Happy Easter?

[Anonymous]

Why didn’t you call her?

Sending cards is so weird. What do you expect from that? It’s expensive and they just get thrown away. I don’t see the point and definitely don’t think “oh, I have to call that person.”

[Anonymous]

Op, I am a single mom with full custody of an only and I think you sound like a real f ing loser. Our children do not ask to be single parented. It’s not their fault you didn’t have anyone to help. And you child is a 20 something! I have a close relationship with my mom and no way was I remembering Easter without a reminder…which my mom always extended so I always had brunch with her.

Dont look to your adult child for your emotional fulfillment.

[Anonymous]

20 something’s are pretty ignorant about their selfish behavior. Mine recently got mad at me because I didn’t have time to take their expired car in to be inspected while they were on a snowboarding vacation paid for by me. There are plenty of times they are not this stupid but these situations happen frequently right now. Ignore what you can but it’s also ok to remind them that your relationship needs to start becoming reciprocal and not just one way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your child owes you absolutely nothing, OP. You owe yourself and your daughter therapy so you stop placing your emotional baggage on her. Find your own partner and friends. I truly cannot believe you are blaming your loneliness on her.

You get the relationship you create with your children. It is EXCEEDINGLY RARE for a child to stop contact without a valid reason.

My mother is like you. She doesn't speak to us or care at all unless it's a holiday. And then we're supposed to bend over backwards for her and her expectations. She has NEVER spent time with her grandchildren. EVER. Yet we're supposed to do what she says for a performance? Some pictures?? Absolutely not.

You need to ask yourself why you're alone. Leave your daughter out of it.

Poor OO—this thread has morphed into a vehicle for adult children either unresolved trauma (totally unrelated to her post) to vent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just call her to say Happy Easter? The I mailed a card, but I expect a phone call rubs me the wrong way. I boomer expectation that they don't call their kids, but wait pissed off for the phone calls.

Yes, this is the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child owes you absolutely nothing, OP. You owe yourself and your daughter therapy so you stop placing your emotional baggage on her. Find your own partner and friends. I truly cannot believe you are blaming your loneliness on her.

You get the relationship you create with your children. It is EXCEEDINGLY RARE for a child to stop contact without a valid reason.

My mother is like you. She doesn't speak to us or care at all unless it's a holiday. And then we're supposed to bend over backwards for her and her expectations. She has NEVER spent time with her grandchildren. EVER. Yet we're supposed to do what she says for a performance? Some pictures?? Absolutely not.

You need to ask yourself why you're alone. Leave your daughter out of it.

Poor OO—this thread has morphed into a vehicle for adult children either unresolved trauma (totally unrelated to her post) to vent!

It's not unrelated at all. I can easily see that OP will turn into a person like my mother if she doesn't get help and take some accountability.
I don't subscribe to the notion that familial relations equates accepting and/or welcoming horrible human behavior. Why do we tolerate something that we would shun from anyone else? It makes no sense. Your mother, your husband, etc should be the SAFEST relationships, not this nonsense. You clearly haven't experienced a mother or close family member like this. And if you have and accept it, that's on you.

[Anonymous]

I’ve noticed something in situations like this (and in dealing with the ever-changing moods and usually-unspoken needs of my own mom).

Many parents of adult children shared nothing whatsoever about their feelings and inner worlds with their small children while raising them - this is not necessarily bad, as people differ on this and many adults want to seem strong, solid etc while raising kids.

But then, when the relationship changes with adult children, the parents lack any templates for reciprocally expressing feelings in an adult way. It would be totally healthy and normal to say “It hurts my feelings sometimes when you don’t acknowledge holidays that are important to me since I am on my own - in the future can we have a call or text that day?” Or “I really appreciated that you came over to visit on Easter and it made me happy, thanks” etc. OR even just initiating the Easter text yourself, inviting the adult over and folding them into a new holiday routine, etc.

Your adult children cannot guess your feelings if you don’t find a calm, adult way to directly express them. It is part of an ongoing process of navigating the new adult relationship. And I do think it’s totally ok to be vulnerable and express when your feelings have been hurt, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20 something’s are pretty ignorant about their selfish behavior. Mine recently got mad at me because I didn’t have time to take their expired car in to be inspected while they were on a snowboarding vacation paid for by me. There are plenty of times they are not this stupid but these situations happen frequently right now. Ignore what you can but it’s also ok to remind them that your relationship needs to start becoming reciprocal and not just one way.

lol! This made me laugh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just call her to say Happy Easter? The I mailed a card, but I expect a phone call rubs me the wrong way. I boomer expectation that they don't call their kids, but wait pissed off for the phone calls.

Yes, this is the question.

For the record, it is likely that OP is not a boomer but Gen X if they have a child in early 20s. Shows that stereotyping any generation is not
valid.