Ugh. Dc threatens to drop out of college at least once a semester. Or transfer someplace cheaper ( and I think easier,

[Anonymous]

He can fail if he wants to and you can't stop him.

Listen to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just here to commiserate with you about the college advisor lady who showed him how to drop out. The amount of stupidity and carelessness in the education system is astonishing.

Thank you! I was hoping she’d give him a pep talk. Point him to some support services etc. Nope

I have a high schooler with some struggles but not to the level of official extra supports. The only teachers that helped him did it by their own volition, not because I reached out to them. The rest, incl his counselor, were useless. Maybe I shouldn’t be as upset that he doesn’t go to them on his own lol

Most colleges have some sort of support services, like study groups etc. I’m not talking about formal supports or the professors doing anything

Sorry, I wasn’t clear enough, what I mean is that many people who work in education do not care and are useless

I don’t disagree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he get the new-semester jitters? My daughter (also a junior) gets these every single semester, and she spends the first couple of weeks convinced she's about to flunk out. It's happened enough times now that she acknowledges and expects it.

In terms of saving money, study abroad for a semester could save you a lot of tuition if he's in a private school. My daughter will be studying with CIEE next semester on their block program. She is attending two blocks (12 weeks total) and the tuition for the semester is $15k, which includes her apartment. Another solution is to find a study abroad program run through your in-state public which will charge in-state tuition. My daughter's school also changed their policy a few years ago... it used to be seniors could not study abroad, but now first-semester seniors can. So this could be something to check on as well.

This is good advice, thank you. Good luck to your dd!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But he doesn’t say that. I always talk him into staying.

He’s a junior now. And the talk has started again. He even went to his faculty advisor the other day to discuss it and she told him how to drop out (Thanks, lady).

Other details. His dad and I are supposed to split tuition but his dad stopped paying and had ds take out loans (dad co signs) last semester. I could pay 100 percent but it would be a big stretch. So dc is stressed about that piece too.

He goes to a grind college. Not a lot of academic support either. He has made friends and has a good GPA for his program, but I know it’s not easy. His idea is to take a semester off and then finish college locally at home.

He had moderate depression and anxiety in HS. Took an SSRI and did great but is now off of it, and not interested in re starting. Therapy isn’t an option right now either.

Wwyd? Encourage him to stay? Let him drop out and live at home? Offer to pay all tuition and deal with his dad separately?

Any non snarky advice appreciated

Not meaning to be snarky. But appears as if faculty advisor is clearly hearing your son. He's been saying he's unhappy yet you talk him into staying. And then he says again he doesn't want to stay there. Please listen to him.

[Anonymous]

So your son has been saying for 3 years he's unhappy and wants to transfer. And you just push him to stay and take on loans. And when he finally found someone who seemed to actually listen to him, you demonize them. This thread is really sad.

[Anonymous]

A lot of students in the US commute to college. It doesn’t make them FTL. Most students in the rest of the world commute to college. Its illogical how we spend hundreds and thousands of dollars on our kids to go to college, take on loans, live far away from home, spend their time in college drinking, doing drugs, having se-, and call that independence. Yet we pay for all those things. But if a student needs to live at home for whatever reason (not taking on loans is reasonable ), we just assume he/she will be a failure to launch.. what is wrong with everyone?

[Anonymous]

He may just be a miserable feck.
My sister has been in a top job - status, prestige, pay, perks for the past 15 yrs but has been complaining about it for the past 8 yrs and how she wants to escape.

I nod, smile, shrug, move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may just be a miserable feck.
My sister has been in a top job - status, prestige, pay, perks for the past 15 yrs but has been complaining about it for the past 8 yrs and how she wants to escape.

I nod, smile, shrug, move on.

Exactly, some people just have anxiety or something and they always find something to complain about. Doesn’t mean they are suffering, like truly suffering.
I like the advice about visiting, talking him into SSRIs, and telling him he’ll have help with the loans. Let these two years pass, let him graduate and do whatever the heck he wants.

[Anonymous]

If the OP parents can help with the loans why sre they making the kid take them on? Kid has no reason to trust they will since they have ignored his desire to go to a cheaper place. Vicarious much, OP?

[Anonymous]

Why did a kid with anxiety and depression go to a “grinder school?.”

Then stop medication that was working, and for some reason , counseling us “off the table.”

