Secretly starting to resent husband and all the care of his elderly mom

[Anonymous]

Your feelings are 100% natural- your husband is absolutely doing the right thing, but the rest of your family is sacrificed and it’s very hard not to resent that. I’ve been there in a lesser scaled back version of this and it was very challenging.

Can he take some FMLA to get her through what sounds like the very final stage of her life? That may make it more manageable to get things done for her during the day but still have plenty of time for the family, pitch in more at home etc. It sounds like the end is near.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire help.

+1. You need someone to help with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to work so much? Both of you should cut back. 60 with travel is a lot.

Who’s going to pay for MIL’s care?

You, in a different job that is more suitable to your situation.

[Anonymous]

Has your husband talked to his siblings about helping more/some?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re discussing hospice, it would seem this situation is approaching an end point. What I was told was that most people typically pass within five years of a dementia diagnosis.?

Year 11 for my FIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will most likely benefit when your own children treat you with the same loving care, concern and attention that you and your husband have given to his mother. Your children are benefiting more from learning this example than suffering any negative stress related to it.

This is INSANE. Do not listen to this fool.

Their dad has been missing their important life events for FIVE years. This is not benefitting them. This is madness and he needs to figure out a way that prioritizes his young children and their development.

[Anonymous]

Taking MIL out of the picture, just having 3 young kids and 2 60 hr/week jobs with travel is completely OTT and not workable. I can’t imagine how you are surviving with MIL in the mix. It’s natural that everyone would be miserable. You guys should really consider some major changes so you can stop living in constant anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking MIL out of the picture, just having 3 young kids and 2 60 hr/week jobs with travel is completely OTT and not workable. I can’t imagine how you are surviving with MIL in the mix. It’s natural that everyone would be miserable. You guys should really consider some major changes so you can stop living in constant anxiety.

+1. People need to live with a margin otherwise they are miserable.

[Anonymous]

I understand it’s a really tough situation with your MIL. I am impressed that you both have been able to juggle handling her needs, plus your kids, plus demanding jobs with travel. You and your dh must be exhausted.

Do you have help at home? Someone who can run errands for you, help drive the kids etc? Can you carpool with friends/teammates so that you don’t have to be 3 places at once?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking MIL out of the picture, just having 3 young kids and 2 60 hr/week jobs with travel is completely OTT and not workable. I can’t imagine how you are surviving with MIL in the mix. It’s natural that everyone would be miserable. You guys should really consider some major changes so you can stop living in constant anxiety.

+1

This is good advice.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand your reluctance to discuss this with your husband. The fact that this is untenable is the truth. It isn’t about you not caring about his mom. You have to find some solutions — more help, different jobs, etc. it sounds like your kids barely see their dad which is terrible. Your kids need him more than MIL — no one wants to say that out loud in your household, which is not good.

[Anonymous]

Forget the MIL.

3 KIDS? 3 kids and you are wondering why you are miserable? LOL. You poor simple person!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to work so much? Both of you should cut back. 60 with travel is a lot.

Who’s going to pay for MIL’s care?

You, in a different job that is more suitable to your situation.

Don't listen to this person. Must be someone who's retired. Jobs aren't growing on trees and her kids will need those resources eventually. MIL's situation is temporary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to work so much? Both of you should cut back. 60 with travel is a lot.

Yup. Between the two of them they have three full time jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking MIL out of the picture, just having 3 young kids and 2 60 hr/week jobs with travel is completely OTT and not workable. I can’t imagine how you are surviving with MIL in the mix. It’s natural that everyone would be miserable. You guys should really consider some major changes so you can stop living in constant anxiety.

What do you suggest?