Politcal disagreement with friends - when is it too hard to stay friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been friends with this person for several years. She's been a great friend, but since Trump became president, she's been showing me a pretty ugly side. She knows my husband and I are federal workers, and when I told her last year that we're worried about our jobs, she said flippantly, "well, there's too much waste and you'll be fine anyway since you're both so smart." And then she throws in, I'll pray for you both! I didn't know what to do with that, and asked her how she'd feel about the possibility of losing her job and she basically said people in the private sector get laid off all the time and again emphasized it wouldn't be the end of the world. I let it go.

Over the last year, she's started to say more and more unsettling things like that, basically glossing over a lot of the corruption going on, deflecting to Biden and Obama any time I question Trump, and then emphasizing that I need to pray more when I'm worried or focus on positive things. Kinda funny, that's exactly what my MAGA parents and relatives all say as well-- pray more and seek joy! WTF is that all about. My MAGA mom will forward all these warm and fuzzy platitudes and Mother Theresa quotes in response to anything negative I send her about Trump.

Would you back away from the friendship? I've never imagined that an actual friend would respond this way over employment concerns, even sounding happy about people losing their jobs. I told her about a good friend of mine with kids to support who had to leave her federal job because of the administration and again, the same callous response--"the government is such a waste, I hate paying taxes, and I'll pray for her!" Is this a MAGA thing? Think happy thoughts and pray to Jesus in response to any mention to the administration's corruption and cruelty?

Like many of us, she doesn’t believe your friend is owed a job just because she has kids to support.

MAGAs would rather see people panhandling on GoFundMe than work for the federal government.

[Anonymous]

If you differ from your friends politcally, you have to either stop discussing politics entirely or reahc a level of comfort in the inbetween - where you can joke, or see the other side, or at least understand the other person. t a minimum, you have to know what they believe how they will respond and not engage.

You know how your friend feels about gov't workers - so this is not a friend you can go to with worries about losing your job or other pressures feds are under. Is the person a good enough friend otherwise? That's what you have to decide.

I have my high school reunion this weekend. I'm from a rural area that is extremely red. I'm pretty blue and have been since I was a kid. We all know this about each other, even not having seen some of them for decades. No one is going to bring up politics (I don't think). Or if anyone does, I will smile blandly and ask about their mom, what are their kids doing, what do they do for fun, etc etc. You just have to put it to the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you differ from your friends politcally, you have to either stop discussing politics entirely or reahc a level of comfort in the inbetween - where you can joke, or see the other side, or at least understand the other person. t a minimum, you have to know what they believe how they will respond and not engage.

You know how your friend feels about gov't workers - so this is not a friend you can go to with worries about losing your job or other pressures feds are under. Is the person a good enough friend otherwise? That's what you have to decide.

I have my high school reunion this weekend. I'm from a rural area that is extremely red. I'm pretty blue and have been since I was a kid. We all know this about each other, even not having seen some of them for decades. No one is going to bring up politics (I don't think). Or if anyone does, I will smile blandly and ask about their mom, what are their kids doing, what do they do for fun, etc etc. You just have to put it to the side.

In my friend’s case— and my parents’ case— I’d prefer to challenge THEM to put their devotion to Trump and his policies that go after the people they don’t like (Democrats, federal workers and minorities) aside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you differ from your friends politcally, you have to either stop discussing politics entirely or reahc a level of comfort in the inbetween - where you can joke, or see the other side, or at least understand the other person. t a minimum, you have to know what they believe how they will respond and not engage.

You know how your friend feels about gov't workers - so this is not a friend you can go to with worries about losing your job or other pressures feds are under. Is the person a good enough friend otherwise? That's what you have to decide.

I have my high school reunion this weekend. I'm from a rural area that is extremely red. I'm pretty blue and have been since I was a kid. We all know this about each other, even not having seen some of them for decades. No one is going to bring up politics (I don't think). Or if anyone does, I will smile blandly and ask about their mom, what are their kids doing, what do they do for fun, etc etc. You just have to put it to the side.

In my friend’s case— and my parents’ case— I’d prefer to challenge THEM to put their devotion to Trump and his policies that go after the people they don’t like (Democrats, federal workers and minorities) aside.