I feel very sorry for him.

Sounds like everyone’s priorités are mixed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did a kid with anxiety and depression go to a “grinder school?.”

Then stop medication that was working, and for some reason , counseling us “off the table.”

I feel very sorry for him.

Sounds like everyone’s priorités are mixed up.

Op here, guess you missed the updates. Dc chose this school. I had almost zero to do with it. Dc is very bright, the work is not an issue, he has a strong GPA. He chose to go off meds, not me. And just realistically it will be hard to find a good therapist right now, but dc knows he’s welcome to see someone if he likes.

Re $. A big issue and it sucks, but it’s on his dad. In fact I warned dc repeatedly before he accepted that his dad wasn’t reliable with money and to think deeply about going to this school, but he insisted. At some point, dc is an adult and needs to make his own decisions. To that end, I’m not forcing him to stay and I’m going to try to help him with tuition but I won’t be able to pay for 100 percent and you know what, I don’t think that’s so terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of students in the US commute to college. It doesn’t make them FTL. Most students in the rest of the world commute to college. Its illogical how we spend hundreds and thousands of dollars on our kids to go to college, take on loans, live far away from home, spend their time in college drinking, doing drugs, having se-, and call that independence. Yet we pay for all those things. But if a student needs to live at home for whatever reason (not taking on loans is reasonable ), we just assume he/she will be a failure to launch.. what is wrong with everyone?

Op here. I don’t disagree with this but dc very much chose this school, moved there (sighed a year lease in fact), etc and has already paid for 2+ years. It seems like a waste to drop now. Also, I am worried he’s too comfortable at home. And yes, I can nag but can I ‘force’ him to do things like clean up after himself? No. And I don’t want to spend my year nagging

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But he doesn’t say that. I always talk him into staying.

He’s a junior now. And the talk has started again. He even went to his faculty advisor the other day to discuss it and she told him how to drop out (Thanks, lady).

Other details. His dad and I are supposed to split tuition but his dad stopped paying and had ds take out loans (dad co signs) last semester. I could pay 100 percent but it would be a big stretch. So dc is stressed about that piece too.

He goes to a grind college. Not a lot of academic support either. He has made friends and has a good GPA for his program, but I know it’s not easy. His idea is to take a semester off and then finish college locally at home.

He had moderate depression and anxiety in HS. Took an SSRI and did great but is now off of it, and not interested in re starting. Therapy isn’t an option right now either.

Wwyd? Encourage him to stay? Let him drop out and live at home? Offer to pay all tuition and deal with his dad separately?

Any non snarky advice appreciated

Not meaning to be snarky. But appears as if faculty advisor is clearly hearing your son. He's been saying he's unhappy yet you talk him into staying. And then he says again he doesn't want to stay there. Please listen to him.

It’s really about the money. I think dc just has a hard time laying anything at his dad’s feet. A messed up dynamic thanks to my ex. But anyway. I talk him into staying bc when I ask him if he likes the school, he says he loves it (after two days of kvetching, he told me this yesterday…. WTF). And he’s doing well. So it’s hard for me to think dropping out is a good idea.

As far as the FA, not sure it was a magical sensitivity on her part. More that it’s just a very hands off school and they don’t care. He also went into discuss them giving him a small break on tuition and they said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your son has been saying for 3 years he's unhappy and wants to transfer. And you just push him to stay and take on loans. And when he finally found someone who seemed to actually listen to him, you demonize them. This thread is really sad.

Op. No, he doesn’t say he’s unhappy at the school. That’s a leap you made. In fact, he says he loves it there.

[Anonymous]

OK, so you say it’s about the money. So focus on that. You have refused to give specifics on this thread about what you were doing to enforce the contract where his dad agreed to pay. What exactly have you done with regards to this breach of contract? You seem to think this is a good school for your son and that he should just stay there and he is performing well and you are now adding that he’s not unhappy there. He’s just upset about the money. So what you need to do is get his dad to pay or to sign out his own loan and his own name. You haven’t given us details about what’s happening on that other than to laugh at the idea that you should try to enforce that contract. Presumably you gave up something else in the divorce negotiations so that his dad would have to pay for college. Or for half of college or whatever the deal is. so enforce that. I’m an attorney and I find your lack of detail and response about what you were doing with regards to enforcing contract to be very annoying.