High maintenance, high debt

[Anonymous]

Would you bring it up if your AC is dating someone who is very high maintenance, spends lavishly on grooming, dressing, traveling, partying, cars etc while earning low and having existing large student loans and ever growing credit card debt? Is it inappropriate to voice concern knowing well how financial hardships can ruin marriages or wiser to hope they'll figure it out on their own?

[Anonymous]

How do you know all these details? Is your AC telling you or their girlfriend? If the former, it must concern them on some level. How is your AC's financial situation and spending habits?

[Anonymous]

I would for sure. My oldest is in HS and I already tell all my kids this. 😂 Similar financial goals and values are crucial for a happy relationship.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would.. "wow, they seems to spend a ton on stuff. How much is their student debt? How do they manage it all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would for sure. My oldest is in HS and I already tell all my kids this. 😂 Similar financial goals and values are crucial for a happy relationship.

+1 We talk a lot about finances, spending, debt. How too many Americans are terrible about saving and living beyond their means.

[Anonymous]

"My child is dating someone fun and sexy, how can I get them to stop?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My child is dating someone fun and sexy, how can I get them to stop?"

In long term, financial disaster is neither fun nor sexy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My child is dating someone fun and sexy, how can I get them to stop?"

In long term, financial disaster is neither fun nor sexy.

Oh I missed that OP's kid is engaged. Anyway, I sure dated some losers, how about you? It would have been really weird if my parents flipped out and acted like those guys are joining the family tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Is your AC the kind of person who financially supports their partner? If so, warn them to run before they get robbed blind.

Is your AC the kind of person who is financially supported by their partner? If so, warn them that this gold mine is a fraud.

[Anonymous]

BIL married this person and it’s been a nightmare. I would be conscious of my limited influence here but certainly try to gently direct their attention to all the red flags

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My child is dating someone fun and sexy, how can I get them to stop?"

In long term, financial disaster is neither fun nor sexy.

+1

Finances are the most common cause of divorce/hard times in a marriage. Better to find a partner who has similar values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My child is dating someone fun and sexy, how can I get them to stop?"

In long term, financial disaster is neither fun nor sexy.

Oh I missed that OP's kid is engaged. Anyway, I sure dated some losers, how about you? It would have been really weird if my parents flipped out and acted like those guys are joining the family tomorrow.

I'd prefer my kids not date "losers". Much easier not to get attached to a loser if you never start dating them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you bring it up if your AC is dating someone who is very high maintenance, spends lavishly on grooming, dressing, traveling, partying, cars etc while earning low and having existing large student loans and ever growing credit card debt? Is it inappropriate to voice concern knowing well how financial hardships can ruin marriages or wiser to hope they'll figure it out on their own?

With my adult kids, I definitely mention stuff like this. I say what I have to say about it, as politely but honestly as possible, and then I leave the issue alone. I give my opinion or advice, and then I leave them alone to make their decision. I don't want to be a nag or an overbearing parent. They're adults. They have to make their own choices about their lives.

[Anonymous]

I hope your kid is financially savvy. I think so many AC in the early stages really don't understand what big debt really means, and how it can ruin lives. And that spending habits can be like addictions. Hard to break, even when it is breaking them financially.

I would try to respectfully ask him about it. She seems to have a lot of debt combined with high spending. Lives are ruined this way. And see what he says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would for sure. My oldest is in HS and I already tell all my kids this. 😂 Similar financial goals and values are crucial for a happy relationship.

+1 We talk a lot about finances, spending, debt. How too many Americans are terrible about saving and living beyond their means.

+2 and how marriage is a partnership that requires both spouses to contribute.