Ugh. Dc threatens to drop out of college at least once a semester. Or transfer someplace cheaper ( and I think easier,

[Anonymous]

But he doesn’t say that. I always talk him into staying.

He’s a junior now. And the talk has started again. He even went to his faculty advisor the other day to discuss it and she told him how to drop out (Thanks, lady).

Other details. His dad and I are supposed to split tuition but his dad stopped paying and had ds take out loans (dad co signs) last semester. I could pay 100 percent but it would be a big stretch. So dc is stressed about that piece too.

He goes to a grind college. Not a lot of academic support either. He has made friends and has a good GPA for his program, but I know it’s not easy. His idea is to take a semester off and then finish college locally at home.

He had moderate depression and anxiety in HS. Took an SSRI and did great but is now off of it, and not interested in re starting. Therapy isn’t an option right now either.

Wwyd? Encourage him to stay? Let him drop out and live at home? Offer to pay all tuition and deal with his dad separately?

Any non snarky advice appreciated

[Anonymous]

I'd let him take a semester at home or elsewhere and then have him go back.

I think it's important to take breaks but also to finish what you start.

I had a rough start to junior year. I ended up withdrawing from a writing intensive class in my major.

My dad tried to offer me various solutions to my woes. The funniest actually made me want to stay in school. It was an insane international gap year type project. I won't say what it was, but kind of on the level of the semester spent learning how to operate a historical giant sailing ship. My husband (friend at the time) and I still talk about it.

I eventually snapped out of my funk, dropped the frustrating class, recommitted to my major and graduated on time.

I have offered my kids gap years after high school, but older one did not want it and younger one is not interested so far.

[Anonymous]

Your kid sounds miserable right now.

You can’t force someone to succeed on your terms or to be happy.

Give them space to do what they want.

[Anonymous]

If his dad doesn’t want to or cannot afford college it’s his choice Have him apply to other colleges and see where he gets in then decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd let him take a semester at home or elsewhere and then have him go back.

I think it's important to take breaks but also to finish what you start.

I had a rough start to junior year. I ended up withdrawing from a writing intensive class in my major.

My dad tried to offer me various solutions to my woes. The funniest actually made me want to stay in school. It was an insane international gap year type project. I won't say what it was, but kind of on the level of the semester spent learning how to operate a historical giant sailing ship. My husband (friend at the time) and I still talk about it.

I eventually snapped out of my funk, dropped the frustrating class, recommitted to my major and graduated on time.

I have offered my kids gap years after high school, but older one did not want it and younger one is not interested so far.

Ok that’s kind of awesome!! How did you do that? I’d love him to find something like that for his semester off. Im Just worried he’ll end up sitting around the house on his phone

Any other ideas like that?

[Anonymous]

He should drop out because he may not find a job after graduating. Save money.

[Anonymous]

Why can't he transfer somewhere cheaper if there is a suitable school? Why force kid to take out more loans just to "finish what they started"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If his dad doesn’t want to or cannot afford college it’s his choice Have him apply to other colleges and see where he gets in then decide.

Well, not exactly ‘his choice’. He’s violating a court order, so.

He knows where he wants to go. A local school where he’d live at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't he transfer somewhere cheaper if there is a suitable school? Why force kid to take out more loans just to "finish what they started"?

Well, he’d live at home, that’s why. I’m not sure that’s a good idea, and worry he’s failing to launch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If his dad doesn’t want to or cannot afford college it’s his choice Have him apply to other colleges and see where he gets in then decide.

Well, not exactly ‘his choice’. He’s violating a court order, so.

He knows where he wants to go. A local school where he’d live at home.

Let him apply to the local school

If he gets in and he will graduate with a four year degree on time this is a no brainer

[Anonymous]

help your kid figure out the path to finishing. Unless the place they are at is some astronomically incredible school it is not substantially any different from getting a degree locally, so support them to come home and see if they can finish at a local college like UBaltimore. The key is to have the degree. Lots of jobs make a college degree a prerequisite and having one versus not is a huge barrier. But most employers don't particularly care where it's from. (perspective of someone who works in job training and had two siblings drop out of college)

[Anonymous]

Living at home is fine. The US is one of the few countries in the world where this is not considered normal or even expected, before one is married. And many modest income and immigrant families in the US have always done this. it's not a failure at all, it's just a different approach to success. You will feel much more upset if your child has a serious issue because they don't have the mental health supports they need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let him take a semester at home or elsewhere and then have him go back.

I think it's important to take breaks but also to finish what you start.

I had a rough start to junior year. I ended up withdrawing from a writing intensive class in my major.

My dad tried to offer me various solutions to my woes. The funniest actually made me want to stay in school. It was an insane international gap year type project. I won't say what it was, but kind of on the level of the semester spent learning how to operate a historical giant sailing ship. My husband (friend at the time) and I still talk about it.

I eventually snapped out of my funk, dropped the frustrating class, recommitted to my major and graduated on time.

I have offered my kids gap years after high school, but older one did not want it and younger one is not interested so far.

Ok that’s kind of awesome!! How did you do that? I’d love him to find something like that for his semester off. Im Just worried he’ll end up sitting around the house on his phone

Any other ideas like that?

Lol, to be clear, I did not go on the crazy gap year project. I decided I was overthinking things and it was okay to admit defeat (by withdrawing from a 2nd writing intensive class) and just "get over myself".

I remember though, how much my dad was in my corner. How much he wanted to solve my problem for me, even if the solutions were off base. It made me feel cared for, even though I had to solve my problems myself.

Regarding opportunities for study abroad and projects, that can be hard to do on short notice. Usually it needs to be about a semester in advance. When my dad was proposing something I was mid-way through fall semester and the project would have started in January.

So...how can you help find crazy proposals (lol) for your kid? Basically the internet. But there are professionals who are gap year consultants. Programs cost you tuition and participation money, while working and volunteering are free.

If you really like the learning to sail a ship idea, Google for programs. Here's one. I have no personal experience with it.

https://www.seamester.com/sailing-study-abroad-program/

I find that living and working abroad really makes me feel fully alive. I'm grateful for the couple opportunities that I have had. CIEE is a reputable non-profit which my family has personal experience with. See if there's anything there for next semester that works.

https://www.ciee.org/

I think letting your kid move home is okay and not failure to launch. It's better than flunking/withdrawing from paid classes. Americans are weird about kids moving out. To the point where it's economically wasteful of family resources that could be conserved by sharing. And why is it so great to have family that doesn't live near you and that you don't see much of. I wouldn't worry about a temporary move home to improve comfort and happiness.


Okay...here's a maybe weird option you can propose. For about $6K your kid can take this 3 week appliance repair course in Ohio.

https://academy.fredsappliance.com/

At the beginning of a young man's life, if he could help you, his dad, and his future household out, you'd probably get your money's worth out of it. I've been keeping this in mind for my younger kid as a sort of very expensive summer camp once he turns 18. Because nobody in our family is handy and every repair costs a minimum of $300 because we don't have DIY confidence.

A final thought. Maybe if your kid takes a one or two semester break, your ExH can save enough money/catch-up to go back to paying vs. loans.

Good luck to you and your kid. Explore all your options with an open mind. Don't worry about what's conventional.

[Anonymous]

I am just here to commiserate with you about the college advisor lady who showed him how to drop out. The amount of stupidity and carelessness in the education system is astonishing.

[Anonymous]

What about something like the Good Life gap semester, in which students and/or students-to-be pause to think actively about what a good life means to them personally. Might help reconnect him to his “why.”