How to get single-minded tween to branch out

[Anonymous]

When DS was 7, he announced to us that he wanted to be a paleontologist*. Had his degrees, colleges, and research interest picked out. Thanks, YouTube. We thought it was cute and humored him for about a year and a half because if nothing else, it made gift giving easy. When he hadn't dropped it by that point we decided his obsession was a little unhealthy and backed off. He quietened down a bit but didn't truly stop talking about it until he was 10.

He's now 12. I hadn't heard a word about dinosaurs* for a long while, then my mom let it slip that DS had asked her to to visit a dinosaur museum* this summer and had asked for dinosaur* stuff for his birthday. I casually mentioned it to him afterward, and he said, "Mom, I'm not talking to you about this!" But when I walked off, he was smiling when he thought I couldn't see.

I'm in shock that he's stuck with this for so long. There are no autism concerns; this is not a special interest. He has friends, is social, and does well in school. He just apparently really wants to major in paleontology* at Virginia Tech* then go out to Colorado and dig for T. rex bones*.

I know there are many years between now and college, but I'm torn. Do I lean into this again? He's so young. Or do I encourage him to keep trying new activities that are unrelated? I want to do what's best for him, and I don't know what that is.


*details changed, because the real story is even weirder and recognizable.

[Anonymous]

I only wish my kid had a passion that they wanted to pursue long term. Just let your kid be - obviously, you've made them feel weird about it in the past. Be glad he has an interest. Most of us are struggling with kids who don't care about anything and don't want to do anything.

[Anonymous]

If you ask this over on the college forum, they will tell you this is the best thing that could have ever happened to him in terms of admission chances: https://www.theivyleaguechallenge.com/admissions-advice-don-t-be-well-rounded-do-this-instead

And he's happy and social. By your reporting, there's no issue other than perhaps the interest is niche and weird. As long as he isn't boring his peers with it, I fail to see the problem.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you need to do anything, or stop doing anything. Let him have that interest, but sure, encourage other interests, too. Who knows what he’ll want to do by the time he gets to college, but if it’s “paleontology,” why not?

[Anonymous]

Why is this an issue? I am confused. Very few kids have a passion that they stick with throughout their childhood. One of my kids has an interest that some might consider odd and it's been amazing for him. Does it make him a bit less mainstream? Sure. Whatever. And PP is right, it's great for college applications.

[Anonymous]

You crushed him so badly he's having to hide what he loves from you? You have the terrible parenting instincts and need to start doing the opposite of whatever you think is right and that starts with not encouraging him to "branch out." He already knows what you think of who he is, don't make it worse.

[Anonymous]

Why is having a passion bad? I had a college friend like this with pandas after getting a stuffed one for her eighth bday. She now speaks fluent mandarin and has a PhD in panda endocrinology from the best school for that outside China. Married and kids too - just living her dream.

Seriously, why would “paleontologist” be a bad outcome?

[Anonymous]

As long as his ideal career doesn't make him seem super weird (bikini photographer?) or potentially violent (gun manufacturer, taxidermist?) and he has good social skills, go with it AND introduce him to other stuff...not in hopes that he picks a different job but because it's good to have a range of knowledge and interests. So yes to the dino museum, and yes to mini golf, and the Kennedy center, and the trampoline park, and nats stadium. And yes to a paleontology dig, but also to swimming lessons or church or whatever is important in your family.

When I was his age I was sure I would be a pediatric occupational therapist and my parents found ways for me to explore that interest and never criticized me for wanting to read or learn about it. I have a completely different job now but I don't regret what I learned!

[Anonymous]

I think my concern is just what the immediate PP suggested - he's so young, and close family (including my dinosaur-enabling mother) kept saying, "He'll change his mind! This is just a phase!" So DH and I treated it like a phase, but now I'm not so sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my concern is just what the immediate PP suggested - he's so young, and close family (including my dinosaur-enabling mother) kept saying, "He'll change his mind! This is just a phase!" So DH and I treated it like a phase, but now I'm not so sure.

There must be more going on. What about the passion worries you? You don’t have to share what it is. But something else must be bothering you. Example: He is into drag queens and drag queen culture. So you’re worried he will face discrimination and homophobia for his interest. Just spit out what you’re really worried about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my concern is just what the immediate PP suggested - he's so young, and close family (including my dinosaur-enabling mother) kept saying, "He'll change his mind! This is just a phase!" So DH and I treated it like a phase, but now I'm not so sure.

There must be more going on. What about the passion worries you? You don’t have to share what it is. But something else must be bothering you. Example: He is into drag queens and drag queen culture. So you’re worried he will face discrimination and homophobia for his interest. Just spit out what you’re really worried about.

I really do just feel silly spending so much time and money on something he won't be into in five years. Like, I don't want to be one of those mothers shoving a violin at their two-year-old. It seems overbearing, and that's not how I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my concern is just what the immediate PP suggested - he's so young, and close family (including my dinosaur-enabling mother) kept saying, "He'll change his mind! This is just a phase!" So DH and I treated it like a phase, but now I'm not so sure.

There must be more going on. What about the passion worries you? You don’t have to share what it is. But something else must be bothering you. Example: He is into drag queens and drag queen culture. So you’re worried he will face discrimination and homophobia for his interest. Just spit out what you’re really worried about.

I really do just feel silly spending so much time and money on something he won't be into in five years. Like, I don't want to be one of those mothers shoving a violin at their two-year-old. It seems overbearing, and that's not how I am.

How is it overbearing if the kid likes it and asks for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my concern is just what the immediate PP suggested - he's so young, and close family (including my dinosaur-enabling mother) kept saying, "He'll change his mind! This is just a phase!" So DH and I treated it like a phase, but now I'm not so sure.

There must be more going on. What about the passion worries you? You don’t have to share what it is. But something else must be bothering you. Example: He is into drag queens and drag queen culture. So you’re worried he will face discrimination and homophobia for his interest. Just spit out what you’re really worried about.

I really do just feel silly spending so much time and money on something he won't be into in five years. Like, I don't want to be one of those mothers shoving a violin at their two-year-old. It seems overbearing, and that's not how I am.

Ok, I'll be blunt. I've never verbalized it before. The problem is that it IS something I would be proud of him for accomplishing, and I think focusing so much on it might leave me disappointed when it invariably doesn't pan out.

[Anonymous]

He knows what he wants to do. What is wrong with that? Would you feel differently if he wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer? Let him have his thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my concern is just what the immediate PP suggested - he's so young, and close family (including my dinosaur-enabling mother) kept saying, "He'll change his mind! This is just a phase!" So DH and I treated it like a phase, but now I'm not so sure.

There must be more going on. What about the passion worries you? You don’t have to share what it is. But something else must be bothering you. Example: He is into drag queens and drag queen culture. So you’re worried he will face discrimination and homophobia for his interest. Just spit out what you’re really worried about.

I really do just feel silly spending so much time and money on something he won't be into in five years. Like, I don't want to be one of those mothers shoving a violin at their two-year-old. It seems overbearing, and that's not how I am.

Ok, I'll be blunt. I've never verbalized it before. The problem is that it IS something I would be proud of him for accomplishing, and I think focusing so much on it might leave me disappointed when it invariably doesn't pan out.

This thread has made me sad in a way most DCUM threads don't. Your poor kid.