My husbands entire department at a Treasury subagency was just told they are being RIFed and lady I am going to pray for you. You are a provoking thesr fights

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you differ from your friends politcally, you have to either stop discussing politics entirely or reahc a level of comfort in the inbetween - where you can joke, or see the other side, or at least understand the other person. t a minimum, you have to know what they believe how they will respond and not engage.

You know how your friend feels about gov't workers - so this is not a friend you can go to with worries about losing your job or other pressures feds are under. Is the person a good enough friend otherwise? That's what you have to decide.

I have my high school reunion this weekend. I'm from a rural area that is extremely red. I'm pretty blue and have been since I was a kid. We all know this about each other, even not having seen some of them for decades. No one is going to bring up politics (I don't think). Or if anyone does, I will smile blandly and ask about their mom, what are their kids doing, what do they do for fun, etc etc. You just have to put it to the side.

In my friend’s case— and my parents’ case— I’d prefer to challenge THEM to put their devotion to Trump and his policies that go after the people they don’t like (Democrats, federal workers and minorities) aside.

My husbands entire department at a Treasury subagency was just told they are being RIFed and lady I am going to pray for you. You are a provoking thesr fights

But here's the thing- I know exactly who and what these people are now. Discussing Trump's crystal clear corruption and how they respond to it is a litmus test. Or in my family's case, sharing first hand account with them of how Orange Julius Caesar is impacting our financial stability is a litmus test.

As a result, I have a crystal clear understanding of what they are. They are people who would cheer on your bad news. I wouldn't call them all bad people, not at all. But not being a bad person doesn't automatically default to being a good person. So, these aren't good people. And life is short, so it's probably best to get those type of people out of my life. Sorry, no, they do not have my blessing to say they care about me or love your kids while cheering on bad things happening to my family. I can't accept that and protect them from themselves.

[Anonymous]

This is just my personal opinion but I am at the point in my life where I cannot socialize w/ANYone who would support our awful president.
No exceptions.

He is just so awful - - that if anyone supports him, the there is something fundamentally wrong w/them.

So to answer your question ▶️: I would abandon this friendship.

[Anonymous]

Knew 100% before I opened the thread that the problem with a friend not sharing your political views was coming from someone on the tolerant left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been friends with this person for several years. She's been a great friend, but since Trump became president, she's been showing me a pretty ugly side. She knows my husband and I are federal workers, and when I told her last year that we're worried about our jobs, she said flippantly, "well, there's too much waste and you'll be fine anyway since you're both so smart." And then she throws in, I'll pray for you both! I didn't know what to do with that, and asked her how she'd feel about the possibility of losing her job and she basically said people in the private sector get laid off all the time and again emphasized it wouldn't be the end of the world. I let it go.

Over the last year, she's started to say more and more unsettling things like that, basically glossing over a lot of the corruption going on, deflecting to Biden and Obama any time I question Trump, and then emphasizing that I need to pray more when I'm worried or focus on positive things. Kinda funny, that's exactly what my MAGA parents and relatives all say as well-- pray more and seek joy! WTF is that all about. My MAGA mom will forward all these warm and fuzzy platitudes and Mother Theresa quotes in response to anything negative I send her about Trump.

Would you back away from the friendship? I've never imagined that an actual friend would respond this way over employment concerns, even sounding happy about people losing their jobs. I told her about a good friend of mine with kids to support who had to leave her federal job because of the administration and again, the same callous response--"the government is such a waste, I hate paying taxes, and I'll pray for her!" Is this a MAGA thing? Think happy thoughts and pray to Jesus in response to any mention to the administration's corruption and cruelty?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this. I’ve spent a career in public health and then DOGE comes along and illegally shuts down AID and now millions of kids will die from starvation and HIV. Me having to leave my job was very stressful but it is only a small part of what distresses me about what’s been happening.

Don’t tell me it was to save money when this administration has been wasting money nonstop on gilding statues and building monuments and dropping bombs.

I have a friend who I’ve been discussing politics with for 25 years. For a while now we’ve been disagreeing more than agreeing but it was never a problem.

However, once I realized she was supporting what Trump was doing and was unwilling to listen enough to understand what was really happening I couldn’t really engage anymore.

I can socialize with almost anyone but to be friends you have to have some common bond and at some point our values and understanding of the world is so different that it’s like what is the point— this just causing friction and hurt.

