"How are you?" How do you respond when "fine" is a lie?

[Anonymous]

I am a private person and I assume no one wants to hear the details of my life. For me, my only sister died very recently and my friends are aware, but I still answer, “I’m doing well”.

[Anonymous]

“Doing okay, thanks.” I say it without false merriment.

[Anonymous]

I usually say “tired” or “busy” or “still alive” with a laugh. Most people just laugh and say they are too and the conversation moves on.

[Anonymous]

These posts are making me so much sadder than it would make me to hear an honest response at a party.

OP, I hear you and I care! How can I be helpful? What happened? I’m here to listen!

[Anonymous]

No one really cares when they ask you these questions, OP. Just respond "fine" and move on to your therapy appointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These posts are making me so much sadder than it would make me to hear an honest response at a party.

OP, I hear you and I care! How can I be helpful? What happened? I’m here to listen!

You sound obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

I usually say some version of the truth: work’s been a little crazy but it’s fine!, oh we’re good, just surviving the totally unreasonable toddler tantrums, looking forward to our vacation soon, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These posts are making me so much sadder than it would make me to hear an honest response at a party.

OP, I hear you and I care! How can I be helpful? What happened? I’m here to listen!

You sound obnoxious.

DCUM IS TOXIC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These posts are making me so much sadder than it would make me to hear an honest response at a party.

OP, I hear you and I care! How can I be helpful? What happened? I’m here to listen!

What’s up, OP?

[Anonymous]

Totally fine to say tired, hanging in there, or the like. But I wouldn’t identify any specific problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally fine to say tired, hanging in there, or the like. But I wouldn’t identify any specific problems.

That would be lying. You should present the full truth and medical records in case someone thinks you are lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These posts are making me so much sadder than it would make me to hear an honest response at a party.

OP, I hear you and I care! How can I be helpful? What happened? I’m here to listen!

Thank you, that's really nice. Fortunately my mental health is is decent shape so I won't be triggered by the rude responses on this thread. It does make me sad, too, though, that people would be irresponsible and unkind enough to push someone when they're already down rather than just rolling their eyes and moving on without comment. Can you imagine telling someone who could be fragile that "no one cares about you"?

Anyway, my stuff is not terribly unique, just happening all at once and feeling like a lot in the last two months. I started to write it out but deleted it.

I typically hold my cards close to my chest, smile and move on but it feels like it would be too insincere at this moment to say "fine! How are you?"

[Anonymous]

Wow there are a lot of people posting before they had coffee. OP, it's fine to say fine and it's fine to be honest if you're not fine. It's fine to have a serious conversation at a party or get together. We're adults now, not teenagers or going to Greek parties.

[Anonymous]

"The horrors persist but so do I."

Joking. I usually just say fine. If the person is someone who genuinely cares, they will already know because I have told them outside of a party scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say I'm fine but a good response is "I've seen better days" or "I'm hanging in there."

This! It communicates more honestly and opens the door to conversation - but a party mau not always be the place.