DH wants to take a sabbatical

[Anonymous]

It sounds like him getting pushed out is possible regardless of the sabbatical. Maybe the sabbatical can help him think about a pivot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His sabbatical would be to just hang out? That would be a hard no in my house. For either of us.

And why did you mention health insurance? Will he lose his health insurance during this time? Is it possible they will push him out?

I've actually never heard of a non-academic sabbatical other than taking time off for health reasons.

It’s a big thing in some more old-school companies and when I was in publishing people took them pretty consistently. Publishing was a bit different because it was academia-adjacent and most people used the time to teach university courses or write books.

I mentioned health insurance because I don’t understand the structure of his firm’s sabbatical policies and I don’t think he does, either, but he refuses to research the practicalities.

I am absolutely scared sh-tless that they’ll push him out.

He’s two levels below c-suite and it’s up or out the next 3-4 years. I think he’s naive and they’ll push him out.

I'm the PP you're responding to. I hear you. If you go over to Jobs and Careers you will find a bunch of threads on people being pushed out--especially middle aged men if they don't keep moving up. I don't know the answer, but I feel for you, OP. I would feel the same way regardless of what these other PPs are saying.

Thanks. I’m thinking that we need to sit down with an executive coach and maybe some friends from grad school to talk seriously about how to make this work in a way that makes him more appealing to his company, not less. From my POV, if I were his boss and comparing him to the 4-5 others who are at his level, I’d assume he was trying to ease himself out. I don’t think DH can see any of this clearly and I think I need someone who is not me to spell it out.

[Anonymous]

Oh lord her whole concept of his sabbatical is “how does it benefit me and how can I get him to do more work for me?” 🙄🙄🙄

[Anonymous]

I agree with all of the talk regarding him possibly getting pushed out should he go through with the sabbatical.

However, the list of projects in the original post, listed under the guise of what projects she can have him tackle while on his sabbatical seems extremely micro-managed. Let him choose how to use this time, and as long as he's doing something productive, (whether you agree with it or not) let him enjoy his time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with all of the talk regarding him possibly getting pushed out should he go through with the sabbatical.

However, the list of projects in the original post, listed under the guise of what projects she can have him tackle while on his sabbatical seems extremely micro-managed. Let him choose how to use this time, and as long as he's doing something productive, (whether you agree with it or not) let him enjoy his time!

I think the problem is that he doesn’t have a track record of being productive and so she’s trying to decide how to corral his energy (or lack of).

It does seem unfair to have two adults in a house but the one adult with temporarily unlimited free time is the one who’s not going to use it to the benefit of the entire family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His sabbatical would be to just hang out? That would be a hard no in my house. For either of us.

And why did you mention health insurance? Will he lose his health insurance during this time? Is it possible they will push him out?

I've actually never heard of a non-academic sabbatical other than taking time off for health reasons.

It’s a big thing in some more old-school companies and when I was in publishing people took them pretty consistently. Publishing was a bit different because it was academia-adjacent and most people used the time to teach university courses or write books.

I mentioned health insurance because I don’t understand the structure of his firm’s sabbatical policies and I don’t think he does, either, but he refuses to research the practicalities.

I am absolutely scared sh-tless that they’ll push him out.

He’s two levels below c-suite and it’s up or out the next 3-4 years. I think he’s naive and they’ll push him out.

I'm the PP you're responding to. I hear you. If you go over to Jobs and Careers you will find a bunch of threads on people being pushed out--especially middle aged men if they don't keep moving up. I don't know the answer, but I feel for you, OP. I would feel the same way regardless of what these other PPs are saying.

Thanks. I’m thinking that we need to sit down with an executive coach and maybe some friends from grad school to talk seriously about how to make this work in a way that makes him more appealing to his company, not less. From my POV, if I were his boss and comparing him to the 4-5 others who are at his level, I’d assume he was trying to ease himself out. I don’t think DH can see any of this clearly and I think I need someone who is not me to spell it out.

You’re making a lot of assumptions about a job and company that aren’t yours. I get that it’s scary to think he might be sabotaging his career, but the truth is it might not matter to his work, or he’s screwed either way, senses that, and is trying to kick the inevitable down the road a few months further. I feel like you are coming in hot with partial information.

Are you sure he hasn’t actually been let go? Sorry to be paranoid but it crossed my mind.

[Anonymous]

You can’t make him do anything. Can you pay to outsource more? I’m sorry, it’s very frustrating but trying to work with him will be even more so for you.

[Anonymous]

I would cut the time of the sabbatical to maybe 6-8 weeks if DH does not have at least
one goal that could be related to his field. It would seem that one would want to show further growth in some way. But also to take the down-time to perhaps find an outside work interest.

[Anonymous]

OP do you work yourself?

If you are at work, why does it matter if he's "sitting around" all day? You wouldn't know a difference. He would otherwise be in the office providing no value on household tasks either. Let the dude do whatever he wants, he earned it.

[Anonymous]

So, you see the sabbatical as a confirmation/prelude to a layoff and he sees it as a well earned vacation for X months? That seems to be your disconnect. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His sabbatical would be to just hang out? That would be a hard no in my house. For either of us.

And why did you mention health insurance? Will he lose his health insurance during this time? Is it possible they will push him out?

I've actually never heard of a non-academic sabbatical other than taking time off for health reasons.

My brother worked at Intel a while ago. They would give 4 weeks off after 4 years of employment or 8 weeks off after 7 years, in addition to the regular vacation time. These breaks were called sabbaticals.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it is unreasonable to ask what he plans to do during his sabbatical. With him saying, “What does it matter”, makes me think he has ZERO plans. From a financial standpoint, I would need to know if the family will continue to have health care and will he be paid for this time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh lord her whole concept of his sabbatical is “how does it benefit me and how can I get him to do more work for me?” 🙄🙄🙄

I mean the man allegedly does nothing for the household, other than work (which OP does too). As someone who also carries 80+% of that load, I can sympathize with wanting DH to finally step it the F up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh lord her whole concept of his sabbatical is “how does it benefit me and how can I get him to do more work for me?” 🙄🙄🙄

What? She’s working full time and doing alll the parenting and house stuff. He gets a 3 month break to sit on his butt and play video games while she continues to carry the load? No.

My dh and I have a good marriage. When one spouse is busier; the other takes up more work. This is how we do it. Why SHOULD the op continue on her breakneck amount of work that she clearly has to do because he’s not doing his fair share…while he’s relaxing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you work yourself?

If you are at work, why does it matter if he's "sitting around" all day? You wouldn't know a difference. He would otherwise be in the office providing no value on household tasks either. Let the dude do whatever he wants, he earned it.

Can you imagine if she was a SAHM with school aged kids!

Not sure how he interrupts her routine when she is working full time unless she works from home and he keeps coming into her office?