sleepovers when your dd's friends have older brothers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Protecting the gift is an excuse for rampant paranoia. If you are already fearful, everyone will seem off to you.

That's EXACTLY the author's message in the book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Protecting the gift is an excuse for rampant paranoia. If you are already fearful, everyone will seem off to you.

I don't understand why the "you all are so paranoid" posters are jumping all over this thread. Why do you give a damn? Go let your kids spend the night at their friends' houses without checking into any of these issues. FFS. Go nuts. Do whatever you want. Why do you care that other parents have different standards? You seem very invested in making sure everyone knows you think you're right.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's paranoia at all. I've been the confidant to so many women over the years that I know at least a dozen who were raped or molested by someone around that age. It's the experimenting factor and some young boys think that it's easier to try on someone who doesn't know any better or someone they don't know rather than to wait for them to mature like some other poster mentioned.

I wouldn't just be concerned about friends but relatives in your own house. I know a few who told me that their blood brothers raped/molested them. DW was molested by her cousin's friend during a sleepover when she was eight and the friend was about 13. My ex was raped by her brother's friends while they were over playing video games.

I'm leery of every unknown person in the house and I most certainly ask who will be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's paranoia at all. I've been the confidant to so many women over the years that I know at least a dozen who were raped or molested by someone around that age. It's the experimenting factor and some young boys think that it's easier to try on someone who doesn't know any better or someone they don't know rather than to wait for them to mature like some other poster mentioned.

I wouldn't just be concerned about friends but relatives in your own house. I know a few who told me that their blood brothers raped/molested them. DW was molested by her cousin's friend during a sleepover when she was eight and the friend was about 13. My ex was raped by her brother's friends while they were over playing video games.

I'm leery of every unknown person in the house and I most certainly ask who will be there.

Why are you surrounded by so many women that were raped or molested? That is very strange.

[Anonymous]

22:25, not so strange, IMO. I have also had quite a few friends -- both male and female -- confide in me over the years about childhood molestation. I am caring and a good listener and they probably felt like they could trust me. Solid middle class background, BTW. So in my experience, I think the 1 in 4 statistic is about right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's paranoia at all. I've been the confidant to so many women over the years that I know at least a dozen who were raped or molested by someone around that age. It's the experimenting factor and some young boys think that it's easier to try on someone who doesn't know any better or someone they don't know rather than to wait for them to mature like some other poster mentioned.

I wouldn't just be concerned about friends but relatives in your own house. I know a few who told me that their blood brothers raped/molested them. DW was molested by her cousin's friend during a sleepover when she was eight and the friend was about 13. My ex was raped by her brother's friends while they were over playing video games.

I'm leery of every unknown person in the house and I most certainly ask who will be there.

Why are you surrounded by so many women that were raped or molested? That is very strange.

No, that is 2012. I was popular in high school and college and knew a lot of people. I'm a manager now, which means most of my day is spent listening to people's life stories. You'd be surprised what people go through. For some reason people just feel comfortable telling me stuff. I don't go around handing out surveys. A woman on my team told me that her two older step-brothers ran a train on her when she was 12 and they were 17 and 18. The conversation started with us talking about her being late. She then went on to explain that she was in counseling. I don't know why they tell me these things. They just do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:22:25, not so strange, IMO. I have also had quite a few friends -- both male and female -- confide in me over the years about childhood molestation. I am caring and a good listener and they probably felt like they could trust me. Solid middle class background, BTW. So in my experience, I think the 1 in 4 statistic is about right.

Why is this at all relevant to anything?

[Anonymous]

OP - if you are concerned that's fine but bottom line is that it's YOUR responsibility to ask who else will be in the home. This is your child and if you have concerns about the home or situation you are sending her into, than you need to take proper precautions and ask questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's paranoia at all. I've been the confidant to so many women over the years that I know at least a dozen who were raped or molested by someone around that age. It's the experimenting factor and some young boys think that it's easier to try on someone who doesn't know any better or someone they don't know rather than to wait for them to mature like some other poster mentioned.

I wouldn't just be concerned about friends but relatives in your own house. I know a few who told me that their blood brothers raped/molested them. DW was molested by her cousin's friend during a sleepover when she was eight and the friend was about 13. My ex was raped by her brother's friends while they were over playing video games.

I'm leery of every unknown person in the house and I most certainly ask who will be there.

Why are you surrounded by so many women that were raped or molested? That is very strange.

I think your comment is strange. A surprisingly high proportion of girls / women will be raped or molested at some point during their lifetime. I'm a woman and had a close call with an uncle My mother was aware that he was "problematic" but didn't want to make waves about sleeping arrangements when visiting relatives. I know so many women who were raped or molested. It's interesting that you don't know so many - or perhaps you're just not being told?