sleepovers when your dd's friends have older brothers
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Anonymous
this this this |
Anonymous
| Trust your instincts. Read "Protecting the Gift." |
Anonymous
You sound like a very inconsiderate person and probably are a brusque, impolite host. I'm guessing you don't have daughters. And you seem to have a bias against girls as you assume they are coming on to your son all the time. For what it's worth, I have daughters and extremely handsome sons--so I get that it can be the girls that can press the issue. My point is, don't make those choices for other parents. Maybe OP's dd IS a flirty type--in that case her mom may not want her at a house where other boys (besides the brother) will be overnight. If you were a gracious host, you would consider that and not have your son have a sleep over the same night. Can't he just do it the next night? Would it kill you? If you were hosting a dinner party, would you invite two people who you knew had bad issues with each other to sit through an intimate dinner together? You might, but they would be very uncomfortable. A gracious, considerate person would avoid doing this. But you sound like the type that just says: F-you! My house my rules! Girls are sluts! If they come to my house and engage in high risk behavior just because I provided them with a bed and place to be reckless in, SO BE IT! I hope my dd doesn't have friends with parents like you. |
Anonymous
| As for "Protecting the Gift," this seems to be a generalized concern, not based on specifics regarding the older brother and the unknown friend. How is that helpful? Of course something could happen. Something could happen every time we step out the door. Or pick up a carving knife. I'm not minimizing OP's concern, but I am not clear how this book would inform her in this situation. |
Anonymous
That sounds like lax supervision to me, and I wouldn't be comfortable with sending my preteen daughter to your house for a sleepover, in all honesty, with the chance of some undetermined number of 13-15 year old neighbors/friends crashing there, that you don't even know about. |
Anonymous
Well, one way mom could have handled would be, when her teen son asked her if James could spend the night, say "Sorry, Micah; your sister is having a sleepover tonight, so you can't have friend over. You can hang out at Micah's house if you want, or he could come over here tomorrow night." The fact that "so many boy teen sleepovers happen at the last minute" means that they can very quickly and spontaneously go with the flow, regroup, and go over to the other guy's house. Or, if they find that their casual sleepover plans keep getting thwarted by the little sister's plans, they could learn to plan ahead just a bit. |
Anonymous
I'm not OP, but how is this comparable to stepping out the door? OP thought she was agreeing to one scenario (just the DD's immediate family) and now she's being asked to leave her DD at a house overnight with a teenage boy she doesn't know. That is a horse of another color, isn't it? Risks have percentages, you know? I wouldn't want to have to worry about my DD acting inappropriately (yes!) or the boy. I would prefer to skip the whole thing--but once you've agreed to do it, to be told that the conditions are such--it will create a rift with the mother to tell her DD isn't going to come. I think moms should not make such assumptions for other peoples children. No one is saying you should never have a sleep over for the older brother--just don't have it on the same night. Why is that so hard? |
Anonymous
You sound like the sort of parent who will eventually be prosecuted when someone's daughter is impregnated at your house or illicit substances are used in your home. Just "crash" at whatever house has the best food? Yes, and you are probably your kid's "best friend" too and tra-la-lah it's all just all one big funny party until the police are called. |
Anonymous
NP here. This is ridiculous and bordering on hysterical thinking. Now teenage boys are a danger to be guarded against? And parents need worry about prosecution because nieghborhood kids might - gasp! - want to come over for a snack and to watch a game? Parents need to have a complete roster of which teenage friend comes over and when? Do you trust your kids at all to make some good judgements on their own (like not to drink at your house, not to do drugs). No one's talking about enabling dangerous and illegal behavior, including underage sex, but since when is every teenage boy a predator until proven innocent? |
Anonymous
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13:29 It's not comparable to stepping out the door, my point was that OP's concerns are general, not rooted in any specific concerns about the older brother or the friend. She didn't tell us that she met the brother and got a weird vibe from him, etc. That was my point.
I'm one of the PP's who's noted that teenage boys make plans to sleep over at the last minute so this is really going to be hard to control and to plan around. I've got a teenage son. 13:29, how would you handle that? Call OP at 9 or 10 PM and say oh my son's friend is staying here? How old is your oldest? |
Anonymous
| Good on you, OP. So many parents are so desperate to remain "young and trendy" that they don't do their job. You should know who is the house with your DD. Period. |
Anonymous
| I'd be more concerned about firearms in their house. |
Anonymous
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My dd recently went to a sleepover at the home of a new friend. Never again. The dad had an adult male friend over to drink and watch sports while the mom went out. I specifically asked the mom whether there parents would be home during the sleepover, she said yes. She was gone most of the evening. In addition, she dropped my dd off two hours late the next morning! b/c she decided to drive her all over town to run errands with her kids.
This will never happen again. As a parent, you have do do what feels right. If the other parents show that they do things that make you feel uncomfortable, just walk away. |
Anonymous
Well, actually, YES, teenage boys are a danger, or at least a temptation, to be guarded against -- especially in the situation the poster described; a few girls sleeping overnight and then, she has a passel of older teen boys wandering in and out of the house, and some of them just crash over night -- she couldn't possibly give you a list of who was at her house that night, because she honestly doesn't know. If you don't know who is at your house, how exactly do you know they are "good" kids? And even "good" kids can get in over their heads. |
Anonymous
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I have posted in the past about this subject being the reason why we don't allow sleepovers as a general rule. I am a criminal defense attorney and I am the one who winds up defending the teenage boy, dad, etc from either an actual offense or a false allegation. Usually, an actual offense. Does it happen every day? No, but it happens very regularly. And PS, if I did have sons, I would send them someplace else for the evening if there was a sleepover of younger kids going on in my house. False allegations are crippling for anyone, but they are especially devastating to minors.
Even I have relaxed my absolutely no sleepovers rule and we have hosted some and kids have attended some, but I am very careful about it. |