Nanny on the phone ALL the time. How do I talk to her about it?

[Anonymous]

She works for us from 1:45 until 6:45. Folds laundry, picks up toys from 1:45 until 2:30. Most of the time there is little to do and she just hangs out until it’s time to go get the kids at 2:30. Comes home with them at 3:30, they have a snack, I take my middle one to her lessons, husband takes our oldest one to his lessons, the nanny stays at home with our 5-year old. They do a little writing activity and then my daughter either hangs out in the basement or does something at the art table or watches TV. Nanny gets on the phone instead of interacting with our daughter. Sometimes I am home and see it. Husband sees it too. Our previous nanny would never do that. She would always play with our kids, if the kids were just eating or whatever, she would find things to do in the house. How do I talk to this woman about it? She basically said “no I am not on the phone a lot” when I mentioned this a few months ago. She gets defensive. There shouldn’t be time to read articles about Ukraine etc when she is at our house. I showed her so many things she could do with my daughter. The child also rejects her a lot because the nanny doesn’t try to play with her. We pay good money for 5 hours a day and I just don’t get how she thinks it’s ok to be on the phone so much.

[Anonymous]

How old are these kids? Why do you have a nanny?

[Anonymous]

I would just ditch the nanny. One of you can take the 5 year old to the lessons with you. You have a self sufficient 5yo who can self entertain. The nanny doesn't do much at all.

[Anonymous]

Two things. 1-Your five-year-old does not need to be entertained every minute of every afternoon. It’s good for them to learn to self entertain.

2- just like there is time for you to read an article about Ukraine when you’re at work, there’s also time for her to read an article or two. But, ultimately it’s your policies as an employer on phone usage and you can ask her not to be on the phone. But IMO no phone usage I think is extreme. It’s probably not a good match and you might have to find somebody else for this job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just ditch the nanny. One of you can take the 5 year old to the lessons with you. You have a self sufficient 5yo who can self entertain. The nanny doesn't do much at all.

Agree. If one of you can do pickup from school, and one of you take 5 yr old to lessons, no need for nanny. Alternatively, find a different nanny. This one doesn’t sound good. You’ve already brought up the problem and she denied and it and keeps at it. She isn’t a good fit.

[Anonymous]

I personally don't like the idea that you think a 5 year old needs that much 1 on 1 attention. they really should be more independent and not "playing" with a nanny.

But you do you, fire her if a 5 year old needs a play date with a full on adult.

[Anonymous]

Nothing you say is going to make a difference. For many people smarthone usage / telephone use produces dopamine. In other words, it’s addictive. If she has this habit and addiction, then it’s not going away. Have you considered getting a new nanny? (one who is not addicted)

[Anonymous]

The flip side of what everyone else is saying (which I don't disagree with) is that it is INSANELY hard to find and retain someone for the schedule you need. If she is otherwise good at her job- on time, kids are safe, tasks are complete, reliable- then I would start with a performance review and very clear discussion that this phone usage is a threat to her job before jumping straight to letting her go. I hear your concerns, OP, but practically the after school nanny candidates are just not like the full time ones.

[Anonymous]

You don't need a Danny on your child. Does not need to be entertained 24/7. Save some money and occasionally get a babysitter to play with her for a few hours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She works for us from 1:45 until 6:45. Folds laundry, picks up toys from 1:45 until 2:30. Most of the time there is little to do and she just hangs out until it’s time to go get the kids at 2:30. Comes home with them at 3:30, they have a snack, I take my middle one to her lessons, husband takes our oldest one to his lessons, the nanny stays at home with our 5-year old. They do a little writing activity and then my daughter either hangs out in the basement or does something at the art table or watches TV. Nanny gets on the phone instead of interacting with our daughter. Sometimes I am home and see it. Husband sees it too. Our previous nanny would never do that. She would always play with our kids, if the kids were just eating or whatever, she would find things to do in the house. How do I talk to this woman about it? She basically said “no I am not on the phone a lot” when I mentioned this a few months ago. She gets defensive. There shouldn’t be time to read articles about Ukraine etc when she is at our house. I showed her so many things she could do with my daughter. The child also rejects her a lot because the nanny doesn’t try to play with her. We pay good money for 5 hours a day and I just don’t get how she thinks it’s ok to be on the phone so much.

How much?
It's hard to find someone that is willing to work just 5 hours a day, because most people need a salary of a full time job.
I agree with a few of the other posters that you probably don't "need" each child to have a one-on-one each day and could just bring the 5 year old along to one of the other kid's lessons to wait. But if you and your spouse really feel that's important, I'd be prepared to pay more for someone willing to do what you ask.

[Anonymous]

I had a no screens policy for when my kids were with the nanny. I was paying for the nanny to engage with the kids.

People need downtime - but I think your nanny does not understand the expectations of the job and you assumed that she did.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like there isn’t much for the nanny to do and 5 hours is a stretch and she’s filling the time.

[Anonymous]

You say the nanny should be interacting with 5YO but you also say 5YO rejects her a lot. You assume it’s because nanny doesn’t interact with her, but could it be that nanny doesn’t interact much bc of 5YO’s rejection, instead of the other way around?

Is your kid happy? Maybe the kid likes a little down or alone time after school and there is no actual problem here except you had a different vision of how it would look.

[Anonymous]

People are terrible at estimating their phone usage, so she probably thinks she isn’t on it a lot.

[Anonymous]

What do you do when you drop the other kids off at lessons? When do you spend 1:1 time with the 5 yo? For me, this is the best time to spend with the youngest. While waiting for older siblings we talk, read books, play games, etc. Otherwise when do you get that time?