Happy Easter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, without any proper education and guidance, parents just wing it. Obviously, their own upbringing, nature, mental health, circumstances, marriage, finances etc play a part as well. Every parent makes mistakes, some more others less. Some adult children repeat mistakes they resented while some learn and do better with their children.

Definitely. But then maybe be honest with yourself about the mistakes you made rather than knowing you messed up and pressuring your kids to squash down their own traumas/reactions to your poor parenting and tolerate you regardless. It is so incredibly childish, entitled and damaging to demand your children text you and turn it into some kind of standoff test of their character. Maybe prioritize your child's mental health and well being for once in your life?

[Anonymous]

Did you physically abuse your children, like mine did? And yes, spanking = abuse, especially with a belt or a shoe.

I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that no accountability or acknowledgment from my parents for beating me with a belt, washing my mouth out with soap, and driving off without me several times to make me walk home 3-5 miles equals I owe you NOTHING and want ZERO to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't expect a big thing (or even a small thing) because it's Easter. BUT work on a better relationship. A relationship between peers. A realtionship that's not needy or bitter. One that doesn't use emotional manipulation and guilt.

Parents post feelings in this site they do not e press to their children.

Maybe they are seeking support, but most anonymous posters seem to revel in judgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, without any proper education and guidance, parents just wing it. Obviously, their own upbringing, nature, mental health, circumstances, marriage, finances etc play a part as well. Every parent makes mistakes, some more others less. Some adult children repeat mistakes they resented while some learn and do better with their children.

Definitely. But then maybe be honest with yourself about the mistakes you made rather than knowing you messed up and pressuring your kids to squash down their own traumas/reactions to your poor parenting and tolerate you regardless. It is so incredibly childish, entitled and damaging to demand your children text you and turn it into some kind of standoff test of their character. Maybe prioritize your child's mental health and well being for once in your life?

Demand?

Do you always opt for hyperbole?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you physically abuse your children, like mine did? And yes, spanking = abuse, especially with a belt or a shoe.

I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that no accountability or acknowledgment from my parents for beating me with a belt, washing my mouth out with soap, and driving off without me several times to make me walk home 3-5 miles equals I owe you NOTHING and want ZERO to do with you.

Some of you posters have real issues (that OP triggered despite venturing nowhere near the trauma you endured). I hope that you find peace one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of dysfunctional people who cannot maintain or have relationships have children with the expectation that the child will now be tied to them for life, beholden to them for providing basic food, water, shelter, etc, and forced to tolerate their issues in a way no one else will.

So, for someone like OP, who is admittedly all alone on Easter and has no close relationships to provide her with fulfillment, she is outraged that the daughter she feels owes her attention and love by sheer virtue of the fact that she was a parent, is not playing into the bargain. It's not so much love but a sense of ownership and obligation.

They are not willing to do the work to unpack their own tendencies and what makes them so unable to maintain relationships in general. So they just blame their kids and try to make them out to be cruel, selfish, etc, rather than admitting that people in general are exhausted and frustrated with their selfish behavior.

It is dysfunctional to believe that children (barring abuse) maintain lifelong ties with their parents?

What the hell is wrong with your generation?.

Many parents were abusive but, don't see it that way. They believe that is how they were raised and we should just know they 'tried' their best. If the child says it was abusive and the parent does not see it as a abusive would you still take the parent's side?

[Anonymous]

We make all the calls - to our parents and to our kids. I often wonder if any would call us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Spoken like a true American. Your family clearly has been here many, many decades for you to be so disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that your child would offer you a text on a holiday. If
Ts not like she asked for dinner or a card. Give me a break.

You seem like a very entitled clown. What country are you from?

I’m from America, and so were my parents. And your post with the use of clown and “entitled” tells me everything I need to know about you. I was raised with good values, class and respect. You sound poor and trashy. Those types of people always have dysfunctional family drama in their trailer parks.

[Anonymous]

Is she less religious than you are? If so, she may not focus on Easter in the same way you do.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she declined “more traditional gestures “ which I’m guessing you asked her for an Easter meal or to get together.

You sent a card.

She may have to work today. Much of Americas are secular so she may not want to get together if you all do not share a history of religious services.

She may have a date or other plans today. Friends may have invited her to religious services.

Next year make plans with friends for an Easter meal.

[Anonymous]

According to posts here, most adult children want to be pretty much left alone and consider concern as smothering but if parents back off then they are scolded for ignoring and abandoning. Apparently, its a very thin line.

[Anonymous]

I would be upset, but I tell my kids to call their grandparents on a regular basis (HS and college ages). They call them once a week, on average. My parents and ILs have been exceptional through the years. Hopefully, this will model the same behavior when they get older.

[Anonymous]

Easter is a weird one. I don’t see many 20 something celebrating it and wishing people happy Easter unless they’re over religious.

[Anonymous]

OP you acting like you’re the one who is risen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you physically abuse your children, like mine did? And yes, spanking = abuse, especially with a belt or a shoe.

I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that no accountability or acknowledgment from my parents for beating me with a belt, washing my mouth out with soap, and driving off without me several times to make me walk home 3-5 miles equals I owe you NOTHING and want ZERO to do with you.

I doubt anyone here is defending abusive or negligent parents. This discussion is about average vanilla parents.