Does my husband have ADHD or is this something else??

[Anonymous]

Another
Dud
Husband
Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah … He needs to be seen by a dr.
You both are overwhelmed w so many kids.

He appears checked out from you & those kids.. Guessing bc he’s been able to coast & do so for so long.

Ugh.

OP here. I know I am super burnt out - I've been on baby nighttime duty since I gave birth. He sleeps with our middle child in their bedroom but kiddo oftentimes comes into the room for me, and then the baby wakes up, too 🫣

Not saying his job is easy, it certainly isn't physical at all. I used to work outside of the home before having kids and yeah, I get some days suck, mentally you're exhausted. He has time to listen to podcasts during each work day, so it leaves me wondering..

I appreciate your reply.

OP You have to put your foot down. You know his actions or lack there of are unfair.

Yes life stinks at times w littles however you two are a team .. and he’s not pulling his weight in any way shape or form

Only you can decide how much longer you can deal with & put up w all of what you’ve shared.


Wishing you the best!

OP here. Yeah, I feel like I have - we got into a big argument this past summer where I basically said I am contemplating separationand I'm doing all of the parenting work anyways.

He claimed he didn't know how I felt but that's utter BS because I've been communicating my needs and the kids' needs for years.

He said it was due opening for him but in 6 months nothing has changed. I'm starting to think about separation again.

Yesterday he was gone all day for a work off-site. When he got home he was on his phone again.. so frustrating.

I appreciate your reply.

Id stop w the empty threats. Maybe get the ball rolling on that separation. Speak to some lawyers

He’s full of excuses & not gonna’ change.

She has no job.

[Anonymous]

You're looking for a diagnosis because you don't want to accept the obvious truth staring you in the eyes. Your husband cares only about his priorities and he doesn't prioritize what you care about because your opinion isn't important to him. He doesn't care that you're burnt out and overworked. I'll let you figure out what that means about any love he claims to have for you.

Some people will tell you to waste your time trying to find the right combination of incentives and heart-to-heart conversations and consequences to motivate him. But guess what? It's not going to work.

He, however, is not going to change because everything is working well for him. The kids are taken care of (by you), the house is taken care of (by you), and he is taken care of (by you). He gets sex, food, the respect bump that married men enjoy in society, and an easy life. You're the one who is suffering and that is not his problem because you are not a priority (and he probably married you fully intending for this to be the dynamic).

You have 3 options:

1. Stop doing everything extra that you do and reduce your effort level to his level. Your children and the household and everything else will suffer because he will not pick up the slack. He doesn't give a shit.

2. Make a plan to get out.

3. Accept the dynamic and let him continue to exploit you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah … He needs to be seen by a dr.
You both are overwhelmed w so many kids.

He appears checked out from you & those kids.. Guessing bc he’s been able to coast & do so for so long.

Ugh.

OP here. I know I am super burnt out - I've been on baby nighttime duty since I gave birth. He sleeps with our middle child in their bedroom but kiddo oftentimes comes into the room for me, and then the baby wakes up, too 🫣

Not saying his job is easy, it certainly isn't physical at all. I used to work outside of the home before having kids and yeah, I get some days suck, mentally you're exhausted. He has time to listen to podcasts during each work day, so it leaves me wondering..

I appreciate your reply.

OP You have to put your foot down. You know his actions or lack there of are unfair.

Yes life stinks at times w littles however you two are a team .. and he’s not pulling his weight in any way shape or form

Only you can decide how much longer you can deal with & put up w all of what you’ve shared.


Wishing you the best!

OP here. Yeah, I feel like I have - we got into a big argument this past summer where I basically said I am contemplating separationand I'm doing all of the parenting work anyways.

He claimed he didn't know how I felt but that's utter BS because I've been communicating my needs and the kids' needs for years.

He said it was due opening for him but in 6 months nothing has changed. I'm starting to think about separation again.

Yesterday he was gone all day for a work off-site. When he got home he was on his phone again.. so frustrating.

I appreciate your reply.

Id stop w the empty threats. Maybe get the ball rolling on that separation. Speak to some lawyers

He’s full of excuses & not gonna’ change.

OP here.

Unfortunately probably right. Last week he asked me something along the lines of, "Do you think you're going to have a better life living in an apartment if we separate?"

It caught me a bit off guard..

That's him calling your bluff.

He knows he's exploiting you and he's asking what you're going to do about it.

