Post Divorce Dating - Freaked about long-term security

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are you? I had a similar experience with someone in early 50s. He claimed not saving anything, and being poor and overly lived a very frugal lifestyle. I worked my whole life, and left my marriage with few million saved in early 40s. Once I gave him a clear statement that all our joint trips will be "on budget" with both contributing 50/50, and all international trips would be just for me and my family members, it ended very quickly.

Make it clear to him that there won't be moving in, marriage and agree on dating expenses split 50/50. Then see what happens

[Anonymous]

This is like on The Verge when she realizes the guy she's dating is unencumbered by housing and sleeps on the beach. I wish they hadn't cancelled that show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you? I had a similar experience with someone in early 50s. He claimed not saving anything, and being poor and overly lived a very frugal lifestyle. I worked my whole life, and left my marriage with few million saved in early 40s. Once I gave him a clear statement that all our joint trips will be "on budget" with both contributing 50/50, and all international trips would be just for me and my family members, it ended very quickly.

Make it clear to him that there won't be moving in, marriage and agree on dating expenses split 50/50. Then see what happens

Maybe OP thought she would marry up, then became enlightened that all the good ones are not interested in her. It happens more often than you would think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you? I had a similar experience with someone in early 50s. He claimed not saving anything, and being poor and overly lived a very frugal lifestyle. I worked my whole life, and left my marriage with few million saved in early 40s. Once I gave him a clear statement that all our joint trips will be "on budget" with both contributing 50/50, and all international trips would be just for me and my family members, it ended very quickly.

Make it clear to him that there won't be moving in, marriage and agree on dating expenses split 50/50. Then see what happens

Maybe OP thought she would marry up, then became enlightened that all the good ones are not interested in her. It happens more often than you would think.

I think OP just didn't date long enough. There are many decent looking men who hold stable jobs, have homes and nice cars and don't look for sugar mom. I just learned on my mistakes and never dated anyone cheap or who claimed poor from the onset

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you? I had a similar experience with someone in early 50s. He claimed not saving anything, and being poor and overly lived a very frugal lifestyle. I worked my whole life, and left my marriage with few million saved in early 40s. Once I gave him a clear statement that all our joint trips will be "on budget" with both contributing 50/50, and all international trips would be just for me and my family members, it ended very quickly.

Make it clear to him that there won't be moving in, marriage and agree on dating expenses split 50/50. Then see what happens

Maybe OP thought she would marry up, then became enlightened that all the good ones are not interested in her. It happens more often than you would think.

Especially to the cheaters. The rich good looking married ones will bang them no strings, but never want an actual real relationship with them. It’s not as easy when your not a side piece anymore- pickings are slim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting how many divorced people out there, usually men, claim a divorce drove them to bankruptcy or that their wife took everything. There is always something more to the story. I’m sure there is one-in-a-thousand case where the person did everything right but their ex somehow stole everything and/or left them with the debt, but most of the time that is not the case.

My ex and I started marriage with nothing and were poor by DCUM standards. Divorced 12 years in and each took half of 500k net worth and lawyers got about 2k. A few years later our individual net worths are about as much as our combined net worth was 5 years ago before the divorce. Getting divorced is not an excuse to make dumb decisions and not save and invest.

NP here. Regardless, I am shocked how many second marriages have a spouse that married in that was "unaware" that the wife made/had all or most of the money and assets, and in many cases, the husband did claim bankruptcy. I find it perplexing that more second wives do not do their homework, and marry what they think someone has - their loss, I guess. But I would expect more common sense and due diligence. Are some people only looking for appearances? At that age??

My ex’s AP did not take into account a good portion of our wealth and multiple homes was due to 25 years of our joint salaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you? I had a similar experience with someone in early 50s. He claimed not saving anything, and being poor and overly lived a very frugal lifestyle. I worked my whole life, and left my marriage with few million saved in early 40s. Once I gave him a clear statement that all our joint trips will be "on budget" with both contributing 50/50, and all international trips would be just for me and my family members, it ended very quickly.

Make it clear to him that there won't be moving in, marriage and agree on dating expenses split 50/50. Then see what happens

Maybe OP thought she would marry up, then became enlightened that all the good ones are not interested in her. It happens more often than you would think.

Especially to the cheaters. The rich good looking married ones will bang them no strings, but never want an actual real relationship with them. It’s not as easy when your not a side piece anymore- pickings are slim.

Amazed how many conclusions are already made about OP without even her responding !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting how many divorced people out there, usually men, claim a divorce drove them to bankruptcy or that their wife took everything. There is always something more to the story. I’m sure there is one-in-a-thousand case where the person did everything right but their ex somehow stole everything and/or left them with the debt, but most of the time that is not the case.

