Awkward friend situation

[Anonymous]

I met a woman through the sport we both play, and we hung out a few times. Nothing awful happened, but it was became clear we weren't a match. Among other things, I was turned off when, after I asked her to get together, she invited two other women that we know through the sport and changed the restaurant reservation number (which I made) without telling me - I found out when I got there. And she clearly became friendlier with these other women. I was happy to continue being casually friendly when we see see each other out and about, and she seemed to be as well. She is not a horrible person, just not for me.
However, now, one of my closest friends has met her through a different activity, and is inviting her to many of our group get togethers. I don't dislike her, but it feels very awkward to be together with her this much, as we have tried a friendship and found that it was not for either of us (perfectly ok). Any suggestions on how to handle?

[Anonymous]

You either stay quiet and get-through these gatherings or, if this "close" friend is truly close, you confide in her. If she doesn't have a very good reason to include her, maybe she won't. But these group dynamics, group friendships provide no loyalty -- you would be depending on her being a true close friends. Often people involved in multiple group friendship situations don't really have that.

[Anonymous]

Realize it's not all about you OP. If you want to stay friends with this group, you will have to get over your awkward feelings, which are likely just in your mind. It seems like no one else notices or cares so it's likely just you.

Maybe talk to a therapist instead of Dcum?

[Anonymous]

Everyone has been in Op's situation once in a awhile

[Anonymous]

It seems like no one else notices or cares so it's likely just you.

What would there be for anyone else to notice or care about? I have been in this situation, and it's just awkward and feels forced to have to keep making small talk with someone when it is clear there isn't going to be a connection, but there is nothing else to be done. This person hasn't done anything wrong (inviting other people without telling you was a little annoying but a very minor thing), so just keep being nice enough to her when you see her.

[Anonymous]

It's only awkward if you make it awkward. If it's truly "perfectly ok" as you claim, there's nothing to be awkward about. Just be pleasant and casually friendly, like you would with any acquaintance. The awkward feeling will fade as you get used to it.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t find it awkward, OP. This is just a woman you know. Big deal.

[Anonymous]

Are you going to ditch everyone in your life because they invite people to dinner?

[Anonymous]

I think in original situation you should have been asked but you couldn’t really say no anyway. I wouldn’t have had a problem with it.
Nothing bad has happened between you so you just need to get used to being in the sane circles. Go with it.

[Anonymous]

Are you going to ditch everyone in your life because they invite people to dinner?

Oh goodness, that was just an example of something that bothered me (not asking or telling me). The larger issue is that we had less in common than we thought/hoped.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like normal life to me, I wouldn’t do anything. We don’t have to love everyone we meet, just treat them with kindness and respect. That shouldn’t be too hard.

Maybe branch out and make some more friends that you do have more in common with.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like normal life to me, I wouldn’t do anything. We don’t have to love everyone we meet, just treat them with kindness and respect. That shouldn’t be too hard.

Maybe branch out and make some more friends that you do have more in common with.

Thanks, this first part makes sense. I do have friends that I have more in common with (the group she is now entering), but I was hoping to connect with friends who also enjoyed my sport, because those friends do not. It's hard to explain, I have no issue chatting with her at the sport (and sometimes enjoy it), but I somehow feel as though I can't be as much myself as I formerly was with my other friends when she is there. But I have to just be an adult and get over that.

[Anonymous]

Do you have feelings for her? It seems in the first scenario, you felt she ruined a date by bringing more friends along. I am sure she didn't realize you were wanting time alone with her, she just thought you were friends. I have made so many friends via friends of friends. The more the merrier when you are just starting to hang out.

And I am not sure what you mean by you didn't work out. There wasn't an interview process. People fade apart. It isn't a big deal. They are just an acquaintance. All these awkward and hurt feelings seem to imply you had more romantic feelings towards her.

[Anonymous]

You’re not getting together with just her. You’re getting together with the group so focus on that and it won’t be awkward. You don’t dislike each other so you can have a conversation about sports.

[Anonymous]

Do you have feelings for her? It seems in the first scenario, you felt she ruined a date by bringing more friends along. I am sure she didn't realize you were wanting time alone with her, she just thought you were friends.

No, and if she had asked if I would mind if she invited them, I would have said no, it would be fine. It just struck me as somewhat inconsiderate and pushy to bring them without asking and change a reservation that I had made without telling me. But if we had tons in common beyond that, it would not have been a friendship ender.