You see, as hapless as you think he is, he's actually showing you that he's very clear thinking. He knows that, now that he has saddled you with kids and no job, he has you by the financial short hairs. He's telling you that he'll yank the money if you don't continue playing his unpaid slave. He doesn't think you're going anywhere and he's not going to change a single thing. He may very well be right.

You need to wake up and understand the position you're in. He doesn't need a diagnosis or testing lol. If anything, you need a diagnosis for why you're so unwilling to open your eyes.

He knows exactly how skewed the dynamic is and he's telling you that you're going to deal with this or else he'll impoverish you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're looking for a diagnosis because you don't want to accept the obvious truth staring you in the eyes. Your husband cares only about his priorities and he doesn't prioritize what you care about because your opinion isn't important to him. He doesn't care that you're burnt out and overworked. I'll let you figure out what that means about any love he claims to have for you.

Some people will tell you to waste your time trying to find the right combination of incentives and heart-to-heart conversations and consequences to motivate him. But guess what? It's not going to work.

He, however, is not going to change because everything is working well for him. The kids are taken care of (by you), the house is taken care of (by you), and he is taken care of (by you). He gets sex, food, the respect bump that married men enjoy in society, and an easy life. You're the one who is suffering and that is not his problem because you are not a priority (and he probably married you fully intending for this to be the dynamic).

You have 3 options:

1. Stop doing everything extra that you do and reduce your effort level to his level. Your children and the household and everything else will suffer because he will not pick up the slack. He doesn't give a shit.

2. Make a plan to get out.

3. Accept the dynamic and let him continue to exploit you.

Sir/Ma’am THIS!

[Anonymous]

Why on Earth did you choose to have another baby with this man knowing all of this about him? You intentionally made the situation worse for yourself so you need to take some of the blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're looking for a diagnosis because you don't want to accept the obvious truth staring you in the eyes. Your husband cares only about his priorities and he doesn't prioritize what you care about because your opinion isn't important to him. He doesn't care that you're burnt out and overworked. I'll let you figure out what that means about any love he claims to have for you.

Some people will tell you to waste your time trying to find the right combination of incentives and heart-to-heart conversations and consequences to motivate him. But guess what? It's not going to work.

He, however, is not going to change because everything is working well for him. The kids are taken care of (by you), the house is taken care of (by you), and he is taken care of (by you). He gets sex, food, the respect bump that married men enjoy in society, and an easy life. You're the one who is suffering and that is not his problem because you are not a priority (and he probably married you fully intending for this to be the dynamic).

You have 3 options:

1. Stop doing everything extra that you do and reduce your effort level to his level. Your children and the household and everything else will suffer because he will not pick up the slack. He doesn't give a shit.

2. Make a plan to get out.

3. Accept the dynamic and let him continue to exploit you.

OP here. Yeah, I know you're right. It's hard to face reality, and I think that is where I am right now.

I will never met my kids suffer and I'm sure he knows that. He knows I am a completely selfless person and that I care about people, even ones I probably shouldn't care as much about.

It's in my nature to take care of everyone else first, even at the demise of myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah … He needs to be seen by a dr.
You both are overwhelmed w so many kids.

He appears checked out from you & those kids.. Guessing bc he’s been able to coast & do so for so long.

Ugh.

OP here. I know I am super burnt out - I've been on baby nighttime duty since I gave birth. He sleeps with our middle child in their bedroom but kiddo oftentimes comes into the room for me, and then the baby wakes up, too 🫣

Not saying his job is easy, it certainly isn't physical at all. I used to work outside of the home before having kids and yeah, I get some days suck, mentally you're exhausted. He has time to listen to podcasts during each work day, so it leaves me wondering..

I appreciate your reply.

OP You have to put your foot down. You know his actions or lack there of are unfair.

Yes life stinks at times w littles however you two are a team .. and he’s not pulling his weight in any way shape or form

Only you can decide how much longer you can deal with & put up w all of what you’ve shared.


Wishing you the best!

OP here. Yeah, I feel like I have - we got into a big argument this past summer where I basically said I am contemplating separationand I'm doing all of the parenting work anyways.

He claimed he didn't know how I felt but that's utter BS because I've been communicating my needs and the kids' needs for years.

He said it was due opening for him but in 6 months nothing has changed. I'm starting to think about separation again.

Yesterday he was gone all day for a work off-site. When he got home he was on his phone again.. so frustrating.

I appreciate your reply.

Id stop w the empty threats. Maybe get the ball rolling on that separation. Speak to some lawyers

He’s full of excuses & not gonna’ change.

OP here.

