Ugh. Dc threatens to drop out of college at least once a semester. Or transfer someplace cheaper ( and I think easier,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:help your kid figure out the path to finishing. Unless the place they are at is some astronomically incredible school it is not substantially any different from getting a degree locally, so support them to come home and see if they can finish at a local college like UBaltimore. The key is to have the degree. Lots of jobs make a college degree a prerequisite and having one versus not is a huge barrier. But most employers don't particularly care where it's from. (perspective of someone who works in job training and had two siblings drop out of college)

I support this POV.
I am not a fan of any gap year type ideas unless the student is either super motivated and it’s just a step towards their goal, or is majorly struggling (the opposite extreme)
Just have him churn out the degree and then he can do what he wants

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If his dad doesn’t want to or cannot afford college it’s his choice Have him apply to other colleges and see where he gets in then decide.

Well, not exactly ‘his choice’. He’s violating a court order, so.

He knows where he wants to go. A local school where he’d live at home.

And what are you doing to enforce this order so that your kid doesn't have to go into debt for college?? Have you talked to your divorce attorney?

I don't think it is at ALL unwise for him to want to go to a cheaper school rather than take on debt.

He should not drop out, however, without a transfer in place. he should consider a leave of absence.

If he is ok, mental health wise, study abroad could be a good idea. Someplace fun with classes in English that aren't too hard and where he can take needed classes for his major if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Living at home is fine. The US is one of the few countries in the world where this is not considered normal or even expected, before one is married. And many modest income and immigrant families in the US have always done this. it's not a failure at all, it's just a different approach to success. You will feel much more upset if your child has a serious issue because they don't have the mental health supports they need.

Meh. My stepson is living at home after not succeeding at living in the dorms and it's definitely a failure to launch situation. He doesn't socialize with his peers, at least not during evening nor on weekends. It's kind of sad.

[Anonymous]

If he's a junior figure out the bare minimum he still needs to do to graduate. Maybe it's possible he could get out this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let him take a semester at home or elsewhere and then have him go back.

I think it's important to take breaks but also to finish what you start.

I had a rough start to junior year. I ended up withdrawing from a writing intensive class in my major.

My dad tried to offer me various solutions to my woes. The funniest actually made me want to stay in school. It was an insane international gap year type project. I won't say what it was, but kind of on the level of the semester spent learning how to operate a historical giant sailing ship. My husband (friend at the time) and I still talk about it.

I eventually snapped out of my funk, dropped the frustrating class, recommitted to my major and graduated on time.

I have offered my kids gap years after high school, but older one did not want it and younger one is not interested so far.

Ok that’s kind of awesome!! How did you do that? I’d love him to find something like that for his semester off. Im Just worried he’ll end up sitting around the house on his phone

Any other ideas like that?

OP, for pete's sake, why would you allow this??

Yes, he can drop out for a semester if he needs a reboot. But he must work 100% of the time or do something else constructive.

[Anonymous]

Maybe if you promised him some help with the payment/future loans, it would entice him to stay?
But again it depends on how much better his current school is than your local college.
I support the idea of graduating debt free, because good jobs aren’t guaranteed at all. But maybe it’s my poor mentality talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Living at home is fine. The US is one of the few countries in the world where this is not considered normal or even expected, before one is married. And many modest income and immigrant families in the US have always done this. it's not a failure at all, it's just a different approach to success. You will feel much more upset if your child has a serious issue because they don't have the mental health supports they need.

Meh. My stepson is living at home after not succeeding at living in the dorms and it's definitely a failure to launch situation. He doesn't socialize with his peers, at least not during evening nor on weekends. It's kind of sad.

DP.
I think most if not all FTL situations are a product of mental health issues, not external circumstances. Even if he rode it out in college he could still return home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let him take a semester at home or elsewhere and then have him go back.

I think it's important to take breaks but also to finish what you start.

I had a rough start to junior year. I ended up withdrawing from a writing intensive class in my major.

My dad tried to offer me various solutions to my woes. The funniest actually made me want to stay in school. It was an insane international gap year type project. I won't say what it was, but kind of on the level of the semester spent learning how to operate a historical giant sailing ship. My husband (friend at the time) and I still talk about it.

I eventually snapped out of my funk, dropped the frustrating class, recommitted to my major and graduated on time.

I have offered my kids gap years after high school, but older one did not want it and younger one is not interested so far.

Ok that’s kind of awesome!! How did you do that? I’d love him to find something like that for his semester off. Im Just worried he’ll end up sitting around the house on his phone

Any other ideas like that?

OP, for pete's sake, why would you allow this??

Yes, he can drop out for a semester if he needs a reboot. But he must work 100% of the time or do something else constructive.

Not OP but I don’t think it’s a good idea to let him not do work towards his graduation. He can get sidetracked easily or it’ll be a constant battle of making sure he is actually working.

It’s best to have him get a degree asap one way or another.

[Anonymous]

If he's up for a change of scenery look into study abroad for spring semester.

Most study abroad programs are very easy, and grades don't count for the GPA in most colleges. They usually cost about as much as a semester at the home college.

If he's not up for world travel (and many kids aren't, esp. those who are depressed) maybe a "Washington Semester"-type program. Lots of colleges have these, combining 1-2 courses with a for-credit internship. Would give him a break from the grind but keep him on course to graduate.

