Am I asking for too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP the request is reasonable but not for the reason you’re citing. You’re checking up on him, keeping tabs on him, and that is controlling and inappropriate. Either you trust him enough to sleep with him and be in a relationship with him or you don’t. Keeping tabs is not a solution.

Exactly this. Reasonable if you need it for the connection it provides you, unreasonable because you need it for security.

[Anonymous]

Yes. You are not 16.
Other things matter when you are 43.
Single and no kids, amirite?

[Anonymous]

Yikes, I hope he sees that for the major red flag that it is. Yes, you’re being unreasonable and controlling.

[Anonymous]

I had GF like this and it was fine because it really as just a check in.

If we had something to discuss we did, but otherwise I knew it wasn't going to turn into a 30 minute conversation where I'm dying for a pause to head into the "I'll let you go now" routine that could take another 10-15 mins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, it sounds controlling to me. And what if he isn’t home and is out with friends? Is he supposed to step out and call you?

OP here. Of course not. But I would want him to text me and let me know he was going out, as I would communicate the same to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had GF like this and it was fine because it really as just a check in.

If we had something to discuss we did, but otherwise I knew it wasn't going to turn into a 30 minute conversation where I'm dying for a pause to head into the "I'll let you go now" routine that could take another 10-15 mins.

OP here. That is how I see it as a check in. I’ve always had those in serious relationships. It’s never been something I’ve had to discuss before. The relationship just naturally evolved into that once we realized we were into each other. I see it as similar to a good morning text. I don’t think it’s controlling at all when me and a partner have a check-in routine. No one is making the other person do it. We are doing it because we want to connect and don’t want the other person to worry. It helps to lay a groundwork of consistency in the relationship in my opinion. It’s the precursor to a partner coming home every night should the relationship get to living together.

[Anonymous]

If you really see it as just wanting to know he’s okay, then a text should suffice. You don’t need a whole call.

But honestly, a daily call as I’m going to bed sounds exhausting. DH and I have a great relationship, and when we travel for work, it’s just a few texts through the day. It would drive us both nuts if we had to call “just because”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. You are not 16.
Other things matter when you are 43.
Single and no kids, amirite?

I’m going to guess single, no kids and a low pay job to boot. It’s hard to imagine getting to your thirties and not having gotten busy with other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you really see it as just wanting to know he’s okay, then a text should suffice. You don’t need a whole call.

But honestly, a daily call as I’m going to bed sounds exhausting. DH and I have a great relationship, and when we travel for work, it’s just a few texts through the day. It would drive us both nuts if we had to call “just because”.

You’re already married, duh. DH comes home to you every night correct? Therefore trust has been built up. At a certain point you don’t need check ins as much.

[Anonymous]

I'm 44 but married. It sounds high maintenance to me because I'm imagining our nights and if I had someone who wanted to talk to me on the phone versus a text every single night, I would find it annoying.

When my husband or I travel, whether for work or for fun, we don't talk on the phone every night. If we're with our friends for the weekend, we will text during the day but we don't have to tell each other what we're doing all the time. That sounds super controlling.

What's interesting is if you were a man asking about wanting your girlfriend to call you every single night I think people would say that's a red flag and he's trying to control you. To me, it's the same with the genders reversed.

In any event, at the end of the day, if that's what you need and he won't give it to you, then this isn't the relationship for you. That's really all you need to know. Whether others think it's controlling or high maintenance or whatever is a moot point. If you need it and he won't give it to you then it's time to move on and look for someone who gives you what you need.

[Anonymous]

But he could be calling you from his car outside his other girlfriend’s house, or while she’s in the shower. It doesn’t prove what you think it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you really see it as just wanting to know he’s okay, then a text should suffice. You don’t need a whole call.

But honestly, a daily call as I’m going to bed sounds exhausting. DH and I have a great relationship, and when we travel for work, it’s just a few texts through the day. It would drive us both nuts if we had to call “just because”.

You’re already married, duh. DH comes home to you every night correct? Therefore trust has been built up. At a certain point you don’t need check ins as much.

If this is the logic, then you agree she is only doing this because she wants to know he isn’t with another woman. It isn’t about him being safe. In which case, yeah, op is high maintenance and red flags.

[Anonymous]

It’s high maintenance and sounds needy. And also you don’t want him calling you because he feels obligated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But he could be calling you from his car outside his other girlfriend’s house, or while she’s in the shower. It doesn’t prove what you think it does.

+1 I'm not understanding how a quick call vs a text every night is more reassuring. He could be doing or any number of things (or his mind might be elsewhere) while calling to say a quick good night.

[Anonymous]

I think there could be generational differences with the responses. Younger people do nightly FaceTime. It’s pretty common. No more controlling than waking up and sending a have a nice day text. It just says hey I’m thinking about you, how was your day, making sure you’re safe.