How to get single-minded tween to branch out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying not to judge. I don’t know why you are even worrying about whether it will become a profession for him or not. As you say, he is 12.

We have always respected our child’s interests. It is what makes them happy and intellectually stimulated. Your kid is lucky he has something he is passionate about. I find it really sad that your kid felt he needed to hide a passion of his from you and that you aren’t modeling learning and dreaming big for him. This is a parental fail and he will remember it.

I don't think I'm not modeling dreaming big? But like everyone has agreed, he is 12. This started at 7. Would you rather I have been pushing him toward the equivalent of Harvard in second grade? I know how those DCUM threads go, so that's rhetorical. We did what we thought was best for him, which was to encourage him to pursue other things. I thought at his age, he would find other things he was interested in.

It’s really not that niche. I went to the Naval Academy, spent a night on a submarine under water once which was super neat (women couldn’t go subs then), and now know a ton of people who have served on subs and even commanded them. There are a few well traveled paths towards commissioning in the Navy as a sub officer or sub supply officer, as well as many opportunities to serve on submarines as an enlisted Sailor. Twelve years old is not too soon to talk with him about what Academics, sports, personal lifestyle choices (drugs/alcohol) would be required to go to the Academy or enlist.

This is funny, because if I'd posted about a 7 year old who wanted to attend the Academy, people would think I had lost my mind. But he did (again, thanks, YouTube). Any suggestions on how to talk to a 12 yo without showing pressure? He's pretty uptight and does well at academics and sports already.

But I appreciate everyone's input! I just wasn't sure how to deal with this, but your responses have been really helpful.

[Anonymous]

Tell me your kid is autistic without telling me your kid is autistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell me your kid is autistic without telling me your kid is autistic.

Man, why do we even need neuropsychs? Just let PP diagnose over the interwebs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell me your kid is autistic without telling me your kid is autistic.

Tell me your kid has a shallow mind without telling me...

And since the parent is prone to trite sayings the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I posted a response earlier. No autism here in late teens. Just the ability to dig deeply into a topic

[Anonymous]

My child was obsessed with the plague, was going to be an epidemiologist, all the things. (All pre-pandemic - this was super niche before then). Competed in science olympiad in this event for years. Discovered an entirely different scientific topic around 14 and that's the new thing. Still absolutely loves everything plague but doesn't want to do it for life!

[Anonymous]

I think you are overthinking this, OP. Of course you should encourage and let him enjoy as long as/especially if he keeps growing in all aspects of his life (intellectually, emotionally, socially, etc). Nothing about having an interest and goals is inherently a bad thing, whatever the outcome.

For what it's worth, my youngest was obsessed with being an astronaut for years. I was thrilled that she had such a broad, fun, fascinating interest. Then overnight she became a theater kid, which, if I am being honest, is a better fit in a million ways AND more similar to my tastes.

I just feel like we are along for the ride, whether it's humbling, rocky, triumphant... I mean, full disclosure, I would LOVE it if my kid were an astronaut or Broadway star but I am not counting on either happening.

[Anonymous]

My husband knew from about that age that he wanted to be a physicist. His dad was a farmer and his mom a secretary, this wasn't something in his usual realm of exposure--I'm sure they were mystified.

But he did indeed study physics as an undergrad, went on to get a Ph.D. in physics from Stanford, and now is CTO of a company where he uses those skills every day to design advanced systems, some of which go to space.

So while it's definitely possible that one obsessive interest can lead to exposure to others that make someone branch out, there are also people who just *know* from a very young age that something, even something relatively obscure or niche, is their thing, and it stays their thing, and they find a way to make it part of their life or career. You don't have any way of knowing which way it will go for your DS, so just support him as he figures it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Desperate to know what it really is. Especially now that I know there is a panda endocrinologist out there in the world.

Is he obsessed with:

-the Titanic?
-tornados?
-earthquakes?
-space?
-tortoises?
-the American civil war?
-railroads?

These are all obsessions of adults I know who have had them since childhood and leveraged into fascinating lives.

Help! Throw us a (*not dinosaur) bone, please, OP.

Ok, it's the panda endocrinologist thing that pushed me over the edge of spilling - he wants to command submarines. I told you it was niche!

