Is there any reason my husband of 20 years would order an STI test other than he cheated?

[Anonymous]

It is possible that his doctor suggested it for some other reason than cheating. But don't hope for that, and get tested yourself, given your symptoms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many adults do this as a matter of course, with no cheating and no symptoms of anything.

He may have cheated.

He may have thought you cheated for some reason.

He may have had symptoms of something even though he did not cheat, and the something may or may not be an STD.

Did your symptoms lead you to get tested? Was the result positive for an STD?

Many? Really? And you know this, how?

My doctor told me.

[Anonymous]

Men are more likely to live with an STI and not say anything until it causes them not to be able to get it up or results in another health problem. I know someone who was diagnosed with herpes after having a systemic outbreak that landed him in the hospital. He had a girlfriend at the time who left him while he was still in the hospital.

[Anonymous]

I would get tested and start doing some digging too. Has his phone use changed? Any habits changed or appointments, work dinners etc.

It’s worth snooping and it’s definitely better to quiet my investigate than confront. IF something is going on, you need to gather evidence before he starts covering his tracks.

It’s possible that it’s a routine part of his annual physical or he had some issue that made his doc want to test, but that doesn’t seem all that likely. They could have been looking for some long dormant issue i guess?

[Anonymous]

OP adding a little extra info: he doesn't have a regular doctor. The order was from some online place that you order blood testing from. There was no doctor involved. Thanks for all the input so far. And yes to new and strange behaviors, especially phone use. I just see him texting and being into his phone much more in the last two years or so than before. The fact is, I really don't even care anymore. I don't want to have syphilis, but I would be happy to be done with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many adults do this as a matter of course, with no cheating and no symptoms of anything.

He may have cheated.

He may have thought you cheated for some reason.

He may have had symptoms of something even though he did not cheat, and the something may or may not be an STD.

Did your symptoms lead you to get tested? Was the result positive for an STD?

No, they really don’t. I don’t know anyone who has done this, nor can I figure out why someone would. So please illuminate me? Why would someone in a monogamous marriage do this (especially without symptoms)? Since you know so many people that do this, what is their explanation? Thanks for your help!

[Anonymous]

Are you cheating?

My doctor ordered testing without telling me. The lab techs told me and asked me if I wanted it as it wasn't something normal for me. I have a huge amout of health issues so they wanted it for rule out I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many adults do this as a matter of course, with no cheating and no symptoms of anything.

He may have cheated.

He may have thought you cheated for some reason.

He may have had symptoms of something even though he did not cheat, and the something may or may not be an STD.

Did your symptoms lead you to get tested? Was the result positive for an STD?

No, they really don’t. I don’t know anyone who has done this, nor can I figure out why someone would. So please illuminate me? Why would someone in a monogamous marriage do this (especially without symptoms)? Since you know so many people that do this, what is their explanation? Thanks for your help!

Hi, it's me!

AS I said in an earlier post, I went to the doctor for some dong problems (non-STI related) and they ordered an STI test to be sure... I swore up and down I didn't cheat, but the doc doesn't know if I'm lying and it's their job to find out what's wrong. Also, could've been dormant, or they figured my wife was the cheater and I was about to find out...

Also, maybe the husband thinks the wife IS cheating.

I made a point to tell my wife about the doc wanting the STI, but I could see why a husband would be embarassed at the implications (that his wife is sleeping around on him) or dismissive and doesn't share it.

[Anonymous]

If he is f**g men it's a lot worse than if men are f**g him. If he is sleeping with men your best hope is that he is the one giving it as opposed to receiving it because of he is the one receiving he is more likely to catch HIV that way for example.

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman and had some burning and itching. When I didn't respond to yeast infection meds, I went to doc. She tested for BV, which it was. But asked if I wanted STI testing. I trust my husband but you know, I don't know 100% for sure if he's faithful.(I've been faithful) So I said sure, why not? Can't hurt. STI tests came back negative. It sounds like you have other reasons thought to suspect your spouse is unfaithful.

[Anonymous]

Or he ordered it because he thinks YOU are cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP adding a little extra info: he doesn't have a regular doctor. The order was from some online place that you order blood testing from. There was no doctor involved. Thanks for all the input so far. And yes to new and strange behaviors, especially phone use. I just see him texting and being into his phone much more in the last two years or so than before. The fact is, I really don't even care anymore. I don't want to have syphilis, but I would be happy to be done with him.

OP, as someone who has btdt, before you do anything else, get your ducks in a row. DO NOT confront him about any of this until you do.

First and foremost, get tested.

Consult a lawyer to see what your options are, and what you can legally do about assets and finances in the interim. Then, start some digging.

If you can, see about accessing his phone records. Track his phone, if you can, on FindMy, or see where he’s been if he has the option to track his location turned on under his Google account. Not sure how far you can take this but your lawyer should be able to tell you.

Make sure you have everything you need before you confront him because he WILL destroy evidence.

Again, I’m so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope he didn't give you genital herpes.

Someone definitely gave her genital herpes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he is f**g men it's a lot worse than if men are f**g him. If he is sleeping with men your best hope is that he is the one giving it as opposed to receiving it because of he is the one receiving he is more likely to catch HIV that way for example.

You’re contradicting yourself.

But you’re correct that it’s statistically easier to catch as a bottom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope he didn't give you genital herpes.

Someone definitely gave her genital herpes.

When I was tested after my husband’s affair, they said they can’t “test” for herpes because most everyone has the HSV virus, that the tests can’t differentiate between the type that causes cold sores and the type that causes vaginal lesions.