Does my husband have ADHD or is this something else??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree that this stuff isn’t great, but I don’t know that your husband is so horrible.
The guy is the sole breadwinner, folds laundry (albeit at the wrong time), does all of the grocery shopping, and doesn’t seem to be bothered that the house is a little chaotic even though you are a SAHM with at least one of your three kids in school all day.
I’m not saying he’s perfect or should be given a pass on everything, but he doesn’t sound like a complete ogre.

DP. Disagree. His behavior sounds calculated to me. Calculated to avoid what he doesn't want to do.

Early in OP's post, it did sound like he was just distractible, but as it went on, it's clear this guy is a grade-A selfish jerk. There is no need for fancier labels.

OP, if this guy is this cold-hearted and has a rich family, you need to get your ducks in a row before you make a move. Put any assets you rightfully can, like that inheritance, in separate accounts. Consult with a lawyer. Gather all of your support system people; you will need them. Do you have relatives or friends who can help with some child care, for instance, while you meet with a lawyer or a therapist?

OP here. Yes, my family would be the ones to support me and the kids, both financially and emotionally.

The problem is that he has everyone fooled but me. So I think even my family in the beginning would be in denial but.. 🤷‍♀️

You need to record his rages. He can lie better than you can and he will. Record him.

OP here. They're not often at all, but he will curse up a storm when some electronic thing doesn't work the way he wants it to or thinks it should. Earlier this year he accidentally hit his head on the microwave door (because it isn't level and stays open unless firmly shut) and screamed and punched it closed. Scared me and our kids. If course this was *after* I already told him that he needs to address his anger.. I got a sullen "yeah, I know..." like he knew the optics were bad..

He gets the anger from his father who will put on the longest crash outs I've ever witnessed.

So husband has a short temper with items and he does with the kids, too. He used to curse at our then 2 year old during nighttime sleeping because they've always been a terrible sleeper compared to our first. Like.. even though they didn't understand the words, tone is something kids understand.

The more I type stuff out.. ugh..

Type all of these out now in password protected word doc. Times and dates and specific words that you remember. This is emotional and verbal abuse.

My list of “anecdotes” like this has been invaluable documentation during the custody part of the divorce process. It is exhausting to remember everything and then to start documenting stuff in real time, but you will be grateful to have it when you need it (or, if things improve, to not need it).

OP here. I will do this going forward, thank you for the suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyting except 7-9 and 11 sound like ADHD. But he sees it himself, so he needs to go see a doctor and try meds and get soem EF training.

OP here. He will fight me over getting formally evaluated. Just like he has fought me on marriage counseling for years. I think it will go absolutely nowhere and accomplish nothing. Unless he genuinely wants to change from within, all on his own, nothing will stick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, while he may have ADHD, all the rest of the thread is not about ADHD -- something very different is going on, so you should focus on behaviors and not a diagnosis.

OP here. Well.. I don't believe he will do anything about his behaviors, whether he is formally seen by a professional or speaks to a professional.

So.. him changing his behaviors is a pipe dream.