Nanny on the phone ALL the time. How do I talk to her about it?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Do not judge us for having a nanny. She has her own favorite activities and the nanny takes her there a few times a week. And yes, it would be unfair to drag her to our other children’s activities. Our previous nanny didn’t just sit on her phone even when our daughter was busy doing things on her own. She is very independent.

[Anonymous]

I would fire her and get a new nanny. Easy peasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Do not judge us for having a nanny. She has her own favorite activities and the nanny takes her there a few times a week. And yes, it would be unfair to drag her to our other children’s activities. Our previous nanny didn’t just sit on her phone even when our daughter was busy doing things on her own. She is very independent.

It's not unfair if you're using that time to interact with her yourself. Nobody is judging you for having a nanny, but there's clearly not enough for her to do when you have one kid who can entertain herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Do not judge us for having a nanny. She has her own favorite activities and the nanny takes her there a few times a week. And yes, it would be unfair to drag her to our other children’s activities. Our previous nanny didn’t just sit on her phone even when our daughter was busy doing things on her own. She is very independent.

So how much do you pay this nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Do not judge us for having a nanny. She has her own favorite activities and the nanny takes her there a few times a week. And yes, it would be unfair to drag her to our other children’s activities. Our previous nanny didn’t just sit on her phone even when our daughter was busy doing things on her own. She is very independent.

What would you like your nanny to do while your daughter is playing independently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would fire her and get a new nanny. Easy peasy.

Definitely not "easy peasy." Very difficult to find someone willing to work 25 hours/week because typically that's not enough money. Plus, from OP's description this is an extraordinarily unpleasant child. She "rejects the nanny" and even the kid's own parents refuse to spend time with her, preferring to pawn her off to someone they have to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would fire her and get a new nanny. Easy peasy.

Definitely not "easy peasy." Very difficult to find someone willing to work 25 hours/week because typically that's not enough money. Plus, from OP's description this is an extraordinarily unpleasant child. She "rejects the nanny" and even the kid's own parents refuse to spend time with her, preferring to pawn her off to someone they have to pay.

Oh shut up. The kid is normal and doesn't want to play with a stranger. She's fine on her own which is developmentally appropriate. If the nanny isn't doing part of her job because she's on the phone then focus on that. If OP wants to insist that the nanny bother the child and insist on playing together then fire her because she's not doing that. But she's going to have a hard time finding a replacement.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her the phone goes on the charger in x room and is for emergencies only. If she doesn't like it, get a new nanny.

I'm not allowed to be on the phone for personal calls at my job.

[Anonymous]

Can you produce a rotating list of chores for her to do around the house? Approach it as, "DD is becoming more independent and seems to value time to relax and do her own thing in the evening. While she is doing that, would you mind rotating through a few household chores?"
- sweep kitchen
- fold/ put away laundry
- unload/ load dishwasher
- take out trash...

You could explain that you value having her in the house to keep a watchful eye over DD but recognize the nature of what DD needs is changing and so you're asking for her to be accommodating in this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you produce a rotating list of chores for her to do around the house? Approach it as, "DD is becoming more independent and seems to value time to relax and do her own thing in the evening. While she is doing that, would you mind rotating through a few household chores?"
- sweep kitchen
- fold/ put away laundry
- unload/ load dishwasher
- take out trash...

You could explain that you value having her in the house to keep a watchful eye over DD but recognize the nature of what DD needs is changing and so you're asking for her to be accommodating in this.

The biggest problem with this is that these are housekeeping duties, and not nanny duties. So, depending on what job this woman was hired for she might not be willing to be a housekeeper while the five-year-old is playing on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing you say is going to make a difference. For many people smarthone usage / telephone use produces dopamine. In other words, it’s addictive. If she has this habit and addiction, then it’s not going away. Have you considered getting a new nanny? (one who is not addicted)

This is what it comes down to. She thinks being on her phone is a perk of the job. Nothing you say is going to convince her otherwise. If your pay is competitive find a new nanny. It doesn’t sound like your child is attached to her, so what’s the point? Maybe try aftercare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would fire her and get a new nanny. Easy peasy.

Definitely not "easy peasy." Very difficult to find someone willing to work 25 hours/week because typically that's not enough money. Plus, from OP's description this is an extraordinarily unpleasant child. She "rejects the nanny" and even the kid's own parents refuse to spend time with her, preferring to pawn her off to someone they have to pay.

Oh shut up. The kid is normal and doesn't want to play with a stranger. She's fine on her own which is developmentally appropriate. If the nanny isn't doing part of her job because she's on the phone then focus on that. If OP wants to insist that the nanny bother the child and insist on playing together then fire her because she's not doing that. But she's going to have a hard time finding a replacement.

Oh shut up. The nanny has been working for them for at least several months and is not a stranger. She probably knows the nanny better than the parents.

[Anonymous]

OP has commented again but not answered how much she pays.

Pay her more to do more. Assign tasks including documentary evidence of what your want her to do (or use a camera)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Do not judge us for having a nanny. She has her own favorite activities and the nanny takes her there a few times a week. And yes, it would be unfair to drag her to our other children’s activities. Our previous nanny didn’t just sit on her phone even when our daughter was busy doing things on her own. She is very independent.

What would you like your nanny to do while your daughter is playing independently?

Model appropriate independent play for a growing child, like enjoying a smartphone

[Anonymous]

Some of you are nuts. Yes a 5yo should be able to entertain herself. She shouldn’t have to though after school 5x a week if there is an adult sitter there.
I have an 11yo only. She’s perfectly capable of staying alone the 3 hours a days we both work ( it’s only twice a week) but we pay a sitter because she needs driving places. Sitter also plays basketball with her, soccer, Uno, draws etc….. my kid likes the company. I’m not paying a sitter to sit on her phone I’m paying her to
Interact with my kid. As is OP.
OP what happens if the sitter suggests to your 5yo they play a game?