Happy Easter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Spoken like a true American. Your family clearly has been here many, many decades for you to be so disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that your child would offer you a text on a holiday. If
Ts not like she asked for dinner or a card. Give me a break.

NP here but the martyrdom stuff comes from assuming that OP means they want the daughter to text them first, right? It's fair to say "I texted my daughter happy easter and she never responded." That's rude. But but what this sounds like. If you're sitting around waiting for your daughter to text you happy easter because that somehow demonstrates appreciation for her childhood and respect for you and you can't possibly text her first (or even conceive of this as an option) that tells me you live in a zero-sum-game world that is bitter and silly.

[Anonymous]

If she doesn’t honor the religious holiday, it may come off as rude. Maybe try happy Passover

[Anonymous]

OP, just text her a cute little baby chick coming out of an egg emoji. She’ll like that.

[Anonymous]

1. You could text or call her. Phone works both ways.
2. Maybe she doesn’t celebrate/care about Easter. Not everyone does.
3. If you did all that for her as a child because you wanted payback from an adult than you did it for the wrong reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Spoken like a true American. Your family clearly has been here many, many decades for you to be so disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that your child would offer you a text on a holiday. If
Ts not like she asked for dinner or a card. Give me a break.

You seem like a very entitled clown. What country are you from?

Well, I am American, but agree with the PP.

Some of these responses seem kind, suggesting how OP might make the best of her situation.

A different question is whether adult family members who are thoughtful reciprocate when someone they love wishes them a happy holiday. Where is the pathology (“neediness”) in that expectation? Seems like simple manners? Kindness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it's a bit petulant and immature when grown adult parents expect their children to look after their emotions. You should have the emotional maturity to not project so much meaning on an Easter text message... or to be the one to shoot the first text if it matters so much to you.

She can probably feel the weight of her mom pinning so much resentment and attention on her and it makes her unconsciously want to pull away, because she knows it's not healthy and is dysfunctional.

Why is it unreasonable to expect a relationship between two adults to be reciprocal?

Because you were in the driver's seat when she was young and drove it to this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Spoken like a true American. Your family clearly has been here many, many decades for you to be so disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that your child would offer you a text on a holiday. If
Ts not like she asked for dinner or a card. Give me a break.

Whatever, I called my mom to say Happy Easter this morning. But it’s petty for OP to sit around waiting for a text. If she wants to communicate with her daughter, she should text or call her herself.

What motivated you to make that call?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Spoken like a true American. Your family clearly has been here many, many decades for you to be so disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that your child would offer you a text on a holiday. If
Ts not like she asked for dinner or a card. Give me a break.

This forum is in America sonifnyou expect a different set of cultural norms, find a forum in the country that shares your values. Problem solved. You're welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Spoken like a true American. Your family clearly has been here many, many decades for you to be so disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that your child would offer you a text on a holiday. If
Ts not like she asked for dinner or a card. Give me a break.

Whatever, I called my mom to say Happy Easter this morning. But it’s petty for OP to sit around waiting for a text. If she wants to communicate with her daughter, she should text or call her herself.

What motivated you to make that call?

I haven’t called in a few weeks, calls usually happen on Sundays, and my mom almost never calls me herself. My mom is a lot like OP. Won’t reach out herself, but gets upset if others don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Spoken like a true American. Your family clearly has been here many, many decades for you to be so disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that your child would offer you a text on a holiday. If
Ts not like she asked for dinner or a card. Give me a break.

Whatever, I called my mom to say Happy Easter this morning. But it’s petty for OP to sit around waiting for a text. If she wants to communicate with her daughter, she should text or call her herself.

Hi Sweeite. Thinking of you on Easter . Do you have time for a call later in the day? I will be home anytime after 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Spoken like a true American. Your family clearly has been here many, many decades for you to be so disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that your child would offer you a text on a holiday. If
Ts not like she asked for dinner or a card. Give me a break.

Whatever, I called my mom to say Happy Easter this morning. But it’s petty for OP to sit around waiting for a text. If she wants to communicate with her daughter, she should text or call her herself.

What motivated you to make that call?

I haven’t called in a few weeks, calls usually happen on Sundays, and my mom almost never calls me herself. My mom is a lot like OP. Won’t reach out herself, but gets upset if others don’t.

OP said she sent a card. She is not your mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP.

I am in that stage now so I understand. What helps me is that I recognize that it is not about me ( if that makes sense.) They are not saying “ I don’t want to wish my mom a happy birthday, happy Easter” it’s more that they are living their life and whatever holiday/ event is just not that important to them/ on their radar as it is to us.

I am not perfect and can also feel like you at times. And, I have a few friends who are very lucky/ fortunate/ whatever that they have proximity and grown children who have interest in an almost daily relationship. I dont have that but I do have two ds who call me when they want to talk, have something important to share, want advice, etc. so I take that. I know I was a good mom, love them unconditionally, and they know that.

I Have a dear, dear friend who has two children who can’t launch and so I remind myself that if they are off living their lives ( and I am an afterthought, for now) I’ll take it.

They have never turned me down if I am in their town for lunch or dinner, nor for thanksgiving or Christmas so there is that. However, like you, I so miss those wonderful holidays and special moments we made for them.

My hunch is she will understand/ want a closer relationship as she matures. Sending you an Easter hug!

You sound kind and wise.

I think the fact that you share OP’s stage of life gives you special insight.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, op. A big Happy Easter to you from a DCUM friend. Hope you do something fun today. Go for a walk. Listen to some music. Enjoy the spring air. Eat a hard boiled egg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Spoken like a true American. Your family clearly has been here many, many decades for you to be so disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that your child would offer you a text on a holiday. If
Ts not like she asked for dinner or a card. Give me a break.

You seem like a very entitled clown. What country are you from?

Well, I am American, but agree with the PP.

Some of these responses seem kind, suggesting how OP might make the best of her situation.

A different question is whether adult family members who are thoughtful reciprocate when someone they love wishes them a happy holiday. Where is the pathology (“neediness”) in that expectation? Seems like simple manners? Kindness?

So it's not just an American thing then.

The pathology is when some parent with full ability to text and reach out and who is in the position of authority (as the mom) whines and complains about their child not reaching out to them, instead of just maturely sending a text. When they expect to be catered to and doted on instead of taking the mature position and initiating contact if that's what they desire, but silently resenting and stewing over it. Truly pathetic behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Spoken like a true American. Your family clearly has been here many, many decades for you to be so disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that your child would offer you a text on a holiday. If
Ts not like she asked for dinner or a card. Give me a break.

Whatever, I called my mom to say Happy Easter this morning. But it’s petty for OP to sit around waiting for a text. If she wants to communicate with her daughter, she should text or call her herself.

What motivated you to make that call?

I haven’t called in a few weeks, calls usually happen on Sundays, and my mom almost never calls me herself. My mom is a lot like OP. Won’t reach out herself, but gets upset if others don’t.

I think it's the narcissism... a lot of boomers seem to have missed the memo that they are the parent, and continuously put their children on higher standards than they themselves adhere to. So they see nothing wrong with petulantly sitting in silence all day, and then resenting their child for doing the same. It's why so many are going no contact with them