Again for comparison, I know plenty of people who vote Republican because they are anti-abortion (although I know some them have struggled with what to do when Trump was running) and they all expressed sympathy and concern about what was happening.

You don’t have to think exactly like me (and I certainly don’t agree with everything that happened under earlier administrations) but if you are happy, for example, that AID got shut down illegally without any planning then I no longer know what to say to you.

[Anonymous]

Politics aside, her comment about your job was pretty insensitive. She could've have said she was sorry to hear about your job but she knows you're smart, etc. and left out the remark about waste, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Knew 100% before I opened the thread that the problem with a friend not sharing your political views was coming from someone on the tolerant left.

There is no equating both sides here given the negative economic and social impact of Christian nationalism. Not seeing that is its own form of TDS.

[Anonymous]

A friend who can’t be sympathetic to you isn’t a friend worth having. Dump her and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you and your husband something like federal judges, with guaranteed for life jobs? Are you both irreplaceable uniquely skilled workers with special knowledge essential to the preservation of the Republic? I'm misunderstanding something here-- you seem to be saying you and your husband are guaranteed lifetime employment or at least until you decide to retire or resign voluntarily. And somehow Trump is illegally threatening your guaranteed lifetime employment?

Aside from that, what is the issue here?

OP here. I could say the same thing to a friend who works in the private sector, who has had a good job for 20 years but the new CEO is a well-known prick and wants to fire half the staff to bring in his cronies. I would never tell them that’s just how it is, you’re not guaranteed a job, buck up and job hunt and I’m (sanctimoniously) praying to Jesus for you. Moshing saying shit like that to a friend living a middle class life paying for a few kids and trying to save for college and retirement. What kind of a person would lack empathy? Or is it just, as the Avenue Q song went… Schadenfreude?
It’s like saying to someone who just found of they have cancer, “well, you did smoke 30 years ago and even if you didn’t smoke, the Potomac is tainted and you chose to live near it, but alas, I’ll pray for you!”

OP wtf are you on about now? You asked whether it was ok for you to stay friends with Trumpers who you disagreed with politically. But you emphasized that you feel threatened by Trump's supposedly trying to cut you and your husbands jobs. Who the heck knows whether or not your jobs should or shouldn't be on the chopping block? Or actually are?

Now you're inserting your resentment about other friends private jobs and their bosses? It's really none of your concern, and it's not your other friends concern to be politically aligned with your Trump hatred to the exclusion of all other considerations.

All those claiming to hate Trump to the extent that they will shed friends and family simply because they vote the wrong way or espouse differing political opinions are behaving exactly the opposite of the way they should be if they in fact are trying to be rational change agents. That's the key that you and people like you are essentially brainwashed.

A rational person would be trying to use their personal connections to effectuate change in the beliefs of those other persons through persuasion.

Those are potential votes. Your devotion to primitive identity politics is self defeating.

And you and other Progressives and Leftists are locked into that trap because your identity politics are more important to you psychologically than actually accomplishing whatever it is that you claim to want to accomplish politically.

For example, since you led with the sanctity of your federal jobs, what is it that you actually do and how much are you being paid for it? That's what you would have to discuss if you actually want to persuade other people to vote your way for that reason. Instead you gratuitously attack some other friends CEO. That's totally irrelevant.

You're irrational.

[Anonymous]

I can’t be friends with anyone who is okay with genocide, bombing a girls school in another country, bombing a children’s field trip in another country, trivializing and minimizing slavery, no empathy for children being separated from their families, losing their healthcare, living in poverty, etc. This stuff isn’t just attributed to Trump and his policies as some of the above happened under democrats, so it’s not really a political thing for me but an issue of humanity. If someone can’t see all human beings as deserving of safety, dignity, and a decent life, then I don’t want anything to do with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Knew 100% before I opened the thread that the problem with a friend not sharing your political views was coming from someone on the tolerant left.

There is no equating both sides here given the negative economic and social impact of Christian nationalism. Not seeing that is its own form of TDS.

Most rational people are and should be far more concerned about radical Islamic terrorism and the highly disproportionate level of violence of young black males. Last time I checked it wasn't Christian. nationalism beheading people in Ireland nor murdering teenagers with knives at high school track meets