Happy Easter?

[Anonymous]

Parent-Adult child relationships are complex as once they don't need anything from you, many tend to feel like they don't have to be reciprocal or even thoughtful and courteous.

That being said, OP doesn't need to take it personally. Sometimes it feels like this is our society's way to treat parents. Once you don't have a use for them, blame and shame so you can abandon them in a guilt free manner.

[Anonymous]

Asian societies are other extreme where adult kids are shamed and blamed into obedience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent-Adult child relationships are complex as once they don't need anything from you, many tend to feel like they don't have to be reciprocal or even thoughtful and courteous.

That being said, OP doesn't need to take it personally. Sometimes it feels like this is our society's way to treat parents. Once you don't have a use for them, blame and shame so you can abandon them in a guilt free manner.

Your first paragraph is what shocks me.

I did not care for my child to cash in on rewards later in life, but I did think she would organically learn what it looks like to love another human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent-Adult child relationships are complex as once they don't need anything from you, many tend to feel like they don't have to be reciprocal or even thoughtful and courteous.

That being said, OP doesn't need to take it personally. Sometimes it feels like this is our society's way to treat parents. Once you don't have a use for them, blame and shame so you can abandon them in a guilt free manner.

Your first paragraph is what shocks me.

I did not care for my child to cash in on rewards later in life, but I did think she would organically learn what it looks like to love another human.

Did you do any reflection about what caused her to "fail to learn to love" or to not feel said love towards you? Any self reflection at all, as the one who raised her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent-Adult child relationships are complex as once they don't need anything from you, many tend to feel like they don't have to be reciprocal or even thoughtful and courteous.

That being said, OP doesn't need to take it personally. Sometimes it feels like this is our society's way to treat parents. Once you don't have a use for them, blame and shame so you can abandon them in a guilt free manner.

Your first paragraph is what shocks me.

I did not care for my child to cash in on rewards later in life, but I did think she would organically learn what it looks like to love another human.

This is what's so incredible. The victim complex and the pathologizing of the daughter as some kind of monster who "cannot love another human" because she didn't send an Easter text.

No wonder the daughter doesnt want to text, and OP has no one else. My God, what a truly exhausting, self centered person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a mix of annoying and hurtful that my 20 something daughter can’t even take a minute to send me a text acknowledging Easter (let alone an actual phone call).

She knows I am alone.

When I think of the hours and days I spent making every holiday happy and memorable throughout her childhood, I am so disappointed.

(And before you ask, I mailed her a card last week,after she declined more traditional gestures.)

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. But, ugh, I read the bolded and just feel crushed by the weight of your martyrdom on behalf of your daughter. Note to all parents of young children: do these things if you enjoy them, not in expectation of some sort of payback.

Spoken like a true American. Your family clearly has been here many, many decades for you to be so disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that your child would offer you a text on a holiday. If
Ts not like she asked for dinner or a card. Give me a break.

Whatever, I called my mom to say Happy Easter this morning. But it’s petty for OP to sit around waiting for a text. If she wants to communicate with her daughter, she should text or call her herself.

What motivated you to make that call?

I haven’t called in a few weeks, calls usually happen on Sundays, and my mom almost never calls me herself. My mom is a lot like OP. Won’t reach out herself, but gets upset if others don’t.

OP said she sent a card. She is not your mother.

I think cards actually feel more impersonal to younger generations. While they take a lot more effort and planning, the sentiment is sort of passive and canned, and I’m not sure it’s entirely understood what the reciprocal move should be. (My mom sends a lot of cards, too.) To a 20-something, a simple text or short phone call would probably feel more like mom actually wants to interact and is not just checking a box.

[Anonymous]

A lot of dysfunctional people who cannot maintain or have relationships have children with the expectation that the child will now be tied to them for life, beholden to them for providing basic food, water, shelter, etc, and forced to tolerate their issues in a way no one else will.

So, for someone like OP, who is admittedly all alone on Easter and has no close relationships to provide her with fulfillment, she is outraged that the daughter she feels owes her attention and love by sheer virtue of the fact that she was a parent, is not playing into the bargain. It's not so much love but a sense of ownership and obligation.

They are not willing to do the work to unpack their own tendencies and what makes them so unable to maintain relationships in general. So they just blame their kids and try to make them out to be cruel, selfish, etc, rather than admitting that people in general are exhausted and frustrated with their selfish behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of dysfunctional people who cannot maintain or have relationships have children with the expectation that the child will now be tied to them for life, beholden to them for providing basic food, water, shelter, etc, and forced to tolerate their issues in a way no one else will.

So, for someone like OP, who is admittedly all alone on Easter and has no close relationships to provide her with fulfillment, she is outraged that the daughter she feels owes her attention and love by sheer virtue of the fact that she was a parent, is not playing into the bargain. It's not so much love but a sense of ownership and obligation.

They are not willing to do the work to unpack their own tendencies and what makes them so unable to maintain relationships in general. So they just blame their kids and try to make them out to be cruel, selfish, etc, rather than admitting that people in general are exhausted and frustrated with their selfish behavior.

It is dysfunctional to believe that children (barring abuse) maintain lifelong ties with their parents?