Unfortunately probably right. Last week he asked me something along the lines of, "Do you think you're going to have a better life living in an apartment if we separate?"

It caught me a bit off guard..

That's him calling your bluff.

He knows he's exploiting you and he's asking what you're going to do about it.

You see, as hapless as you think he is, he's actually showing you that he's very clear thinking. He knows that, now that he has saddled you with kids and no job, he has you by the financial short hairs. He's telling you that he'll yank the money if you don't continue playing his unpaid slave. He doesn't think you're going anywhere and he's not going to change a single thing. He may very well be right.

You need to wake up and understand the position you're in. He doesn't need a diagnosis or testing lol. If anything, you need a diagnosis for why you're so unwilling to open your eyes.

He knows exactly how skewed the dynamic is and he's telling you that you're going to deal with this or else he'll impoverish you.

OP here. Sigh, it sucks to have to face reality.

I've talked about wanting to work for years (nothing full-time, just something to get me out of the house and help contribute financially). He has always told me I'm more useful at home taking care of the kids.

His parents are very wealthy and vindictive and would help to crush me, I'm sure 😞

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah … He needs to be seen by a dr.
You both are overwhelmed w so many kids.

He appears checked out from you & those kids.. Guessing bc he’s been able to coast & do so for so long.

Ugh.

OP here. I know I am super burnt out - I've been on baby nighttime duty since I gave birth. He sleeps with our middle child in their bedroom but kiddo oftentimes comes into the room for me, and then the baby wakes up, too 🫣

Not saying his job is easy, it certainly isn't physical at all. I used to work outside of the home before having kids and yeah, I get some days suck, mentally you're exhausted. He has time to listen to podcasts during each work day, so it leaves me wondering..

I appreciate your reply.

OP You have to put your foot down. You know his actions or lack there of are unfair.

Yes life stinks at times w littles however you two are a team .. and he’s not pulling his weight in any way shape or form

Only you can decide how much longer you can deal with & put up w all of what you’ve shared.


Wishing you the best!

OP here. Yeah, I feel like I have - we got into a big argument this past summer where I basically said I am contemplating separationand I'm doing all of the parenting work anyways.

He claimed he didn't know how I felt but that's utter BS because I've been communicating my needs and the kids' needs for years.

He said it was due opening for him but in 6 months nothing has changed. I'm starting to think about separation again.

Yesterday he was gone all day for a work off-site. When he got home he was on his phone again.. so frustrating.

I appreciate your reply.

Id stop w the empty threats. Maybe get the ball rolling on that separation. Speak to some lawyers

He’s full of excuses & not gonna’ change.

OP here.

Unfortunately probably right. Last week he asked me something along the lines of, "Do you think you're going to have a better life living in an apartment if we separate?"

It caught me a bit off guard..

That's him calling your bluff.

He knows he's exploiting you and he's asking what you're going to do about it.

You see, as hapless as you think he is, he's actually showing you that he's very clear thinking. He knows that, now that he has saddled you with kids and no job, he has you by the financial short hairs. He's telling you that he'll yank the money if you don't continue playing his unpaid slave. He doesn't think you're going anywhere and he's not going to change a single thing. He may very well be right.

You need to wake up and understand the position you're in. He doesn't need a diagnosis or testing lol. If anything, you need a diagnosis for why you're so unwilling to open your eyes.

He knows exactly how skewed the dynamic is and he's telling you that you're going to deal with this or else he'll impoverish you.

OP here. Sigh, it sucks to have to face reality.

I've talked about wanting to work for years (nothing full-time, just something to get me out of the house and help contribute financially). He has always told me I'm more useful at home taking care of the kids.

His parents are very wealthy and vindictive and would help to crush me, I'm sure 😞

Where are your own parents ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
His parents are very wealthy and vindictive and would help to crush me, I'm sure 😞

Them crushing the children is your only concern.

Are they going to harm the children? How?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah … He needs to be seen by a dr.
You both are overwhelmed w so many kids.

He appears checked out from you & those kids.. Guessing bc he’s been able to coast & do so for so long.

Ugh.

OP here. I know I am super burnt out - I've been on baby nighttime duty since I gave birth. He sleeps with our middle child in their bedroom but kiddo oftentimes comes into the room for me, and then the baby wakes up, too 🫣

Not saying his job is easy, it certainly isn't physical at all. I used to work outside of the home before having kids and yeah, I get some days suck, mentally you're exhausted. He has time to listen to podcasts during each work day, so it leaves me wondering..

