Dating an autistic woman - What should I know?

[Anonymous]

There is probably more variety on the spectrum than a group of NT people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been dating for a few weeks now. She’s diagnosed ADHD/ high functioning Autism. I don’t know a lot about the high functioning type of autism, so I’d like any tips and advice on being a great understanding partner.

Talk to your partner. That's the tip. Doesn't matter if they're ADHD/AuDHD. Being a great, understanding partner means putting in the work to get to know your partner, not relying on tropes, stereotypes, and internet wizdumbs.

[Anonymous]

I am autistic. Relationships are more difficult unless your are an extremely patient person and you don’t care about the extra quirks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That it’s highly hereditary

Is it more that, than environmental when a fetus/child? Most studies show how prenatal envirotoxins, toxoplasmosis and other parasites, etc. are a huge factor.

Nope. Research does not show that.

[Anonymous]

I would worry that she actually had a person disorder but got herself an online “autism” diagnosis. Not uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That it’s highly hereditary

Is it more that, than environmental when a fetus/child? Most studies show how prenatal envirotoxins, toxoplasmosis and other parasites, etc. are a huge factor.

Nope. Research does not show that.

Of course it does, what an uninformed thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That it’s highly hereditary

Is it more that, than environmental when a fetus/child? Most studies show how prenatal envirotoxins, toxoplasmosis and other parasites, etc. are a huge factor.

Nope. Research does not show that.

Of course it does, what an uninformed thing to say.

95%++ of autism Dx can be traced to genetics, usually 1 line back, maybe 2.

A very small amount spring up with all NT parents and NT grandparents, and may be due to diet or inoculations or toxins or a billion other variables. It’s ultimately the brain development in utero is incomplete- the empathy and advanced wiring to hold multiple thoughts at the same time.

Their ASD super power however, is to block out everything else and hyperfocus on their chosen thing. But that implies someone else is helping them with their daily obligations and duties so they can only do that one thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am autistic. Relationships are more difficult unless your are an extremely patient person and you don’t care about the extra quirks.

And what do you do to meet in the middle in an AS/NT relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That it’s highly hereditary

Is it more that, than environmental when a fetus/child? Most studies show how prenatal envirotoxins, toxoplasmosis and other parasites, etc. are a huge factor.

Nope. Research does not show that.

Yes it does. You need to get up to speed with science and research.

[Anonymous]

Amy Schumer has written about her autistic husband.

Generally, autistics are blunt, emotionally volatile but also crazy calm during actual emergencies. Life is a wild ride, never boring. If you can truly make her laugh, you have found her heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amy Schumer has written about her autistic husband.

Generally, autistics are blunt, emotionally volatile but also crazy calm during actual emergencies. Life is a wild ride, never boring. If you can truly make her laugh, you have found her heart.

Crazy calm like frozen, deer in headlights. Nothing is processing. Shutdown mode.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That it’s highly hereditary

Is it more that, than environmental when a fetus/child? Most studies show how prenatal envirotoxins, toxoplasmosis and other parasites, etc. are a huge factor.

Nope. Research does not show that.

Yes it does. You need to get up to speed with science and research.

Stop your maga theory that shots cause this.

It’s mostly genetic and well-studied by Attwood, cohen, marshack, and others.

Not to mention you, insiders and outsiders, see the traits and patterns within families.

[Anonymous]

I don't know about women but I highly suspect my husband is on the spectrum. I never made the connection until after kids were already present. The main problem is lack of communication. It's very isolating and frustrating.

[Anonymous]

When I'm dealing with autistic people, I find that saying exactly what I mean helps a lot. They often miss subtle cues.

[Anonymous]

I'm married to someone who I believe is on the spectrum (never medicated or treated, by the symptoms are clear), and we have a great marriage because they are highly organized, brilliant, and reliable. I support their sensory issues by not cooking certain foods in our house or eating certain foods in an enclosed space, and keeping the lighting soft. I try to stick with the schedules that they create. I don't give them a hard time about missing some social cues. They have so many positive qualities that the good outweighs the bad. They passed some traits on to our child, like sensory issues and a need to stick with a routine, but they, too, are incredibly bright and organized.

That said, I couldn't deal with a partner who has ADHD, too. The best traits of my spouse on the spectrum are how organized, timely, and reliable they are. I assume that all goes away with ADHD.