My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a cousin who currently sends her older child to boarding school in the US. My cousin and her family live in a different country. She wants to send her younger child in the US but due to the economy and exchange rates, they cannot afford to send both kids to boarding school in the US. She asked if the younger child could stay with us and go to school.

I already have 3 kids and it a struggle daily to wake them up and I feel like we barely get to school. Same for the afternoons. We have constant conflicts and it is difficult to feed and drive my own 3 kids.

Would you take in a cousin?

I would (and we also have three young kids and super busy lifestyle), but it is clear that you don’t want to, so don’t. No child deserves to feel like a burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm an immigrant from Asia where this type of ask is pretty common. My parents bore the brunt of it. One of my cousins sent her son to a school near my parents, with the understanding that my parents would keep an eye on him. It did not go well. The son was very disrespectful and ungracious, whereas my mom went out of her way to do things for him. After that they said never again.

Short of truly dire situations (war zone or parental death), I would not take in a child of a relative. You can barely keep your head above water; you have no bandwidth to take on another dependent.

Relatives overseas often have some really unrealistic views of life in America. Do not give in to family pressure. It can get really insidious.

Not to hijack the OPs thread but I do not understand this. Everyone around here , particularly our Asian friends, thinks the US public education system is far less rigorous than schools in many Asian countries. Why is it a common ask to send cousins to live with someone else just to attend a US public school?

[Anonymous]

I am from India and this was common in our family but only between siblings or grandparents. At different times my sister and I stayed with my dad’s sister’s family or my mom’s parents to continue our schooling uninterrupted while my father was posted to different places for work.
It’s a bit of a stretch for your cousin to ask. Are you close to them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm an immigrant from Asia where this type of ask is pretty common. My parents bore the brunt of it. One of my cousins sent her son to a school near my parents, with the understanding that my parents would keep an eye on him. It did not go well. The son was very disrespectful and ungracious, whereas my mom went out of her way to do things for him. After that they said never again.

Short of truly dire situations (war zone or parental death), I would not take in a child of a relative. You can barely keep your head above water; you have no bandwidth to take on another dependent.

Relatives overseas often have some really unrealistic views of life in America. Do not give in to family pressure. It can get really insidious.

Not to hijack the OPs thread but I do not understand this. Everyone around here , particularly our Asian friends, thinks the US public education system is far less rigorous than schools in many Asian countries. Why is it a common ask to send cousins to live with someone else just to attend a US public school?

I have several Chinese coworkers whose relatives in China sent their kids to private US high schools so they could get into US colleges more easily. They didn’t stay with relatives though, they went to schools with boarding options.

[Anonymous]

I would only do it if all expenses were paid and you had a behavior agreement that, if violated, sends the kid back.

[Anonymous]

OP, if it's a war zone and survival or abuse/neglect, no question. If its just for a better education or because they don't feel like parenting no. I would only say yes, if they helped pay for a nanny/cleaning service/expenses. Otherwise tell them you'd love to help out for an emergency but cannot commit long term as you are already stretched thin with your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If its some type of emergency or in a war/disease/extremely impoverished area, then I probably would. Otherwise no, especially with your own kids to care for.

If they spend too much for their older child's education and can't fund a better education for their younger child, that isn't your economic problem to solve.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a cousin who currently sends her older child to boarding school in the US. My cousin and her family live in a different country. She wants to send her younger child in the US but due to the economy and exchange rates, they cannot afford to send both kids to boarding school in the US. She asked if the younger child could stay with us and go to school.

I already have 3 kids and it a struggle daily to wake them up and I feel like we barely get to school. Same for the afternoons. We have constant conflicts and it is difficult to feed and drive my own 3 kids.

Would you take in a cousin?

No, we don’t have room or time or money to do that..

Sounds like your cousin made a bad fiscal decision to pay for boarding school for her oldest child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm an immigrant from Asia where this type of ask is pretty common. My parents bore the brunt of it. One of my cousins sent her son to a school near my parents, with the understanding that my parents would keep an eye on him. It did not go well. The son was very disrespectful and ungracious, whereas my mom went out of her way to do things for him. After that they said never again.

Short of truly dire situations (war zone or parental death), I would not take in a child of a relative. You can barely keep your head above water; you have no bandwidth to take on another dependent.

Relatives overseas often have some really unrealistic views of life in America. Do not give in to family pressure. It can get really insidious.

this

Hard pass

[Anonymous]

Probably as long as my kids liked them. It would be enriching for all.

[Anonymous]

If you do this, they'll decide they don't need to bear the expense of sending the older one to boarding school, and you'll have to take in the other child too.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, sure do it. It is the responsibility of all American taxpayers to pay for your relatives’ kids public school educations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm an immigrant from Asia where this type of ask is pretty common. My parents bore the brunt of it. One of my cousins sent her son to a school near my parents, with the understanding that my parents would keep an eye on him. It did not go well. The son was very disrespectful and ungracious, whereas my mom went out of her way to do things for him. After that they said never again.

Short of truly dire situations (war zone or parental death), I would not take in a child of a relative. You can barely keep your head above water; you have no bandwidth to take on another dependent.

Relatives overseas often have some really unrealistic views of life in America. Do not give in to family pressure. It can get really insidious.

Not to hijack the OPs thread but I do not understand this. Everyone around here , particularly our Asian friends, thinks the US public education system is far less rigorous than schools in many Asian countries. Why is it a common ask to send cousins to live with someone else just to attend a US public school?

lol because it is far less rigorous. Chinese kids are in school and follow up tutoring classes for 12 hours a day, 6.5 days a week. There’s no comparison.

[Anonymous]

Wtf. The answer is no.

[Anonymous]

Is your cousin willing to pay for a part time nanny to help you around? Would be less expensive than boarding school and then you could get help with cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, getting kids to and from places.