I appreciate your reply.

OP You have to put your foot down. You know his actions or lack there of are unfair.

Yes life stinks at times w littles however you two are a team .. and he’s not pulling his weight in any way shape or form

Only you can decide how much longer you can deal with & put up w all of what you’ve shared.


Wishing you the best!

OP here. Yeah, I feel like I have - we got into a big argument this past summer where I basically said I am contemplating separationand I'm doing all of the parenting work anyways.

He claimed he didn't know how I felt but that's utter BS because I've been communicating my needs and the kids' needs for years.

He said it was due opening for him but in 6 months nothing has changed. I'm starting to think about separation again.

Yesterday he was gone all day for a work off-site. When he got home he was on his phone again.. so frustrating.

I appreciate your reply.

Id stop w the empty threats. Maybe get the ball rolling on that separation. Speak to some lawyers

He’s full of excuses & not gonna’ change.

OP here.

Unfortunately probably right. Last week he asked me something along the lines of, "Do you think you're going to have a better life living in an apartment if we separate?"

It caught me a bit off guard..

That's him calling your bluff.

He knows he's exploiting you and he's asking what you're going to do about it.

You see, as hapless as you think he is, he's actually showing you that he's very clear thinking. He knows that, now that he has saddled you with kids and no job, he has you by the financial short hairs. He's telling you that he'll yank the money if you don't continue playing his unpaid slave. He doesn't think you're going anywhere and he's not going to change a single thing. He may very well be right.

You need to wake up and understand the position you're in. He doesn't need a diagnosis or testing lol. If anything, you need a diagnosis for why you're so unwilling to open your eyes.

He knows exactly how skewed the dynamic is and he's telling you that you're going to deal with this or else he'll impoverish you.

OP here. Sigh, it sucks to have to face reality.

I've talked about wanting to work for years (nothing full-time, just something to get me out of the house and help contribute financially). He has always told me I'm more useful at home taking care of the kids.

His parents are very wealthy and vindictive and would help to crush me, I'm sure 😞

Where are your own parents ?

OP here. Thankfully my parents are local to us and I have no doubt they would help support me and the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
His parents are very wealthy and vindictive and would help to crush me, I'm sure 😞

Them crushing the children is your only concern.

Are they going to harm the children? How?

OP here. I mean crush me financially to ensure I wouldn't get a fair share of child support or money. Probably not even my desired physical custody, either. They are rich and have a lot of contacts in virtually every industry. And if they don't have direct ties, they know someone who does. I have no doubt they'll exert their status and wealth to take care of their own son and to make me look like a horrible mother and person.

[Anonymous]

You do know it runs in families so your kids...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
His parents are very wealthy and vindictive and would help to crush me, I'm sure 😞

Them crushing the children is your only concern.

Are they going to harm the children? How?

OP here. I mean crush me financially to ensure I wouldn't get a fair share of child support or money. Probably not even my desired physical custody, either. They are rich and have a lot of contacts in virtually every industry. And if they don't have direct ties, they know someone who does. I have no doubt they'll exert their status and wealth to take care of their own son and to make me look like a horrible mother and person.

What is your desired physical custody?

If they were guardians, would they harm these children? If yes, how and why do you believe this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
His parents are very wealthy and vindictive and would help to crush me, I'm sure 😞

Them crushing the children is your only concern.

Are they going to harm the children? How?

OP here. I mean crush me financially to ensure I wouldn't get a fair share of child support or money. Probably not even my desired physical custody, either. They are rich and have a lot of contacts in virtually every industry. And if they don't have direct ties, they know someone who does. I have no doubt they'll exert their status and wealth to take care of their own son and to make me look like a horrible mother and person.

What is your desired physical custody?

If they were guardians, would they harm these children? If yes, how and why do you believe this?

OP here. My desired physical custody would be 100% since I am with them full-time and actually take care of them. But I have read that unless there is physical abuse, it will be 50/50. Which sucks. Because I can't trust him to take care of them when they are with him.

Sometimes when I am in the shower, my oldest will come to me and tell me Dad won't feed them because he's busy even after asking. Or will tell me that Daddy is being mean or won't help in some way.

This is probably the #1 reason I'm still here. Because at least I can exert control over the childrens' wellbeing as much as I can. It terrifies me to think what would occur during my off-times..

I don't believe my in-laws would hurt the children. But my FIL has the worst temper I've ever seen (probably where my husband gets it from) and he and my MIL fight all the time. I hate being around them when they go at it.