Ugh. Dc threatens to drop out of college at least once a semester. Or transfer someplace cheaper ( and I think easier,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just here to commiserate with you about the college advisor lady who showed him how to drop out. The amount of stupidity and carelessness in the education system is astonishing.

Thank you! I was hoping she’d give him a pep talk. Point him to some support services etc. Nope

I have a high schooler with some struggles but not to the level of official extra supports. The only teachers that helped him did it by their own volition, not because I reached out to them. The rest, incl his counselor, were useless. Maybe I shouldn’t be as upset that he doesn’t go to them on his own lol

Same poster again. I also have a volatile ex who is prone to changing his mind about paying for things. Sometimes it’s not worth it to try to enforce, but to figure out a way to do it without him.
Please don’t feel like a bad mom if you aren’t twisting your ex’s arms about stuff. Sometimes it can backfire. I am sure you are doing all you can. And yes your DS can take on some loans, unless they are astronomical and his degree is useless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just here to commiserate with you about the college advisor lady who showed him how to drop out. The amount of stupidity and carelessness in the education system is astonishing.

Thank you! I was hoping she’d give him a pep talk. Point him to some support services etc. Nope

I have a high schooler with some struggles but not to the level of official extra supports. The only teachers that helped him did it by their own volition, not because I reached out to them. The rest, incl his counselor, were useless. Maybe I shouldn’t be as upset that he doesn’t go to them on his own lol

Most colleges have some sort of support services, like study groups etc. I’m not talking about formal supports or the professors doing anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe if you promised him some help with the payment/future loans, it would entice him to stay?
But again it depends on how much better his current school is than your local college.
I support the idea of graduating debt free, because good jobs aren’t guaranteed at all. But maybe it’s my poor mentality talking.

Yes, I’m trying to talk to him about the loans. He’s just overwhelmed though.

His current school is a good school with great name recognition, around the world even. The local school? Not at all. It’s a decent school, at least in his program, but it is absolutely not known outside of our state. Tbh I’m kinda bummed he didn’t do the cheap option for a year or two, and then transfer to finish at the other school.

I am the same poster who posted about the disappointing college lady.
I think it can be hard for some kids to change colleges so I would do the same for my kid, I’d encourage him to go to a good school from the start.

I think you should try to get to the root of the issue, why does he want to drop out? Take off any burden that is not directly relevant. Like, maybe he doesn’t need to worry about the loans. If he is fine overall where he is, it makes sense to stay. If it’s one course that is giving him all the anxiety, maybe he should drop it. Maybe you can visit him and he can stay at an Airbnb with you and you two can actually talk about this?

If he is anything like my kid, he may be thrown off by not being comfortable at his dorm, or something else that isn’t directly relevant and can be fixed to help him stay where he is.

Anyway, I wish you luck. It’s heartbreaking to see how our kids continue to throw us curveballs even after they are adults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just here to commiserate with you about the college advisor lady who showed him how to drop out. The amount of stupidity and carelessness in the education system is astonishing.

Thank you! I was hoping she’d give him a pep talk. Point him to some support services etc. Nope

I have a high schooler with some struggles but not to the level of official extra supports. The only teachers that helped him did it by their own volition, not because I reached out to them. The rest, incl his counselor, were useless. Maybe I shouldn’t be as upset that he doesn’t go to them on his own lol

Most colleges have some sort of support services, like study groups etc. I’m not talking about formal supports or the professors doing anything

Sorry, I wasn’t clear enough, what I mean is that many people who work in education do not care and are useless

[Anonymous]

He should stay and finish as his current university. Study abroad might be a luxury, a financial luxury. I wouldn't be agreeing to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't he transfer somewhere cheaper if there is a suitable school? Why force kid to take out more loans just to "finish what they started"?

Well, he’d live at home, that’s why. I’m not sure that’s a good idea, and worry he’s failing to launch

Please don’t think that. He was stressed before, and now he is doubly-stressed because he has to take loans out for an expensive college that he wasn’t planning on doing. Let him come home. Let him go to the cheaper college. He will launch at some point, but right now, he needs a break from the stress.

I struggled in college and came home for a spell. I did graduate (although into a recession). I floundered a bit, but I ultimately ended up in a great career. I just needed the time and space to figure it out. Believe me — he would rather NOT live at home if he didn’t feel like he needed to.

