How to get single-minded tween to branch out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my concern is just what the immediate PP suggested - he's so young, and close family (including my dinosaur-enabling mother) kept saying, "He'll change his mind! This is just a phase!" So DH and I treated it like a phase, but now I'm not so sure.

There must be more going on. What about the passion worries you? You don’t have to share what it is. But something else must be bothering you. Example: He is into drag queens and drag queen culture. So you’re worried he will face discrimination and homophobia for his interest. Just spit out what you’re really worried about.

I really do just feel silly spending so much time and money on something he won't be into in five years. Like, I don't want to be one of those mothers shoving a violin at their two-year-old. It seems overbearing, and that's not how I am.

Ok, I'll be blunt. I've never verbalized it before. The problem is that it IS something I would be proud of him for accomplishing, and I think focusing so much on it might leave me disappointed when it invariably doesn't pan out.

Now I'm picturing it's something like he wants to be a Broadway star or something even more absurdly impossible like an NBA star although I think if it was so generic like the latter you'd just share what it is.

You let him have his dreams and support him and separate yourself from it. Kids realize on their own at some point they are not really going to make it on Broadway or be LeBron. Our role is not to point that out to them. Our role is to support their efforts and see where it takes them.

[Anonymous]

Look you don't have to worry.

Let your kid enjoy himself and keep your worries to yourself.

I have a similar kid, now 15.

He spoke of paleontology endlessly. But as he got into high school and was exposed to other scientific subjects through science olympiad and summer camps, he realized he was interested in other things. He also learned how tough it was to go into paleontology. They talk a lot about picking careers in their high school.

He himself told me this last summer that maybe he would be okay going into engineering.

Don't stop your kid. Who knows? Maybe he'll be one of the ones to make it. Meanwhile he's keeping his mind active. Encouraging exploring other interests too.

[Anonymous]

Yes lean into it! Someone has to be a paleontologist and why shouldn't it be him?

He's going to learn a lot of fundamental science concepts that are applicable to other topics. Let him enjoy!

[Anonymous]

I’m picturing something like “majoring in dance at Julliard.” Yes, it’s “unlikely,” but with the right training it’s at least possible. If he doesn’t get into the dream college, the major assuredly exists elsewhere. And if it is an arts career and you’re worried about post-college employment, there are options out there for anyone who’s willing to be really flexible about where they’re living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look you don't have to worry.

Let your kid enjoy himself and keep your worries to yourself.

I have a similar kid, now 15.

He spoke of paleontology endlessly. But as he got into high school and was exposed to other scientific subjects through science olympiad and summer camps, he realized he was interested in other things. He also learned how tough it was to go into paleontology. They talk a lot about picking careers in their high school.

He himself told me this last summer that maybe he would be okay going into engineering.

Don't stop your kid. Who knows? Maybe he'll be one of the ones to make it. Meanwhile he's keeping his mind active. Encouraging exploring other interests too.

Ah, now I see that he may be into some other niche interest. That's okay. The advice still stands. Just make sure he's exposed to other things too in case he wants to pivot later.

[Anonymous]

I'm with everyone else. He's 12. He could change his mind tomorrow. Or in two years. Or in five years.

Don't worry about the money you're spending (unless of course it's affecting your family's budget). I spent a small fortune on my kids' sports passion, which didn't lead to anything college-wise, but I'd do it all again because they enjoyed it, it gave them a focus, and had other benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my concern is just what the immediate PP suggested - he's so young, and close family (including my dinosaur-enabling mother) kept saying, "He'll change his mind! This is just a phase!" So DH and I treated it like a phase, but now I'm not so sure.

Treating it like a phase would mean you don't move to Colorado. It doesn't mean you communicate to your kid that it's a bad thing to be interested in something.

[Anonymous]

If he hasn't talked to you about this for 2 years, and he's "single-minded" about it, does that mean he hasn't talked to you for 2 years? Because if he was talking about other things during those two years, it wouldn't be single-minded.

[Anonymous]

Desperate to know what it really is. Especially now that I know there is a panda endocrinologist out there in the world.

Is he obsessed with:

-the Titanic?
-tornados?
-earthquakes?
-space?
-tortoises?
-the American civil war?
-railroads?

These are all obsessions of adults I know who have had them since childhood and leveraged into fascinating lives.

Help! Throw us a (*not dinosaur) bone, please, OP.

[Anonymous]

My kid has wanted to be an engineer since he knew what one was. He’s determined to go to MIT. His father and I know it’s a long shot but I try not to be negative about it. We recognize his hard work in school and remind him he can always change his mind.

[Anonymous]

Since you are unsupportive that he won't even talk to you, at least he won't ever have a bone to pick with you.

[Anonymous]

He should go for it. Someone needs to be a paleontologist. (Signed, mom of future oboist for the Berlin philharmonic)

[Anonymous]

I am disturbed you are giving him so little support for such a benign passion. What is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Space camp?

[Anonymous]

Who knows if it’s a phase. The point is it’s who he is right now. Let him enjoy it.