Parents have mixed feelings about DH and it bothers me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds a little like my DH's family with his sister and her husband. We all think her husband is a dud and she could have done better. I always wonder if she knows, but now that I'm reading your post, I bet she does.
Like OP, she thinks he's pretty great. And yes, it could be worse. But those don't change much

My entire family thinks my sister's DH is a dud and she could have done a lot better. She definitely knows, and so does he.

[Anonymous]

Both dh and I have very small extended families. My MIL has lamented for years that it’s too bad [dh] didn’t marry someone with a big family that she could have joined. We’ve been married over 25 years and her other child isn’t married. But she never complains about that - just my family (or lack thereof) lol.

[Anonymous]

Can you talk to them about all the ways you love and value your DH, and how happy you are in your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have parents who don't really love/approve of their spouse, even though they're generally pretty great? My parents have never been particularly enamored by DH, which I think is absurd because he's a good person, he's nice, he has a great job, he's a great dad, he contributes to the household (not 50/50 but how often is that the case?). But in their mind, there are all these things: he's had some family dysfunction (and therefore must be all messed up...), he doesn't cook enough (it's true that I cook more, but he does sometimes!), he's not charismatic enough (I admit that he is a bit shy/subdued around them, but I mean, they're his in-laws and I think he's always been a bit intimidated because of that), he's still a kid at heart and hasn't matured yet, he needs to shoulder more household tasks and make my life easier, etc. etc.

In my mind, I have a great marriage and we're happy together. Sure, he's not perfect but who is? I suppose the point of all my rambling is just to ask, is this normal/common? I guess I'm trying to think about things from my parents' perspective. I just feel like there are a million ways that he could be "worse", so how is he still not good enough?!

My MIL does not like me. We have been married more than 10 years and years ago after being married maybe 3 years she took my husband to some fancy event with high powered people and tried to set him up with a friend’s daughter! She was very open about it afterwards. Since then my husband won’t go anywhere alone with just her (I never asked this but he felt really uncomfortable). I found it totally hysterical, but she kept going on and on about how this woman was so much younger and prettier than me (I am younger than my husband) and how she would be a better fit for my husband. She gave this woman my husband’s number, it was so crazy. She has done other stuff and my husband didn’t see it until that and she started doing and saying stuff to him too.

I feel like now she realizes she is stuck with me, so she has not been that bad for awhile, but she always makes comments to me. It is always to “help.”

It is actually very sad to me because he was very close with his parents and now is more guarded. Not just for them not liking me, but for other things too.

I always try and make an effort with my MiL. But some people aren’t going to like you. You can’t control them you can only control yourself and how you handle the situations. We still see my in laws a ton even though they are a flight away and I just have clear boundaries.

[Anonymous]

You need to stand up for DH. Your parents sound like my MIL. She's very judgmental, and I'm shy and quiet and she hated me from the get-go because of that. She judges everything harshly, never considering the fact that the two of us have been happy together for 25 years. She causes stress in our marriage, and at times has nearly caused the end of it with her interference. Imagine yourself on the receiving end of that negativity instead of DH, and think how you hope he'd respond.

[Anonymous]

It’s not normal that they make it known that they don’t like him.

[Anonymous]

My cousin married a man who cheated on her and was a douche for years. I realized it came from insecurities, but still, no one could stand him.

They have three kids and he’s never there. He’s always with friends or at the gym or biking. Her mom is very vocal about not liking the husband. At a recent wedding MIL, daughter and son-in-law got drunk and all started fighting. It was intense.
I think the guy is immature and a cheater BUT he is a good dad to the middle child who we all feel is treated not the same by my cousin and her parents.

He used to skip family things. Idk if it was because he was a douche or because he knew we all knew about his (multiple) cheating so he didn’t want to deal with that.

But she stays with him and that is her choice. I try to be nice to the guy, but I always come back thinking, “why?”

[Anonymous]

To turn common advice often offered here on its head, I would say that you're husband doesn't have an in-law problem, he has a wife problem. This is the man you chose as your life partner. Why don't give your parents air to complain and belittle. You need to stand up to them and defend your husband, your marriage, your choices. If they can't be accepting, supportive and kind then you see them and talk to them less. Seriously. Own your life. You're not a child anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not normal that they make it known that they don’t like him.

Correct. Not normal.

[Anonymous]

You're inventing problems, OP.
Your parents are fine. Your husband is fine. You're fine.

My parents heartily dislike my husband and tried to get me to divorce him. It's true he has autism and is hard to live with sometimes. But I decided to stay and my parents have to live with that. In other respects, I have a very nice life, so no regrets on my part.

Your thing is small potatoes compared to many people's family issues. Let it go already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To turn common advice often offered here on its head, I would say that you're husband doesn't have an in-law problem, he has a wife problem. This is the man you chose as your life partner. Why don't give your parents air to complain and belittle. You need to stand up to them and defend your husband, your marriage, your choices. If they can't be accepting, supportive and kind then you see them and talk to them less. Seriously. Own your life. You're not a child anymore.

This. All of it. This poster is spot on. You say that your husband is a little immature, but really you are the one that’s immature. You’re allowing them to judge your man for trivial things. Stop gossiping to them about him. Grow a spine and tell them to knock it off with the judgment and negative comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your parents sound my parents which is why it's been 10 years since they've last seen my DH in person. I visit them w/o DH and our DCs. According to them, I could've done better and married a wealthier man, "not some poor schoolteacher". I make more money than DH which is appalling to them.

And you bring your kids to see them??

Parent fail

[Anonymous]

Why doesnt anyone stick up for their spouse? I cant imagine listening to my parents drone on and on about how much they dislike my husband. What are you doing, smiling and nodding? I'd have some choice words for people who spoke like that about my husband to my face.

[Anonymous]

Op here - lol I never said anything about droning on. And it's not some intense dislike of him. More like they don't think he's good enough for me for various reasons, because I'm wonderful in their eyes and he's not. And I do get annoyed/defensive, but I don't see how it's my responsibility to convince them that he's great. I have enough on my plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your parents sound my parents which is why it's been 10 years since they've last seen my DH in person. I visit them w/o DH and our DCs. According to them, I could've done better and married a wealthier man, "not some poor schoolteacher". I make more money than DH which is appalling to them.

And you bring your kids to see them??

Parent fail

W/o means without her DH and her kids.

Reading fail.