My ex and I started marriage with nothing and were poor by DCUM standards. Divorced 12 years in and each took half of 500k net worth and lawyers got about 2k. A few years later our individual net worths are about as much as our combined net worth was 5 years ago before the divorce. Getting divorced is not an excuse to make dumb decisions and not save and invest.

NP here. Regardless, I am shocked how many second marriages have a spouse that married in that was "unaware" that the wife made/had all or most of the money and assets, and in many cases, the husband did claim bankruptcy. I find it perplexing that more second wives do not do their homework, and marry what they think someone has - their loss, I guess. But I would expect more common sense and due diligence. Are some people only looking for appearances? At that age??

My ex’s AP did not take into account a good portion of our wealth and multiple homes was due to 25 years of our joint salaries.

+1. Exactly. Plus, the woman's family money or money that the woman has/had. Some AP's are stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting how many divorced people out there, usually men, claim a divorce drove them to bankruptcy or that their wife took everything. There is always something more to the story. I’m sure there is one-in-a-thousand case where the person did everything right but their ex somehow stole everything and/or left them with the debt, but most of the time that is not the case.

My ex and I started marriage with nothing and were poor by DCUM standards. Divorced 12 years in and each took half of 500k net worth and lawyers got about 2k. A few years later our individual net worths are about as much as our combined net worth was 5 years ago before the divorce. Getting divorced is not an excuse to make dumb decisions and not save and invest.

NP here. Regardless, I am shocked how many second marriages have a spouse that married in that was "unaware" that the wife made/had all or most of the money and assets, and in many cases, the husband did claim bankruptcy. I find it perplexing that more second wives do not do their homework, and marry what they think someone has - their loss, I guess. But I would expect more common sense and due diligence. Are some people only looking for appearances? At that age??

My ex’s AP did not take into account a good portion of our wealth and multiple homes was due to 25 years of our joint salaries.

+1. Exactly. Plus, the woman's family money or money that the woman has/had. Some AP's are stupid.

Well- that’s why they become APs in the first place. Dimwits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting how many divorced people out there, usually men, claim a divorce drove them to bankruptcy or that their wife took everything. There is always something more to the story. I’m sure there is one-in-a-thousand case where the person did everything right but their ex somehow stole everything and/or left them with the debt, but most of the time that is not the case.

My ex and I started marriage with nothing and were poor by DCUM standards. Divorced 12 years in and each took half of 500k net worth and lawyers got about 2k. A few years later our individual net worths are about as much as our combined net worth was 5 years ago before the divorce. Getting divorced is not an excuse to make dumb decisions and not save and invest.

NP here. Regardless, I am shocked how many second marriages have a spouse that married in that was "unaware" that the wife made/had all or most of the money and assets, and in many cases, the husband did claim bankruptcy. I find it perplexing that more second wives do not do their homework, and marry what they think someone has - their loss, I guess. But I would expect more common sense and due diligence. Are some people only looking for appearances? At that age??

My ex’s AP did not take into account a good portion of our wealth and multiple homes was due to 25 years of our joint salaries.

Well if you both had careers and were married 25 years, at least he's not paying you alimony and child support. I don't follow what APs think they're getting when they date a man with a wife who doesn't work and young kids at home. By the time he's through a divorced, he too may be tittering on bankruptcy like OP's current guy.

OP, I like the advice above about making it clear there will be no moving in together or marriage, everything gets split 50/50 and you'll likely be doing things he can't afford. See how he responds. If he's fine with it and you like his company and don't want anything serious from him, it could work for a moment.

[Anonymous]

Why must nearly every conversation on this forum take a turn to involve affairs and APs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you? I had a similar experience with someone in early 50s. He claimed not saving anything, and being poor and overly lived a very frugal lifestyle. I worked my whole life, and left my marriage with few million saved in early 40s. Once I gave him a clear statement that all our joint trips will be "on budget" with both contributing 50/50, and all international trips would be just for me and my family members, it ended very quickly.

Make it clear to him that there won't be moving in, marriage and agree on dating expenses split 50/50. Then see what happens

Maybe OP thought she would marry up, then became enlightened that all the good ones are not interested in her. It happens more often than you would think.

NP

That's a weird assumption and not a very kind thing to say.

[Anonymous]

It’s only a concern if you envision marrying again or cohabiting again. I will never marry again, so I make that very clear straight up. People can be in a committed relationship without marriage if they choose.

[Anonymous]

The man I’m dating has not saved for retirement. He does have a house that will likely provide a decent amount when he sells, and social security will help. I won’t be marrying him, or living together. But if we did, I’d have a pre-nup or cohabitation agreement.

We vacation together, and I generally keep it within both our budgets, but sometimes I spurge on things and pay, because I want to do it and I want to do it with him. That doesn’t bother me.

[Anonymous]

I am shocked how many women say that costs should be split 50:50. So many posts about how unless the guy pays for dates the woman will move on. B