Post Divorce Dating - Freaked about long-term security

[Anonymous]

“This thread is just a great example of why you should not get divorced and just keep working on your marriage or even better don’t get married in the first place. It’s the quickest way to financial ruin especially for men.”

Speak for yourself. Financially I’m far better off divorced. Being able to manage my money and focus on my earnings, rather than argue about my ex’s idiotic financial decisions and waste energy trying to fix the marriage, has been a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is just a great example of why you should not get divorced and just keep working on your marriage or even better don’t get married in the first place. It’s the quickest way to financial ruin especially for men.

Except that ti very much depends on the couple, and what their issues may be.

[Anonymous]

I’m better off divorced as well. My ex ran up credit cards, took multiple 401k withdrawals, and changed his tax withholding to divert extra money to a side account. That surprise five-figure tax bill was fun.

So I’m 45 and divorced, and finally financially stable. And I’m noticing the same as OP—the men I date don’t have much in terms of assets and have some freeloading tendencies. And they have grown kids from their previous marriages that they are looking to help through their early adulthood. I feel like I have a target on my back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m better off divorced as well. My ex ran up credit cards, took multiple 401k withdrawals, and changed his tax withholding to divert extra money to a side account. That surprise five-figure tax bill was fun.

So I’m 45 and divorced, and finally financially stable. And I’m noticing the same as OP—the men I date don’t have much in terms of assets and have some freeloading tendencies. And they have grown kids from their previous marriages that they are looking to help through their early adulthood. I feel like I have a target on my back.

There are indeed a lot of broke divorced and single men in their 50s on OLD. But if you are good screening, and attractive, this breed wouldn't be your concern at all. I only made a mistake once, dated him for a few months only. Then after come to Jesus convo we broke up and I'm now dating people with healthier attitude, with goals of a mutual equal partnership

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is just a great example of why you should not get divorced and just keep working on your marriage or even better don’t get married in the first place. It’s the quickest way to financial ruin especially for men.

Truthfully, I see more women initiating divorces--esp. in younger age groups. I have teen sons and really am not going to care if they get married--and secretly feel it might be better if they don't.

I see a lot of really good guys getting taken for--wife was cheating or got in her head she could do better---and they not only are losing 1/2 --they are only getting to see their kids 1/2 the time which is heartbreaking for them and seeing other dudes around their kids...while paying the ex child support and alimony.

My son is highly educated and earns well. But girls his age are equally well-off and out earn him in many cases. He's an engineer, girls are in finance or doctors.
You should prey a nice woman picks your son, lady. Men who were never married in their 40-50s are not nearly as highly functional adults as those who were married and have kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is just a great example of why you should not get divorced and just keep working on your marriage or even better don’t get married in the first place. It’s the quickest way to financial ruin especially for men.

Truthfully, I see more women initiating divorces--esp. in younger age groups. I have teen sons and really am not going to care if they get married--and secretly feel it might be better if they don't.

I see a lot of really good guys getting taken for--wife was cheating or got in her head she could do better---and they not only are losing 1/2 --they are only getting to see their kids 1/2 the time which is heartbreaking for them and seeing other dudes around their kids...while paying the ex child support and alimony.

My son is highly educated and earns well. But girls his age are equally well-off and out earn him in many cases. He's an engineer, girls are in finance or doctors.
You should prey a nice woman picks your son, lady. Men who were never married in their 40-50s are not nearly as highly functional adults as those who were married and have kids

Engineering salaries are crap. You need a graduate degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is just a great example of why you should not get divorced and just keep working on your marriage or even better don’t get married in the first place. It’s the quickest way to financial ruin especially for men.

Truthfully, I see more women initiating divorces--esp. in younger age groups. I have teen sons and really am not going to care if they get married--and secretly feel it might be better if they don't.

I see a lot of really good guys getting taken for--wife was cheating or got in her head she could do better---and they not only are losing 1/2 --they are only getting to see their kids 1/2 the time which is heartbreaking for them and seeing other dudes around their kids...while paying the ex child support and alimony.

My son is highly educated and earns well. But girls his age are equally well-off and out earn him in many cases. He's an engineer, girls are in finance or doctors.
You should prey a nice woman picks your son, lady. Men who were never married in their 40-50s are not nearly as highly functional adults as those who were married and have kids

Engineering salaries are crap. You need a graduate degree.

He does have a grad degree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is just a great example of why you should not get divorced and just keep working on your marriage or even better don’t get married in the first place. It’s the quickest way to financial ruin especially for men.

Truthfully, I see more women initiating divorces--esp. in younger age groups. I have teen sons and really am not going to care if they get married--and secretly feel it might be better if they don't.

I see a lot of really good guys getting taken for--wife was cheating or got in her head she could do better---and they not only are losing 1/2 --they are only getting to see their kids 1/2 the time which is heartbreaking for them and seeing other dudes around their kids...while paying the ex child support and alimony.

My son is highly educated and earns well. But girls his age are equally well-off and out earn him in many cases. He's an engineer, girls are in finance or doctors.
You should prey a nice woman picks your son, lady. Men who were never married in their 40-50s are not nearly as highly functional adults as those who were married and have kids

Engineering salaries are crap. You need a graduate degree.

