What’s the best housing situation during divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad here. I have a choice: rent a furnished house or rent an empty townhouse. I have 2 kids and haven’t been having overnights or anything since I filed for divorce. I’ve been bouncing around between hotels, airbnbs, etc. With the holidays coming up and a custody evaluation starting soon, it’s time to get a place ready for my kids to spend more time with me.

Is it better to rent a house that’s fully furnished and ready to go but with stuff that isn’t the kids’ stuff or their familiar things and might be a little impersonal, or would it be better to rent a place that’s empty and furnish it gradually with things the kids choose? I’m getting different advice from my attorney, family and friends.

It doesn't matter. Something close to their school. I'd go with what is cheapest/depending on finances and furnish it yourself. Have the kids if they are old enough pick out the furniture, bedding and decorations and make it their own. But, do something before the evaluation so they have a home with you so you can do 50-50. A house vs. townhouse doesn't matter. Furnished or not doesn't matter. You can furnish it yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do whichever is more affordable and/or in a better location. In either situation get the kids new bedding that they pick out and immediately frame and put up some photos of you with them and extended family on your side.

Location is similar. Furnished place is larger and more expensive but the lease is only until the spring and then I would need to find another place, which wouldn’t be the worst thing if our settlement allows me to buy out our marital home. There’s also the possibility that my office would move and I would want my residence to be closer to work anyway. The kids are in private school so school district staying the same isn’t the concern it would otherwise be.

I would do what's cheapest and closer to school. I'd probably go with unfurnished and decorate yourself. If she's not giving up the house and you are moving out, plan for long term and let the house go. Pick your battles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been bouncing around? Why did you file for divorce without a plan for where to live with your children?

It’s only been ~7 weeks and some of that was spent traveling for work on trips that have been planned since last spring, so it’s time that has always been planned around me being away for work.

I’m making the plan now. It would have been wasteful to spend money on a lease before I really needed it.

So you were too busy with work to even *think* about where your children would live? Come on. How are you going to have any significant amount of custody if this is your attitude?

Nobody's saying you should have had a lease start 7 weeks ago, but you could have done the research and made the decisions and even signed something in advance. If you had your act together, that's what you would have done.

Why are you so bitter and prickly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad here. I have a choice: rent a furnished house or rent an empty townhouse. I have 2 kids and haven’t been having overnights or anything since I filed for divorce. I’ve been bouncing around between hotels, airbnbs, etc. With the holidays coming up and a custody evaluation starting soon, it’s time to get a place ready for my kids to spend more time with me.

Is it better to rent a house that’s fully furnished and ready to go but with stuff that isn’t the kids’ stuff or their familiar things and might be a little impersonal, or would it be better to rent a place that’s empty and furnish it gradually with things the kids choose? I’m getting different advice from my attorney, family and friends.

It doesn't matter. Something close to their school. I'd go with what is cheapest/depending on finances and furnish it yourself. Have the kids if they are old enough pick out the furniture, bedding and decorations and make it their own. But, do something before the evaluation so they have a home with you so you can do 50-50. A house vs. townhouse doesn't matter. Furnished or not doesn't matter. You can furnish it yourself.

If my kids pick everything out, then should I use visitation time to do all of that? Could I do it all in a few hours on a weekend?

Can anyone give me a rough estimate of how long it should take me to set up a basic 3 bedroom townhouse? A weekend? A week? A month?

My attorney needs to start scheduling the custody evaluator and I need to work backward from that to make sure I can get everything done around my work schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do whichever is more affordable and/or in a better location. In either situation get the kids new bedding that they pick out and immediately frame and put up some photos of you with them and extended family on your side.

Location is similar. Furnished place is larger and more expensive but the lease is only until the spring and then I would need to find another place, which wouldn’t be the worst thing if our settlement allows me to buy out our marital home. There’s also the possibility that my office would move and I would want my residence to be closer to work anyway. The kids are in private school so school district staying the same isn’t the concern it would otherwise be.

I would do what's cheapest and closer to school. I'd probably go with unfurnished and decorate yourself. If she's not giving up the house and you are moving out, plan for long term and let the house go. Pick your battles.

I already moved out. I make way more money than her (she makes 10% of my salary in a good year) so I doubt she’ll find a way to keep the house. I’ve been thinking and I might want it as part of the settlement. I think I could get more custody because I don’t think DW can afford to stay anywhere close to our old neighborhood. She’ll probably have to move pretty far out and the kids won’t like the kinds of neighborhoods she’ll be able to afford with half our assets. It will give me an advantage to offer the kids their familiar house, proximity to friends, and the things we have in our neighborhood like the swim club and shopping nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do whichever is more affordable and/or in a better location. In either situation get the kids new bedding that they pick out and immediately frame and put up some photos of you with them and extended family on your side.