Aw. Thanks for replying and spilling!

My child has shown an interest in a different service academy, so we have gently encouraged it while making sure she’s realistic about it. Initially she thought the navy was for her because we are near some key stuff on the west coast, but a few ship tours redirected her energy. Turns out she has crippling claustrophobia if she goes below deck! I had to carry her out of a ship.

We are also watching her vision because if she takes after her father, it will change for the worse in the next 2-3 years.

I was going after a specific career but can’t equalize pressure in my ears so that kept me from completing necessary trainings to progress.

So OP, the only bit of advice I would give is to start now with observing what mental or physical barriers there might be to a military career. It would be devastating to get pretty far through the appointment process only to find out that vision, claustrophobia or something else was going to come between DS and a long-held dream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Desperate to know what it really is. Especially now that I know there is a panda endocrinologist out there in the world.

Is he obsessed with:

-the Titanic?
-tornados?
-earthquakes?
-space?
-tortoises?
-the American civil war?
-railroads?

These are all obsessions of adults I know who have had them since childhood and leveraged into fascinating lives.

Help! Throw us a (*not dinosaur) bone, please, OP.

Ok, it's the panda endocrinologist thing that pushed me over the edge of spilling - he wants to command submarines. I told you it was niche!

Aw. Thanks for replying and spilling!

My child has shown an interest in a different service academy, so we have gently encouraged it while making sure she’s realistic about it. Initially she thought the navy was for her because we are near some key stuff on the west coast, but a few ship tours redirected her energy. Turns out she has crippling claustrophobia if she goes below deck! I had to carry her out of a ship.

We are also watching her vision because if she takes after her father, it will change for the worse in the next 2-3 years.

I was going after a specific career but can’t equalize pressure in my ears so that kept me from completing necessary trainings to progress.

So OP, the only bit of advice I would give is to start now with observing what mental or physical barriers there might be to a military career. It would be devastating to get pretty far through the appointment process only to find out that vision, claustrophobia or something else was going to come between DS and a long-held dream.

I had a parent with a pretty long dream of flying for the Air Force. Got to the service academy and discovered during training on the ground some very unexpected vertigo that had never appeared before. Never did fly. Had a very fulfilling career as an officer anyway and would not change the path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Desperate to know what it really is. Especially now that I know there is a panda endocrinologist out there in the world.

Is he obsessed with:

-the Titanic?
-tornados?
-earthquakes?
-space?
-tortoises?
-the American civil war?
-railroads?

These are all obsessions of adults I know who have had them since childhood and leveraged into fascinating lives.

Help! Throw us a (*not dinosaur) bone, please, OP.

Ok, it's the panda endocrinologist thing that pushed me over the edge of spilling - he wants to command submarines. I told you it was niche!

Aw. Thanks for replying and spilling!

My child has shown an interest in a different service academy, so we have gently encouraged it while making sure she’s realistic about it. Initially she thought the navy was for her because we are near some key stuff on the west coast, but a few ship tours redirected her energy. Turns out she has crippling claustrophobia if she goes below deck! I had to carry her out of a ship.

We are also watching her vision because if she takes after her father, it will change for the worse in the next 2-3 years.

I was going after a specific career but can’t equalize pressure in my ears so that kept me from completing necessary trainings to progress.

So OP, the only bit of advice I would give is to start now with observing what mental or physical barriers there might be to a military career. It would be devastating to get pretty far through the appointment process only to find out that vision, claustrophobia or something else was going to come between DS and a long-held dream.

I am fairly certain we've been to all the museum submarines in the country. He adores them. I basically have to carry him out, but for different reasons.

But thank you for that advice. I also have bad eyes, so we've been watching his vision just in case and making him play outside more than he probably needs to. It feels insane, but at the same time, you're right that it's better to find out about those barriers now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell me your kid is autistic without telling me your kid is autistic.

Unrelated to OP’s post, but this sentence construction “tell me X without telling me X” that has become so popular has got to be one of the most annoying ever used.

People who continue to use this as a retort in 2024 are so unbelievably cringey and lacking in self-awareness, it’s mind boggling.