High maintenance, high debt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had no debt. I owned a home and had a good job. But my husband’s parents did not like that a had two very young children from my prior relationship. They thought their 35 yo son should marry a specific type of person. They told him so. They told me, too.

22 years on, we are still happily married and added another bub to the mix, the older two embraced him as their father with whole hearts and he is their hero and favorite person.

My mil, now a widow, is very lonely. I have always been respectful and polite, and brought the children to visit annually. I do this because I love my husband dearly, and don’t want to make his life difficult. But she and I are not close, and I am not interested in being so. She is constantly trying to force a friendship on me. I am not interested. She sees her son far less than she would have had they never openly disapproved of me. It hurt me, but it hurt him more.

I understand that finances are a different issue. But I would be very careful about what you say. Better to discuss topics (debt) than people. And better yet to do it very carefully.

You don’t want to be the lonely widow one day.

Take heed, OP.

But, in all fairness to OP, I think she’s asking for advice on whether she should say something, and understands that it might be unwise…

Since this is late in the game to be having the finance talk with your son, I think you need to be careful about not alienating your son’s girlfriend. If you do talk about this issue with him, I’d keep it general, and not mention the girlfriend.

Different set of circumstances, but it was pretty obvious that MIL and SIL weren’t happy for DH and me when we got together. I lived far away and, due to my career, he was going to be the one to move. 21 years later, I keep a cordial but verrrrry distant relationship with them. DH gives them absolutely no insight into our lives because he’s protective of our privacy. We don’t post on social media, so they don’t really know much of anything about us.

I’d be willing to let bygones be bygones, but I see how judgmental they still are of everyone else, and I know that if I were to be in their lives that I would no longer be exempt. Ignoring them keeps me out of the hot seat, so that’s what I’ll continue to do.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to them seriously about how finances make or break a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would for sure. My oldest is in HS and I already tell all my kids this. 😂 Similar financial goals and values are crucial for a happy relationship.

Good relationship material if you connect in (1) socially ; (2) spirituality; (3) intellectually; (4) physically; and (5) with regard to $

[Anonymous]

I’m sure she is hot and he is happy.

[Anonymous]

I’d offer to connect my kid to a financial planner to help “plan their life together.” Both partners come will goals and spending habits. Financial advisor is the bad guy.