High maintenance, high debt

[Anonymous]

Yep, I'd bring it up and insist they get a prenup to protect him.

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely bring it up, but make sure you also empower him to make his own decisions. Don't tell him to break up, but do explain your concerns. Money is the number one issue in divorce. If you marry someone with debt, their debt becomes yours and if the person is spending out of control on top of that it's a recipe for disaster.

I am female and save and invest. I broke up with men I though were delusional with money-living way above their means. My husband and I are very compatible financially and have never once argued about money. We live below our means and so when emergencies hit like high medical expenses, home repairs, etc it does not cause us stress other than time logistics. We know we can afford it and be fine.

[Anonymous]

OP has not responded to any posts or questions. I smell a troll.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you know all these details because your AC brought it up to you, then it sounds like you've already had the conversation, and they're willing to consider your thoughts. Otherwise, they wouldn't have brought it up. Maybe your AC enjoys dating this person but has no intention of marrying them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My child is dating someone fun and sexy, how can I get them to stop?"

In long term, financial disaster is neither fun nor sexy.

Oh I missed that OP's kid is engaged. Anyway, I sure dated some losers, how about you? It would have been really weird if my parents flipped out and acted like those guys are joining the family tomorrow.

I'd prefer my kids not date "losers". Much easier not to get attached to a loser if you never start dating them.

It's how we become well-rounded, experienced people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, I'd bring it up and insist they get a prenup to protect him.

Is it still called a prenup when there's not even an engagement?

[Anonymous]

Yes, my stepson did. He's now in debt and getting divorced. Disaster.

[Anonymous]

If that's not your daughter/son in law .. I'd mind my business.

[Anonymous]

Yes, bring it up because this person sounds like a YOLO disaster.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, I think the time for what should have been an ongoing discussion about relationships and choosing a life partner has passed. Now it’s a real person and if you say anything you may get iced out forever.

[Anonymous]

Depends on how objective you truly are. My exs parents thought this about me but I ended up going to Ivy League grad school and out earning him significantly. So I would run it by some friends first to check whether these are legit red flags or just differences from your own values that are reasonable.

[Anonymous]

I think the way to do it is like a pp did - asking questions. Don't TELL them "oh she spends too much, you don't want to date her", but definitely asking how she affords it all, does she have student debt, what are your (plural) long term financial goals together is a great start. Plant the seeds for THEM to have these discussions. If they haven't already. Maybe he will say "butt out mom, we've got it covered" in which case, you butt out. But if they haven't discussed this or even considered the future, it's a good topic to bring up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you bring it up if your AC is dating someone who is very high maintenance, spends lavishly on grooming, dressing, traveling, partying, cars etc while earning low and having existing large student loans and ever growing credit card debt? Is it inappropriate to voice concern knowing well how financial hardships can ruin marriages or wiser to hope they'll figure it out on their own?

Yes I would gently bring it up and how money disputes can destroy marriages down the line, but I would also make it clear my adult child is an adult and can make his/her own decisions.

[Anonymous]

You tell them one time, tell them their SO needs to get on a budget, and if the SO is not willing to do that, you would advise against merging finances in any way, including cohabitating. If SO doesn't, that's fine, but you will not be bailing either of them out financially. Tell them this is the final time you will be hearing this advice then don't bring it up again, otherwise you are badgering and become the baddie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell them one time, tell them their SO needs to get on a budget, and if the SO is not willing to do that, you would advise against merging finances in any way, including cohabitating. If SO doesn't, that's fine, but you will not be bailing either of them out financially. Tell them this is the final time you will be hearing this advice then don't bring it up again, otherwise you are badgering and become the baddie.

p.s. your AC needs to nail their SO down on how much debt they have before they get married and s/he needs to realize that will definitely impact their living standards