[Anonymous]

If your child drops out Monday morning, will he (you) be reimbursed for the semester tuition? Can the loan amount be returned? Is he in an apartment? If so, are you on the hook for the year’s rent? Was it the OP (or another poster) who said her son would be on board for a semester aboard? Who is paying for that experience, considering he had to borrow money for tuition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should drop out because he may not find a job after graduating. Save money.

The way the economy is right now, job prospects are going to be very low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should drop out because he may not find a job after graduating. Save money.

The way the economy is right now, job prospects are going to be very low.

Dp but I think unless it means a huge strain everyone should have a degree under their belt, just in case and also to develop their thinking. Then they can figure it out later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Living at home is fine. The US is one of the few countries in the world where this is not considered normal or even expected, before one is married. And many modest income and immigrant families in the US have always done this. it's not a failure at all, it's just a different approach to success. You will feel much more upset if your child has a serious issue because they don't have the mental health supports they need.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But he doesn’t say that. I always talk him into staying.

He’s a junior now. And the talk has started again. He even went to his faculty advisor the other day to discuss it and she told him how to drop out (Thanks, lady).

Other details. His dad and I are supposed to split tuition but his dad stopped paying and had ds take out loans (dad co signs) last semester. I could pay 100 percent but it would be a big stretch. So dc is stressed about that piece too.

He goes to a grind college. Not a lot of academic support either. He has made friends and has a good GPA for his program, but I know it’s not easy. His idea is to take a semester off and then finish college locally at home.

He had moderate depression and anxiety in HS. Took an SSRI and did great but is now off of it, and not interested in re starting. Therapy isn’t an option right now either.

Wwyd? Encourage him to stay? Let him drop out and live at home? Offer to pay all tuition and deal with his dad separately?

Any non snarky advice appreciated

Can you move to where his college is, even temporarily?

[Anonymous]

Nope. He has to soldier through. He's worked really hard to get where he is, and he only has two years left. He needs to see a therapist for his anxiety, download Calm on his phone, do yoga, be persuaded to take anxiety meds again, and take it easy during breaks.

But he needs to graduate with that diploma from his "grind" college.

Also, his father is a total jerk. Tell your son that he's not on the hook for helping his father in his old age!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If his dad doesn’t want to or cannot afford college it’s his choice Have him apply to other colleges and see where he gets in then decide.

Well, not exactly ‘his choice’. He’s violating a court order, so.

He knows where he wants to go. A local school where he’d live at home.

Let him apply to the local school

If he gets in and he will graduate with a four year degree on time this is a no brainer

+ A zillion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am just here to commiserate with you about the college advisor lady who showed him how to drop out. The amount of stupidity and carelessness in the education system is astonishing.

Or maybe the counselor has lost depressed students to suicide in the past, and is looking out for her son's mental/psychological well-being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe if you promised him some help with the payment/future loans, it would entice him to stay?
But again it depends on how much better his current school is than your local college.
I support the idea of graduating debt free, because good jobs aren’t guaranteed at all. But maybe it’s my poor mentality talking.

Yes, I’m trying to talk to him about the loans. He’s just overwhelmed though.

His current school is a good school with great name recognition, around the world even. The local school? Not at all. It’s a decent school, at least in his program, but it is absolutely not known outside of our state. Tbh I’m kinda bummed he didn’t do the cheap option for a year or two, and then transfer to finish at the other school.

I am the same poster who posted about the disappointing college lady.
I think it can be hard for some kids to change colleges so I would do the same for my kid, I’d encourage him to go to a good school from the start.

I think you should try to get to the root of the issue, why does he want to drop out? Take off any burden that is not directly relevant. Like, maybe he doesn’t need to worry about the loans. If he is fine overall where he is, it makes sense to stay. If it’s one course that is giving him all the anxiety, maybe he should drop it. Maybe you can visit him and he can stay at an Airbnb with you and you two can actually talk about this?

If he is anything like my kid, he may be thrown off by not being comfortable at his dorm, or something else that isn’t directly relevant and can be fixed to help him stay where he is.

Anyway, I wish you luck. It’s heartbreaking to see how our kids continue to throw us curveballs even after they are adults

Thank you, I really appreciate it