sleepovers when your dd's friends have older brothers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you are telling me that when my kids are older DD shouldn't be allowed to have sleepovers bc she has an older (and younger) brother?

Some people here would expect you to send the sons away for the night. Your DH too. Only women allowed in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, since you're the one who's most concerned, and you're the one who is ultimately responsible for your daughter's safety, the burden is on you to ask who else will be in the house.

Maybe it's a creepy older brother, maybe it's creepy grandparents living in a downstairs apartment, maybe it's creepy neighbors, maybe it's a creepy pet. No one else can predict what might scare you, so YOU need to be the one to begin the conversation.

+1

[Anonymous]

Just ask the parents to tell you next time if their son is also having overnight guests. I don't understand what you mean by "within your rights." This is a situation that reasonable people could differ on. Just let this family know what your preference is, politely, and without recrimination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you are telling me that when my kids are older DD shouldn't be allowed to have sleepovers bc she has an older (and younger) brother?

Some people here would expect you to send the sons away for the night. Your DH too. Only women allowed in the house.

Really? DH is kicked out so DD can have a sleep over? You are nuts.

[Anonymous]

I think this is over-reacting. I assume OP and anyone posting has talked to the parents and confirmed they will be there, understands level of supervision, and so on. This doesn't seem concerning to me. Also I hope everyone is talking to their daughters about this as well. Not that it is a young girl's responsibility to ward off this kind of thing but it's just one more level of protection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm not a paranoid person and generally am pretty chill, but I think it is a reasonable thing to want to know what older boys will be at a sleepover of preteen girls. In general I think it would be great if the older brother could arrange to be over at someone else's house.

I have an older boy and a younger girl, and lately I have started letting people know where the older boy will be, and whether he'll have a friend over himself. If so, I keep a close eye out. THe kids are all good kids, but the boys are now at the age where they can get really goofy and inappropriate, and the younger girls frankly are a great audience to egg them on.

+1

OP, you are not being paranoid IMO. I have two girls and a boy, and my son and his pals are all great kids, but they are also getting to the age when the rough-housing and carousing can border on the inappropriate. So I keep a watchful eye on my younger DD, just because while these are good boys, they don't have the sense to know when to stop, and my youngest loves to run with the pack. I would never have them over when DD is having a sleepover, and I make it a point to let her friends' parents know who will be in the house. Just as l ask if there are any food allergies, or if they mind friendly dogs. Full disclosure and common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you trust the parents of DD's friend to keep her, you should trust them to manage their own son.

NP. I don't think it's just the older son who is an issue. He will be having other male friends spend the night, also.

[Anonymous]

My DD's favorite friend has a teenage brother. The girls are 9, the brother is 14. They're a good family, they pick good friends, I dont worry.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't allow my 9 YO DD to sleep over the house of one friend at all - because she has a high school aged brother.

It happens. Your job is to protect your kid. Have the sleep over at your own house.

[Anonymous]

OP,

You found out after the fact. Maybe it was a last-minute invitation and your daughter was already there and the parents didn't see any point in calling? I've got a teen and planning is not a strong suit! I cannot tell you how many times my teen has called at 9 PM and asked to sleep over a friend's as opposed to my picking him up at 10 PM as originally planned. (I know the parents, the parents are home ... ) Not sure how you should handle this moving forward, especially considering the last-minute sleepover planning among male teens!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, since you're the one who's most concerned, and you're the one who is ultimately responsible for your daughter's safety, the burden is on you to ask who else will be in the house.

Maybe it's a creepy older brother, maybe it's creepy grandparents living in a downstairs apartment, maybe it's creepy neighbors, maybe it's a creepy pet. No one else can predict what might scare you, so YOU need to be the one to begin the conversation.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Of course, I will have all male members of my family stay in a hotel when your Vestall Virgin is staying overnight. Some of you people are crazy!! This is also their home and I do not have to clear it with you if they have a male friend stay overnight. One of the problems, I have come across, is the over-sexed tweens coming on to my son when he was a jr. and sr. in high school. If I invite you to dinner or a party, will you ask me who else is invited? No, you won't. You also have no right to ask if there will be any males that you do not know staying at my house. Every me is NOT a latent pedophile .

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. It is one thing for you to feel comfortable with DD's friends brothers in the house--that in and of itself is a hurdle. But the brother's friends over on the same night? NOT COOL. The other mom is not being considerate at all--she shouldn't just assume you'd be fine with all of this. You should call her and tell her that you're sorry--but you're just not comfortable with it because you don't know the brother's friend or their family at all.
SHE WILL SAY: Oh don't worry, he's fine! (I hate when people do this--it is really a put down of you as though your concerns are not valid.) BE STRONG, DO NOT CAVE. She has made this choice for you and she really doesn't have the right to do this. When you entrust your child to a friend's house for a sleep over, ESPECIALLY A GIRL, you should be virtually certain of who will actually be at the house. You should feel comfortable (within reason--I mean you can't background check everyone!) with all of the people that are going to be in the house. If the friend seems like the type that has random males "dropping by" or who has sons who have random "friends" spending the night, that is REALLY NOT A SAFE SITUATION FOR YOUR DAUGHTER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you are telling me that when my kids are older DD shouldn't be allowed to have sleepovers bc she has an older (and younger) brother?

Some people here would expect you to send the sons away for the night. Your DH too. Only women allowed in the house.

Really? DH is kicked out so DD can have a sleep over? You are nuts.

I didn't say that was my opinion, but many people on DCUM have said as much before. Generally with a recommendation of the book "Protecting the Gift."

[Anonymous]

11:24 again. 12:15, how old is your oldest? Teens are so last minute with planning, especially boys. So many boy teen sleepovers are last minute.

If this was pre-planned but after the invite was issued to your daughter, not sure what the mother was supposed to do. Uninvite her? Tell you and let you decide what to do? How to explain all this if you decide not to let your daughter go, what would you tell her? Are you thinking this through?