"How are you?" How do you respond when "fine" is a lie?

[Anonymous]

How do you respond to people at a social gathering who ask "how are you?" Or "how have you been?" when the answer is "not great and I wouldn't mind taking about it but I also understand that you don't necessarily want a list of grievances at this party."

These are people who are more than acquaintances but not the closest friends mainly because we don't get to see each other that often.

[Anonymous]

"Good thanks, how are you?" because a party is not the time or place to bring the mood down.

[Anonymous]

I might say “ok” and if they ask further give them a high level description, like my mom isn’t doing great or work is driving me crazy

[Anonymous]

The script goes, A: 'Hey, how have you been?' B: 'Alright, how are you?' A: 'Doing well, It's good to see you' and then you both move on. How do you not know this? There is no invitation to share your misery in what is essentially a meaningless exchange.

[Anonymous]

no one cares to hear your woes op. not even us here on DCUM

[Anonymous]

If it’s in a greeting situation, no need to get into it. If it’s a good friend but the situation isn’t appropriate, you can say something like, “I can’t wait to fill you in! Let’s get a drink soon.”

[Anonymous]

I say I'm fine but a good response is "I've seen better days" or "I'm hanging in there."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say I'm fine but a good response is "I've seen better days" or "I'm hanging in there."

I knew someone who always said things like that and it came across as such a passive-aggressive cryptic attention grab. It always turned me off from asking further. Whereas if someone was leaving a party and said "hey can we get together next week for a walk?" I'd say of course and listen to them for hours.

[Anonymous]

Tough one, it does feel odd to lie but I say fine. You could also say it's "challenging but I'm here". That is honest but doesn't make someone uncomfortable and they are at liberty to inquire more or nod and move on to another subject

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say I'm fine but a good response is "I've seen better days" or "I'm hanging in there."

I knew someone who always said things like that and it came across as such a passive-aggressive cryptic attention grab. It always turned me off from asking further. Whereas if someone was leaving a party and said "hey can we get together next week for a walk?" I'd say of course and listen to them for hours.

I think it's a totally fine answer and better than, sh&tty I lost another baby last week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say I'm fine but a good response is "I've seen better days" or "I'm hanging in there."

I knew someone who always said things like that and it came across as such a passive-aggressive cryptic attention grab. It always turned me off from asking further. Whereas if someone was leaving a party and said "hey can we get together next week for a walk?" I'd say of course and listen to them for hours.

I think it's a totally fine answer and better than, sh&tty I lost another baby last week.

I’d rather they just say I lost a baby last week. At least they’re being honest. Or say I’m not doing well I’ll give you a call tomorrow to talk about it, for now let’s have fun!

The whole I’m not great, my life sux, but I won’t tell you why or ask for help is most miserable because you don’t know how to respond and it also kills the mood all night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say I'm fine but a good response is "I've seen better days" or "I'm hanging in there."

I knew someone who always said things like that and it came across as such a passive-aggressive cryptic attention grab. It always turned me off from asking further. Whereas if someone was leaving a party and said "hey can we get together next week for a walk?" I'd say of course and listen to them for hours.

I think it's a totally fine answer and better than, sh&tty I lost another baby last week.

I’d rather they just say I lost a baby last week. At least they’re being honest. Or say I’m not doing well I’ll give you a call tomorrow to talk about it, for now let’s have fun!

The whole I’m not great, my life sux, but I won’t tell you why or ask for help is most miserable because you don’t know how to respond and it also kills the mood all night.

Agree the bolded would be totally fine to say at a party.

[Anonymous]

Girl we have to talk.

It’s so much going on

I’m hanging in there how about yourself

Well…

[Anonymous]

We definitely need to catch up

[Anonymous]

I follow up with a genuine invite to get coffee.