What the hell is wrong with your generation?.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent-Adult child relationships are complex as once they don't need anything from you, many tend to feel like they don't have to be reciprocal or even thoughtful and courteous.

That being said, OP doesn't need to take it personally. Sometimes it feels like this is our society's way to treat parents. Once you don't have a use for them, blame and shame so you can abandon them in a guilt free manner.

Your first paragraph is what shocks me.

I did not care for my child to cash in on rewards later in life, but I did think she would organically learn what it looks like to love another human.

Did you do any reflection about what caused her to "fail to learn to love" or to not feel said love towards you? Any self reflection at all, as the one who raised her?

It could well be related to what she experienced before she was adopted, but you are so quick to jump on the narcissistic parent bandwagon that you have no interest in unpacking the complexity of individual’s lived experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of dysfunctional people who cannot maintain or have relationships have children with the expectation that the child will now be tied to them for life, beholden to them for providing basic food, water, shelter, etc, and forced to tolerate their issues in a way no one else will.

So, for someone like OP, who is admittedly all alone on Easter and has no close relationships to provide her with fulfillment, she is outraged that the daughter she feels owes her attention and love by sheer virtue of the fact that she was a parent, is not playing into the bargain. It's not so much love but a sense of ownership and obligation.

They are not willing to do the work to unpack their own tendencies and what makes them so unable to maintain relationships in general. So they just blame their kids and try to make them out to be cruel, selfish, etc, rather than admitting that people in general are exhausted and frustrated with their selfish behavior.

It is dysfunctional to believe that children (barring abuse) maintain lifelong ties with their parents?

What the hell is wrong with your generation?.

You just created two questions unilaterally based on your preferences and pretenses, and the way your formed them reveals their preformed (by you) answers. You just had a full, entire.conversation with yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't expect a big thing (or even a small thing) because it's Easter. BUT work on a better relationship. A relationship between peers. A realtionship that's not needy or bitter. One that doesn't use emotional manipulation and guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of dysfunctional people who cannot maintain or have relationships have children with the expectation that the child will now be tied to them for life, beholden to them for providing basic food, water, shelter, etc, and forced to tolerate their issues in a way no one else will.

So, for someone like OP, who is admittedly all alone on Easter and has no close relationships to provide her with fulfillment, she is outraged that the daughter she feels owes her attention and love by sheer virtue of the fact that she was a parent, is not playing into the bargain. It's not so much love but a sense of ownership and obligation.

They are not willing to do the work to unpack their own tendencies and what makes them so unable to maintain relationships in general. So they just blame their kids and try to make them out to be cruel, selfish, etc, rather than admitting that people in general are exhausted and frustrated with their selfish behavior.

It is dysfunctional to believe that children (barring abuse) maintain lifelong ties with their parents?

What the hell is wrong with your generation?.

When the parent is dysfunctional, self serving, entitled and lacking in self reflection? Why would ANYONE want to maintain a tie with that kind of person?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent-Adult child relationships are complex as once they don't need anything from you, many tend to feel like they don't have to be reciprocal or even thoughtful and courteous.

That being said, OP doesn't need to take it personally. Sometimes it feels like this is our society's way to treat parents. Once you don't have a use for them, blame and shame so you can abandon them in a guilt free manner.

Your first paragraph is what shocks me.

I did not care for my child to cash in on rewards later in life, but I did think she would organically learn what it looks like to love another human.

Did you do any reflection about what caused her to "fail to learn to love" or to not feel said love towards you? Any self reflection at all, as the one who raised her?

It could well be related to what she experienced before she was adopted, but you are so quick to jump on the narcissistic parent bandwagon that you have no interest in unpacking the complexity of individual’s lived experiences.

Except OP has never once stated the daughter was adopted, so she needs to take full responsibility for her relationship (or lack thereof) with her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of dysfunctional people who cannot maintain or have relationships have children with the expectation that the child will now be tied to them for life, beholden to them for providing basic food, water, shelter, etc, and forced to tolerate their issues in a way no one else will.

So, for someone like OP, who is admittedly all alone on Easter and has no close relationships to provide her with fulfillment, she is outraged that the daughter she feels owes her attention and love by sheer virtue of the fact that she was a parent, is not playing into the bargain. It's not so much love but a sense of ownership and obligation.

They are not willing to do the work to unpack their own tendencies and what makes them so unable to maintain relationships in general. So they just blame their kids and try to make them out to be cruel, selfish, etc, rather than admitting that people in general are exhausted and frustrated with their selfish behavior.

It is dysfunctional to believe that children (barring abuse) maintain lifelong ties with their parents?

What the hell is wrong with your generation?.

It's so telling that this person, probably a boomer whose children similarly avoid her, ignored all the salient, detailed points, and just dismissed them on the basis of "it's my kid so they owe me!" Their entitlement is so repulsive and they never get it- it's why their kids have to just shut them out entirely. They take ZERO accountability.

[Anonymous]

Well, without any proper education and guidance, parents just wing it. Obviously, their own upbringing, nature, mental health, circumstances, marriage, finances etc play a part as well. Every parent makes mistakes, some more others less. Some adult children repeat mistakes they resented while some learn and do better with their children.