Woman I was dating ended this because of a picture

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How serious were you two, truly?

Pretty serious….I told her I knew she was the one and introduced to my family as such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you have your arms around the MOH of your SIL? I am thinking of the many male friends I have had and I have never been so familiar with anyone even when I was single if I was not romantically involved with them. It was not a group picture was it?

I hug my male friends. I could look bad if a photo is taken at the wrong moment. That’s why op mentioned it to his gf.

[Anonymous]

You f’d up dude.
Take it as a learning lesson NOT to do that with another woman if you are in a serious relationship

[Anonymous]

1) you’re too old to go to a bar to get toasted, can someone tell by the picture that you are toasted?

2) Did you tell her that you got toasted? Because if you did, many guys when they got toasted do things they regret.

3) she might have a history of getting cheated on. Your behavior does not help calm her nerves. It is easier for her to walk away.

4) Did she know about your relationship with this person?Did you tell her ahead of time where you were going and who would be there. If not, looks like you’re trying to hide something.

[Anonymous]

I can only suppose she has a history of being cheated on, or she's insecure. I know some people are physically affectionate with others (of either sex) and that it just signifies friendship or camaraderie, not sexual or romantic interest.

But lesson learned, OP. Don't put your arm around random women when you're not assured of your date.

[Anonymous]

On the scale of DCUM, I think it’s totally okay for the married man to text the female neighbor to ask what to bring to dinner. But I don’t think it’s okay to stand around a bar with your arms around a woman when you have a girlfriend.

I note both because I find the contradictions around here puzzling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been dating two months but I’ve known her years. Things have gotten fairly serious I would say although we’re officially together (yet). We were exclusive though. She’s met my family, we’ve talked about the future, planned a trip with her for next month, and how I could see being with her long term, etc.

This weekend she was traveling and I went out with my brother and his wife. I got a little toasted and we ran into a bunch of old friends, one being my sister in law’s maid of honor. We’ve all known each other and have been friends for many years, my brother and sister in law included. While out, I was at the bar talking to the maid of honor and had my arm around her. My hand wasn’t touching her butt or anything. My sister in law added the woman I was dating on social media prior to this. Well my sister in law posted us all out and you could see the maid of honor and I at the bar. I saw the post and decided to get ahead of things and told the woman I was seeing about the picture. Well she ended things with me. I told her we were just friends. She said it’s early and it’s better to end things now because she’s looking for someone serious. I told her I was/am serious about her though. She said having my arm around another woman and saying the things I’ve said to her don’t match up because that’s not the behavior of someone serious.

Isn’t this an overreaction? I did nothing with the maid of honor at all and told her how we’re all friends. I really saw a future with her, and told her so.

I do not understand dating today. I sounds from the (typo ridden) above that you’re not “yet” officially together but you told her she’s the one, and you’re exclusive? What the hell? I literally cannot understand how all these things are true.

In any event, she wasn’t that into you and that’s why she dropped you.

It’s theoretically fine and harmless to put your arm around another woman you are only friends with. But…. Practically speaking, it doesn’t happen. Because men would generally like to avoid any misunderstandings. So men generally dont put their arms around other women. So the fact that you did just seems….. off?

The whole thing is gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was it a posed or candid shot?

The way you describe it sounds like it was a candid shot and you were in the background with your arm around another woman. I don’t know what positions you were in but there is an intimacy to being that physically close.

It was candid.

[Anonymous]

A guy I started dating once sent me a similar picture - him with a childhood friend. Not sure what he meant but I just have him thumbs up and never responded to his texts. I thought that was weird and not in sync with his words how much he was into me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can only suppose she has a history of being cheated on, or she's insecure. I know some people are physically affectionate with others (of either sex) and that it just signifies friendship or camaraderie, not sexual or romantic interest.

But lesson learned, OP. Don't put your arm around random women when you're not assured of your date.

If the man you’re dating, who is talking marriage with you, the moment you’re out of town has his arms around another woman, at best something is off. I’m assuming she’s around the same age as OP, 35, so I can’t blame for calling it quits early. That’s not insecure at all IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been dating two months but I’ve known her years. Things have gotten fairly serious I would say although we’re officially together (yet). We were exclusive though. She’s met my family, we’ve talked about the future, planned a trip with her for next month, and how I could see being with her long term, etc.

This weekend she was traveling and I went out with my brother and his wife. I got a little toasted and we ran into a bunch of old friends, one being my sister in law’s maid of honor. We’ve all known each other and have been friends for many years, my brother and sister in law included. While out, I was at the bar talking to the maid of honor and had my arm around her. My hand wasn’t touching her butt or anything. My sister in law added the woman I was dating on social media prior to this. Well my sister in law posted us all out and you could see the maid of honor and I at the bar. I saw the post and decided to get ahead of things and told the woman I was seeing about the picture. Well she ended things with me. I told her we were just friends. She said it’s early and it’s better to end things now because she’s looking for someone serious. I told her I was/am serious about her though. She said having my arm around another woman and saying the things I’ve said to her don’t match up because that’s not the behavior of someone serious.

Isn’t this an overreaction? I did nothing with the maid of honor at all and told her how we’re all friends. I really saw a future with her, and told her so.

It may or may not be but either way, she gone boo. Move on.

[Anonymous]

She’s not that into you.

[Anonymous]

The picture combined with you feeling you had to explain it to her before she saw it would be a red flag. If it was nothing, then nothing needed to be said and when she saw the picture, you would have just said, oh thats Betty, an old friend. And if she said oh you guys look close or why are your arms around you, you would say oh i was giving her a hug as she left etc.

The fact that you felt worried / guilty about the picture and needed to try to prepare her for what she was about to see and shape her view before she could form her own opinion just makes you sound guilty.

I don't know if it was a candid shot that made an innocent picture look like more or if you were actually being too physical with another woman but either way your need to explain it before hand would have been a red flag for me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can only suppose she has a history of being cheated on, or she's insecure. I know some people are physically affectionate with others (of either sex) and that it just signifies friendship or camaraderie, not sexual or romantic interest.

But lesson learned, OP. Don't put your arm around random women when you're not assured of your date.

There’s more to the story. I simplified it for DCUM. So, a woman who is friends with us and my ex, saw me at the bar with the woman. She took the pictures of me and the MOH at the bar, posted it online, and sent the pictures to my ex and said she was going to “expose me”. So, I had to reach out to my ex and explain what what was going on. As I mentioned, I wanted to get ahead of this and told the woman I was seeing. Again, there’s a still a little bit more to it but that’s the gist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you have your arms around the MOH of your SIL? I am thinking of the many male friends I have had and I have never been so familiar with anyone even when I was single if I was not romantically involved with them. It was not a group picture was it?

Yeah same - lots of guy friends and no we were not physical like this. Putting your arm around someone for a posed group pic is obviously different.