Location is similar. Furnished place is larger and more expensive but the lease is only until the spring and then I would need to find another place, which wouldn’t be the worst thing if our settlement allows me to buy out our marital home. There’s also the possibility that my office would move and I would want my residence to be closer to work anyway. The kids are in private school so school district staying the same isn’t the concern it would otherwise be.

I would do what's cheapest and closer to school. I'd probably go with unfurnished and decorate yourself. If she's not giving up the house and you are moving out, plan for long term and let the house go. Pick your battles.

I already moved out. I make way more money than her (she makes 10% of my salary in a good year) so I doubt she’ll find a way to keep the house. I’ve been thinking and I might want it as part of the settlement. I think I could get more custody because I don’t think DW can afford to stay anywhere close to our old neighborhood. She’ll probably have to move pretty far out and the kids won’t like the kinds of neighborhoods she’ll be able to afford with half our assets. It will give me an advantage to offer the kids their familiar house, proximity to friends, and the things we have in our neighborhood like the swim club and shopping nearby.

Well, it's pretty clear why you're divorcing. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do whichever is more affordable and/or in a better location. In either situation get the kids new bedding that they pick out and immediately frame and put up some photos of you with them and extended family on your side.

Location is similar. Furnished place is larger and more expensive but the lease is only until the spring and then I would need to find another place, which wouldn’t be the worst thing if our settlement allows me to buy out our marital home. There’s also the possibility that my office would move and I would want my residence to be closer to work anyway. The kids are in private school so school district staying the same isn’t the concern it would otherwise be.

I would do what's cheapest and closer to school. I'd probably go with unfurnished and decorate yourself. If she's not giving up the house and you are moving out, plan for long term and let the house go. Pick your battles.

I already moved out. I make way more money than her (she makes 10% of my salary in a good year) so I doubt she’ll find a way to keep the house. I’ve been thinking and I might want it as part of the settlement. I think I could get more custody because I don’t think DW can afford to stay anywhere close to our old neighborhood. She’ll probably have to move pretty far out and the kids won’t like the kinds of neighborhoods she’ll be able to afford with half our assets. It will give me an advantage to offer the kids their familiar house, proximity to friends, and the things we have in our neighborhood like the swim club and shopping nearby.

Well, it's pretty clear why you're divorcing. Yuck.

It’s really not any of my business at this point what she can or can’t afford once we split our assets and I pay child support. I’m meeting all of my legal obligations and splitting our marital assets. Her earning potential is her situation and I can’t fix that for her.

My kids will be well-provided for when they are with me and will have what they need when they are with her. We aren’t going to be married anymore so my relationship is with my kids and that’s where my focus is. What happens with my wife or her situation is her business to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d pick the place you like that you can stay long term. If that is unfurnished, I’d then rent furniture to get thru the short term (thru Cort) while you work to furnish it with stuff you like and they like.

Thanks- that makes sense and could quickly take care of couch and table and then I have time to wait for delivery of something nicer and permanent.

Any ideas for a service that could furnish all of my kitchen needs and things like towels and bedding in one go? If I could just get it all picked out and delivered instead of spending a weekend running around getting everything, it would be more time I could spend doing fun stuff with my kids.

Yeah, Target or Macy's. You can get everything for a kitchen and bathrooms there. Don't forget to wash all bedding and towels before using.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d pick the place you like that you can stay long term. If that is unfurnished, I’d then rent furniture to get thru the short term (thru Cort) while you work to furnish it with stuff you like and they like.

Thanks- that makes sense and could quickly take care of couch and table and then I have time to wait for delivery of something nicer and permanent.

Any ideas for a service that could furnish all of my kitchen needs and things like towels and bedding in one go? If I could just get it all picked out and delivered instead of spending a weekend running around getting everything, it would be more time I could spend doing fun stuff with my kids.

Yeah, Target or Macy's. You can get everything for a kitchen and bathrooms there. Don't forget to wash all bedding and towels before using.

Is there a normal amount of things like towels that people have? Is there a way to get a list of this stuff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad here. I have a choice: rent a furnished house or rent an empty townhouse. I have 2 kids and haven’t been having overnights or anything since I filed for divorce. I’ve been bouncing around between hotels, airbnbs, etc. With the holidays coming up and a custody evaluation starting soon, it’s time to get a place ready for my kids to spend more time with me.

Is it better to rent a house that’s fully furnished and ready to go but with stuff that isn’t the kids’ stuff or their familiar things and might be a little impersonal, or would it be better to rent a place that’s empty and furnish it gradually with things the kids choose? I’m getting different advice from my attorney, family and friends.

It doesn't matter. Something close to their school. I'd go with what is cheapest/depending on finances and furnish it yourself. Have the kids if they are old enough pick out the furniture, bedding and decorations and make it their own. But, do something before the evaluation so they have a home with you so you can do 50-50. A house vs. townhouse doesn't matter. Furnished or not doesn't matter. You can furnish it yourself.

If my kids pick everything out, then should I use visitation time to do all of that? Could I do it all in a few hours on a weekend?

