nap and by the time he's woken and I've gotten everyone fed, changed, coats on, in car seats, diaper bag packed, change the baby after he spits up all over his third outfit, oldest poops as we're walking out, I have time to run one errand before it's lunchtime (which I've thankfully mastered on the go) and racing back for naptime. The only moment I have to myself is if their naps overlap and then I try and get dinner or household stuff taken care of. I think having two kid spaced further apart would have made a big difference. I also think if I WOH, it would be very different. Weekends and evenings would still be hard, but the days are really what challenge me. |
Anonymous
|
They fight with each other
They fight for your attention They fight over who gets in or out of the car first One or the other is always taking off when you're trying to shop for groceries or socks or whatever They won't both eat the same food on the same day Etc etc etc |