Marrying a man who works too much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is his career actually impressive, or does he just need to work a lot of hours because he isn't efficient about getting it done during the day?

I would not have kids with a man who needs a lot of work time and views it as non-negotiable. That's just not how parenting is.

He is vice president of sales at a healthcare company. Big money and long hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he choose work over you? I know someone who makes horrible financial decisions and then claims how he has to work to pay it all off.
Any day off from work, they run errands and who knows what just to look busy. They go out of their way to not be at home or with family.
Should have stayed single and play a busy bee alone.

We are both fairly frugal. No spending issues for us. He makes time for me but I do understand that work needs to be done and he isn’t available until X time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your vision of married life together? Will you have kids? Who will care for them? Who will be there when they are sick? Who will clean the house? Who will cook the daily meals? If it is too hard to do all the things, how will you adjust. Whose job will take precedence?

You don't have to answer any of these questions for DCUM. But you should talk about it with your BF.

My ideal vision is to have 2-4 kids ( most likely just 2) and work PT. Be present in raising my kids but hopefully afford to outsource cleaning and other household responsibilities except for cooking.

I want a husband who works hard but also has the time to be present in his children’s lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your vision of married life together? Will you have kids? Who will care for them? Who will be there when they are sick? Who will clean the house? Who will cook the daily meals? If it is too hard to do all the things, how will you adjust. Whose job will take precedence?

You don't have to answer any of these questions for DCUM. But you should talk about it with your BF.

My ideal vision is to have 2-4 kids ( most likely just 2) and work PT. Be present in raising my kids but hopefully afford to outsource cleaning and other household responsibilities except for cooking.

I want a husband who works hard but also has the time to be present in his children’s lives.

Sounds like he's not that guy.

This sounds super boring and lonely to me, but whatever.

You can't outsource everything. And it's work to manage outsourcing. If you want a nanny or household manager to be your partner in life, go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your vision of married life together? Will you have kids? Who will care for them? Who will be there when they are sick? Who will clean the house? Who will cook the daily meals? If it is too hard to do all the things, how will you adjust. Whose job will take precedence?

You don't have to answer any of these questions for DCUM. But you should talk about it with your BF.

My ideal vision is to have 2-4 kids ( most likely just 2) and work PT. Be present in raising my kids but hopefully afford to outsource cleaning and other household responsibilities except for cooking.

I want a husband who works hard but also has the time to be present in his children’s lives.

Sounds like he's not that guy.

This sounds super boring and lonely to me, but whatever.

You can't outsource everything. And it's work to manage outsourcing. If you want a nanny or household manager to be your partner in life, go for it.

I love him though. I can’t really imagine breaking up with him or not spending my life with him. I just have all these older women advising me what not to do because they are stuck in situations with high performing partners who work ridiculous amount of hours and rarely see their family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your vision of married life together? Will you have kids? Who will care for them? Who will be there when they are sick? Who will clean the house? Who will cook the daily meals? If it is too hard to do all the things, how will you adjust. Whose job will take precedence?

You don't have to answer any of these questions for DCUM. But you should talk about it with your BF.

My ideal vision is to have 2-4 kids ( most likely just 2) and work PT. Be present in raising my kids but hopefully afford to outsource cleaning and other household responsibilities except for cooking.

I want a husband who works hard but also has the time to be present in his children’s lives.

Sounds like he's not that guy.

This sounds super boring and lonely to me, but whatever.

You can't outsource everything. And it's work to manage outsourcing. If you want a nanny or household manager to be your partner in life, go for it.

I love him though. I can’t really imagine breaking up with him or not spending my life with him. I just have all these older women advising me what not to do because they are stuck in situations with high performing partners who work ridiculous amount of hours and rarely see their family.

Sometimes we love someone who isn't the right person for us long term. For the sake of your kids, choose their father with great care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you find someone more wealthy/who doesn’t need to work as much? If he’s working as much as you say, it’s giving striver vibes and would give me the ick.

This is one of the stupidest comments on DCUM. The wealthiest people on the planet worked 100 hour weeks in order to create the wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been with boyfriend for the past two years. I’m very much in love with him but keep getting “ warned” that I’m making a mistake choosing a man who works too much. I work a lot but definitely have a better work/life balance. He makes time for life but he does work way more hours than I do. I know this may make future life challenging at times, but I love him and want to marry him. Am I being foolish? Should practicality come into play before love?

Depends on how much he makes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been with boyfriend for the past two years. I’m very much in love with him but keep getting “ warned” that I’m making a mistake choosing a man who works too much. I work a lot but definitely have a better work/life balance. He makes time for life but he does work way more hours than I do. I know this may make future life challenging at times, but I love him and want to marry him. Am I being foolish? Should practicality come into play before love?

Depends on how much he makes!

He earns just under $400k/yr. I’m not with him for money though. I also make good money - $150k/yr as a sonographer.

[Anonymous]

Depends on your personality. My husband works a lot and I like it. I love to have my space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you find someone more wealthy/who doesn’t need to work as much? If he’s working as much as you say, it’s giving striver vibes and would give me the ick.

This is one of the stupidest comments on DCUM. The wealthiest people on the planet worked 100 hour weeks in order to create the wealth.

Exactly. Not many Prince Harrys in the world and who would want one?

OP, you say you love him. If he's a good person who shares your values and you are attracted to him, then I'd marry him. He may lose his job someday. Is he resilient? Are you? Marriage isn't easy no matter what you start with. There are no guarantees and people and situations change. Look at his character and decide that way. I'd also rather be with someone who works hard than one who doesn't. I think to enjoy it you have to be independent and able to enjoy time alone or with kids. It won't be easy but nothing is.

[Anonymous]

OP, how many hours a week?

And how much money does he make?

60 hours a week making not very much working on the Hill = dealbreaker

60 hours a week making 350,000 or more = more acceptable

More than 60 hours a week and you want kids - he needs to be making at least 600k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how many hours a week?

And how much money does he make?

60 hours a week making not very much working on the Hill = dealbreaker

60 hours a week making 350,000 or more = more acceptable

More than 60 hours a week and you want kids - he needs to be making at least 600k.

I work 40-50 hours depending on if I work OT. I make $150-180k/yr, depending on if I work OT.

He works 60-70 hours making around $400k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how many hours a week?

And how much money does he make?

60 hours a week making not very much working on the Hill = dealbreaker

60 hours a week making 350,000 or more = more acceptable

More than 60 hours a week and you want kids - he needs to be making at least 600k.

Most people don’t make anywhere close to $600k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you're asking, you know the answer.

Sometimes people work a lot because they're avoiding their life outside of work. Uncomfortable with intimacy, don't actually want a wife and child, low social skills, don't know how to make friends, whatever. Eyes wide open.

This