Can anyone give me a rough estimate of how long it should take me to set up a basic 3 bedroom townhouse? A weekend? A week? A month?

My attorney needs to start scheduling the custody evaluator and I need to work backward from that to make sure I can get everything done around my work schedule.

Why don’t you hire your wife to furnish it on Wayfair with a budget? Everything gets delivered and then once she needs to move/ if your ghastly plan happens- she could use the furniture for her new place, and you could help her set it up. Win - win. Even though you won’t be married, you still need to partner on specific things for the sake of the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d pick the place you like that you can stay long term. If that is unfurnished, I’d then rent furniture to get thru the short term (thru Cort) while you work to furnish it with stuff you like and they like.

Thanks- that makes sense and could quickly take care of couch and table and then I have time to wait for delivery of something nicer and permanent.

Any ideas for a service that could furnish all of my kitchen needs and things like towels and bedding in one go? If I could just get it all picked out and delivered instead of spending a weekend running around getting everything, it would be more time I could spend doing fun stuff with my kids.

Yeah, Target or Macy's. You can get everything for a kitchen and bathrooms there. Don't forget to wash all bedding and towels before using.

Could Macy’s just pick everything for me if I walked in and gave them a budget and said how big my townhouse was and how may kids I have?

I asked in my last post if there’s a place to get a list for things you need in a house. Is that a thing that a department store would have if I asked, sort of like a wedding registry?

[Anonymous]

Pp here (who has done this to set up Airbnb’s )It should be feasible in about three weeks fitting it in around the rest of life. One week to plan and order without being overly fussy, one week to receive, process and assemble (assembly help costs about $500) and one week to set up the little stuff and furnish all of the details (blinds, cutlery, glasses). This type of stuff is fun to do with kids at ikea or something over a weekend. You should be able to do this for about 10k.

You can do a version of this in less time (5-6 days) if you do 2-3 hard trips to ikea and are ruthlessly efficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d pick the place you like that you can stay long term. If that is unfurnished, I’d then rent furniture to get thru the short term (thru Cort) while you work to furnish it with stuff you like and they like.

Thanks- that makes sense and could quickly take care of couch and table and then I have time to wait for delivery of something nicer and permanent.

Any ideas for a service that could furnish all of my kitchen needs and things like towels and bedding in one go? If I could just get it all picked out and delivered instead of spending a weekend running around getting everything, it would be more time I could spend doing fun stuff with my kids.

Yeah, Target or Macy's. You can get everything for a kitchen and bathrooms there. Don't forget to wash all bedding and towels before using.

Could Macy’s just pick everything for me if I walked in and gave them a budget and said how big my townhouse was and how may kids I have?

I asked in my last post if there’s a place to get a list for things you need in a house. Is that a thing that a department store would have if I asked, sort of like a wedding registry?

Have you tried google?!?! Wtf dude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here (who has done this to set up Airbnb’s )It should be feasible in about three weeks fitting it in around the rest of life. One week to plan and order without being overly fussy, one week to receive, process and assemble (assembly help costs about $500) and one week to set up the little stuff and furnish all of the details (blinds, cutlery, glasses). This type of stuff is fun to do with kids at ikea or something over a weekend. You should be able to do this for about 10k.

You can do a version of this in less time (5-6 days) if you do 2-3 hard trips to ikea and are ruthlessly efficient.

OP here, thanks, 3 weeks was more than I was expecting but it’s good to see this all laid out and I hadn’t thought of things like blinds. I guess I can do a solo boring trip to Macys or Target and 1-2 fun trips to IKEA and we could have lunch or dinner there. This is going to take pretty much all of my free time for the next month which is frustrating but it will be good to have everything set up before Christmas.

I’m assuming the person who said to hire my wife is a troll. I might be clueless but I’m not that dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here (who has done this to set up Airbnb’s )It should be feasible in about three weeks fitting it in around the rest of life. One week to plan and order without being overly fussy, one week to receive, process and assemble (assembly help costs about $500) and one week to set up the little stuff and furnish all of the details (blinds, cutlery, glasses). This type of stuff is fun to do with kids at ikea or something over a weekend. You should be able to do this for about 10k.

You can do a version of this in less time (5-6 days) if you do 2-3 hard trips to ikea and are ruthlessly efficient.

OP here, thanks, 3 weeks was more than I was expecting but it’s good to see this all laid out and I hadn’t thought of things like blinds. I guess I can do a solo boring trip to Macys or Target and 1-2 fun trips to IKEA and we could have lunch or dinner there. This is going to take pretty much all of my free time for the next month which is frustrating but it will be good to have everything set up before Christmas.

I’m assuming the person who said to hire my wife is a troll. I might be clueless but I’m not that dumb.

Of course it's boring! Of course it takes up your time! I think you're in for a rude awakening. Managing a household with children as the only adult involves a lot of tedious tasks that people don't notice or appreciate until they have to do them. No more wife-- you've got to start initiating and completing these tasks on your own.