All this depends on his major, though -- if he's engineering or something, it might be harder to take a semester accruing no major credits and still graduate on time. Fall of junior year isn't too late to change (esp. to a less demanding major), but he should be considering that kind of change NOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am just here to commiserate with you about the college advisor lady who showed him how to drop out. The amount of stupidity and carelessness in the education system is astonishing.

Thank you! I was hoping she’d give him a pep talk. Point him to some support services etc. Nope

[Anonymous]

What's his major?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If his dad doesn’t want to or cannot afford college it’s his choice Have him apply to other colleges and see where he gets in then decide.

Well, not exactly ‘his choice’. He’s violating a court order, so.

He knows where he wants to go. A local school where he’d live at home.

And what are you doing to enforce this order so that your kid doesn't have to go into debt for college?? Have you talked to your divorce attorney?

I don't think it is at ALL unwise for him to want to go to a cheaper school rather than take on debt.

He should not drop out, however, without a transfer in place. he should consider a leave of absence.

If he is ok, mental health wise, study abroad could be a good idea. Someplace fun with classes in English that aren't too hard and where he can take needed classes for his major if necessary.

Oh lol, lady. You have no idea. But enforcement where I live takes time, especially with someone like my ex. So it’s not happening any time soon.

He is willing to go abroad. But that’s next semester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let him take a semester at home or elsewhere and then have him go back.

I think it's important to take breaks but also to finish what you start.

I had a rough start to junior year. I ended up withdrawing from a writing intensive class in my major.

My dad tried to offer me various solutions to my woes. The funniest actually made me want to stay in school. It was an insane international gap year type project. I won't say what it was, but kind of on the level of the semester spent learning how to operate a historical giant sailing ship. My husband (friend at the time) and I still talk about it.

I eventually snapped out of my funk, dropped the frustrating class, recommitted to my major and graduated on time.

I have offered my kids gap years after high school, but older one did not want it and younger one is not interested so far.

Ok that’s kind of awesome!! How did you do that? I’d love him to find something like that for his semester off. Im Just worried he’ll end up sitting around the house on his phone

Any other ideas like that?

Lol, to be clear, I did not go on the crazy gap year project. I decided I was overthinking things and it was okay to admit defeat (by withdrawing from a 2nd writing intensive class) and just "get over myself".

I remember though, how much my dad was in my corner. How much he wanted to solve my problem for me, even if the solutions were off base. It made me feel cared for, even though I had to solve my problems myself.

Regarding opportunities for study abroad and projects, that can be hard to do on short notice. Usually it needs to be about a semester in advance. When my dad was proposing something I was mid-way through fall semester and the project would have started in January.

So...how can you help find crazy proposals (lol) for your kid? Basically the internet. But there are professionals who are gap year consultants. Programs cost you tuition and participation money, while working and volunteering are free.

If you really like the learning to sail a ship idea, Google for programs. Here's one. I have no personal experience with it.

https://www.seamester.com/sailing-study-abroad-program/

I find that living and working abroad really makes me feel fully alive. I'm grateful for the couple opportunities that I have had. CIEE is a reputable non-profit which my family has personal experience with. See if there's anything there for next semester that works.

https://www.ciee.org/

I think letting your kid move home is okay and not failure to launch. It's better than flunking/withdrawing from paid classes. Americans are weird about kids moving out. To the point where it's economically wasteful of family resources that could be conserved by sharing. And why is it so great to have family that doesn't live near you and that you don't see much of. I wouldn't worry about a temporary move home to improve comfort and happiness.


Okay...here's a maybe weird option you can propose. For about $6K your kid can take this 3 week appliance repair course in Ohio.

https://academy.fredsappliance.com/

At the beginning of a young man's life, if he could help you, his dad, and his future household out, you'd probably get your money's worth out of it. I've been keeping this in mind for my younger kid as a sort of very expensive summer camp once he turns 18. Because nobody in our family is handy and every repair costs a minimum of $300 because we don't have DIY confidence.

A final thought. Maybe if your kid takes a one or two semester break, your ExH can save enough money/catch-up to go back to paying vs. loans.

Good luck to you and your kid. Explore all your options with an open mind. Don't worry about what's conventional.

These are great ideas, thank you so much!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just here to commiserate with you about the college advisor lady who showed him how to drop out. The amount of stupidity and carelessness in the education system is astonishing.

Thank you! I was hoping she’d give him a pep talk. Point him to some support services etc. Nope

I have a high schooler with some struggles but not to the level of official extra supports. The only teachers that helped him did it by their own volition, not because I reached out to them. The rest, incl his counselor, were useless. Maybe I shouldn’t be as upset that he doesn’t go to them on his own lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe if you promised him some help with the payment/future loans, it would entice him to stay?
But again it depends on how much better his current school is than your local college.
I support the idea of graduating debt free, because good jobs aren’t guaranteed at all. But maybe it’s my poor mentality talking.

Yes, I’m trying to talk to him about the loans. He’s just overwhelmed though.

His current school is a good school with great name recognition, around the world even. The local school? Not at all. It’s a decent school, at least in his program, but it is absolutely not known outside of our state. Tbh I’m kinda bummed he didn’t do the cheap option for a year or two, and then transfer to finish at the other school.