Awkward friend situation

[Anonymous]

Are you generally an insecure or socially anxious person? Who cares that you guys don't have a lot in common? It doesn't sound like she's been mean or rude to you (other than inviting others without asking you). So you just be nice and friendly and then engage with other people. You're just way overthinking how to handle this.

[Anonymous]

I'm missing why this is a big deal. In my group of friends, there are a couple people who I don't have anything in common with. We make small talk but tend to converse more with others. It's really no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Do you have feelings for her? It seems in the first scenario, you felt she ruined a date by bringing more friends along. I am sure she didn't realize you were wanting time alone with her, she just thought you were friends.

No, and if she had asked if I would mind if she invited them, I would have said no, it would be fine. It just struck me as somewhat inconsiderate and pushy to bring them without asking and change a reservation that I had made without telling me. But if we had tons in common beyond that, it would not have been a friendship ender.

I know this is a little off topic, but how did she change a reservation that you made? If it's through Resy or similar, you have to be the owner of the reservation to update a reservation.

[Anonymous]

No, and if she had asked if I would mind if she invited them, I would have said no, it would be fine. It just struck me as somewhat inconsiderate and pushy to bring them without asking and change a reservation that I had made without telling me. But if we had tons in common beyond that, it would not have been a friendship ender.


I know this is a little off topic, but how did she change a reservation that you made? If it's through Resy or similar, you have to be the owner of the reservation to update a reservation.

This place only takes reservations by phone.

[Anonymous]

Are you generally an insecure or socially anxious person?

Probably generally a tad socially anxious, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No, and if she had asked if I would mind if she invited them, I would have said no, it would be fine. It just struck me as somewhat inconsiderate and pushy to bring them without asking and change a reservation that I had made without telling me. But if we had tons in common beyond that, it would not have been a friendship ender.


I know this is a little off topic, but how did she change a reservation that you made? If it's through Resy or similar, you have to be the owner of the reservation to update a reservation.

This place only takes reservations by phone.

I do think that is pretty weird, OP. I would not like that either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Are you generally an insecure or socially anxious person?

Probably generally a tad socially anxious, yes.

Ah that makes sense as to why you're overthinking this so much. It's NBD.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible you had a miscommunication about your first get together and she thought it was a larger open casual get together rather than a 1-1?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have feelings for her? It seems in the first scenario, you felt she ruined a date by bringing more friends along. I am sure she didn't realize you were wanting time alone with her, she just thought you were friends. I have made so many friends via friends of friends. The more the merrier when you are just starting to hang out.

And I am not sure what you mean by you didn't work out. There wasn't an interview process. People fade apart. It isn't a big deal. They are just an acquaintance. All these awkward and hurt feelings seem to imply you had more romantic feelings towards her.

Um...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not getting together with just her. You’re getting together with the group so focus on that and it won’t be awkward. You don’t dislike each other so you can have a conversation about sports.

+1 You can say hi to her and then talk to other people.

[Anonymous]

It's fine if you don't want to be friends with her.

But it's really uptight and weird to not want to be friends for this reason: "I was turned off when, after I asked her to get together, she invited two other women that we know through the sport and changed the restaurant reservation number (which I made) without telling me"

Who cares? More the merrier. Yeah maybe she should have asked or at least given you a heads up, but it's odd if you don't want her to be friends with her because of that

But you don't want to be friends and that is fine. Just be polite and friendly when you see her and act like all is normal.

[Anonymous]

you sound socially awkward

[Anonymous]

It's fine if you don't want to be friends with her.

But it's really uptight and weird to not want to be friends for this reason: "I was turned off when, after I asked her to get together, she invited two other women that we know through the sport and changed the restaurant reservation number (which I made) without telling me"

Who cares? More the merrier. Yeah maybe she should have asked or at least given you a heads up, but it's odd if you don't want her to be friends with her because of that

I've said several times that if we had a lot in common this would not be a deal breaker. And the feeling of not wanting to be close friends is mutual, since she's never made an effort to reach out about hanging out again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's only awkward if you make it awkward. If it's truly "perfectly ok" as you claim, there's nothing to be awkward about. Just be pleasant and casually friendly, like you would with any acquaintance. The awkward feeling will fade as you get used to it.

This is the answer. Unless you want to be faded out. As someone else stated above, there’s no loyalty in a group dynamic. People want to be included and place that above all else in most instances.

Just go and be polite to her. It shouldn’t be that difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine if you don't want to be friends with her.

But it's really uptight and weird to not want to be friends for this reason: "I was turned off when, after I asked her to get together, she invited two other women that we know through the sport and changed the restaurant reservation number (which I made) without telling me"

Who cares? More the merrier. Yeah maybe she should have asked or at least given you a heads up, but it's odd if you don't want her to be friends with her because of that

But you don't want to be friends and that is fine. Just be polite and friendly when you see her and act like all is normal.

I have to agree with this. I get you don’t click for other reasons but this is really not a big deal. Or any deal whatsoever.