He does have a grad degree

A grad degree in engineering is worth little. An undergraduate engineering degree plus an MBA would boost his net worth much more. Engineers are some of the smartest poor people out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m better off divorced as well. My ex ran up credit cards, took multiple 401k withdrawals, and changed his tax withholding to divert extra money to a side account. That surprise five-figure tax bill was fun.

So I’m 45 and divorced, and finally financially stable. And I’m noticing the same as OP—the men I date don’t have much in terms of assets and have some freeloading tendencies. And they have grown kids from their previous marriages that they are looking to help through their early adulthood. I feel like I have a target on my back.

There are indeed a lot of broke divorced and single men in their 50s on OLD. But if you are good screening, and attractive, this breed wouldn't be your concern at all. I only made a mistake once, dated him for a few months only. Then after come to Jesus convo we broke up and I'm now dating people with healthier attitude, with goals of a mutual equal partnership

Pardon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is just a great example of why you should not get divorced and just keep working on your marriage or even better don’t get married in the first place. It’s the quickest way to financial ruin especially for men.

Truthfully, I see more women initiating divorces--esp. in younger age groups. I have teen sons and really am not going to care if they get married--and secretly feel it might be better if they don't.

I see a lot of really good guys getting taken for--wife was cheating or got in her head she could do better---and they not only are losing 1/2 --they are only getting to see their kids 1/2 the time which is heartbreaking for them and seeing other dudes around their kids...while paying the ex child support and alimony.

My son is highly educated and earns well. But girls his age are equally well-off and out earn him in many cases. He's an engineer, girls are in finance or doctors.
You should prey a nice woman picks your son, lady. Men who were never married in their 40-50s are not nearly as highly functional adults as those who were married and have kids

Engineering salaries are crap. You need a graduate degree.

He does have a grad degree

A grad degree in engineering is worth little. An undergraduate engineering degree plus an MBA would boost his net worth much more. Engineers are some of the smartest poor people out there.

He's a heir to over 20mm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is just a great example of why you should not get divorced and just keep working on your marriage or even better don’t get married in the first place. It’s the quickest way to financial ruin especially for men.

Truthfully, I see more women initiating divorces--esp. in younger age groups. I have teen sons and really am not going to care if they get married--and secretly feel it might be better if they don't.

I see a lot of really good guys getting taken for--wife was cheating or got in her head she could do better---and they not only are losing 1/2 --they are only getting to see their kids 1/2 the time which is heartbreaking for them and seeing other dudes around their kids...while paying the ex child support and alimony.

My son is highly educated and earns well. But girls his age are equally well-off and out earn him in many cases. He's an engineer, girls are in finance or doctors.
You should prey a nice woman picks your son, lady. Men who were never married in their 40-50s are not nearly as highly functional adults as those who were married and have kids

Engineering salaries are crap. You need a graduate degree.

He does have a grad degree

A grad degree in engineering is worth little. An undergraduate engineering degree plus an MBA would boost his net worth much more. Engineers are some of the smartest poor people out there.

He's a heir to over 20mm

Sure he is and you can’t write a grammatical sentence or proofread? I totally believe you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my first serious relationship post divorce and I’m freaking out a little bit. I have always been a creature of habit so change is difficult for me. Divorce was devastating.

My partner is in their mid-50s and has nothing saved for retirement. They rent like me. They had to declare bankruptcy after a nasty divorce a decade or so ago.

I’m freaking out because while I have diligently saved for retirement I feel like I would be making an unwise financial decision to stay with this person.

I love them, but would the lack of savings scare you off? I can’t figure out if this is me overreacting or if this is truly an issue I need to be concerned about.

OP if this dude's financial state makes you worried or uncomfortable I think you have your answer right there. Doesn't matter what we all think.

[Anonymous]

Look, I'm in my early 50s and divorced, and yes that guy's situation would scare me off. In fact, I have no plans to ever legally link myself to a man again. My money is for me and my kids, after I die.

[Anonymous]

You can date without linking your finances. My current BF makes way more than I do but his ex wife was a disaster for his finances. So we basically go Dutch. It's not ideal - we are in different places in life when it comes to retirement - but I doubt we'll be together that long anyway. But he's a nice person to date, just not marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m better off divorced as well. My ex ran up credit cards, took multiple 401k withdrawals, and changed his tax withholding to divert extra money to a side account. That surprise five-figure tax bill was fun.

So I’m 45 and divorced, and finally financially stable. And I’m noticing the same as OP—the men I date don’t have much in terms of assets and have some freeloading tendencies. And they have grown kids from their previous marriages that they are looking to help through their early adulthood. I feel like I have a target on my back.

There are indeed a lot of broke divorced and single men in their 50s on OLD. But if you are good screening, and attractive, this breed wouldn't be your concern at all. I only made a mistake once, dated him for a few months only. Then after come to Jesus convo we broke up and I'm now dating people with healthier attitude, with goals of a mutual equal partnership

Ha! I’m pretty. And I am screening them—that’s how I know about their financial situations. I’ve moved on from any aspirations to get remarried or have a long-term partnership. Now I just date for companionship and help around my house. If that means I have to buy him a cheeseburger, it’s cheaper than a handyman.