My cousin asked if her kid(s) could live with me

[Anonymous]

I have a cousin who currently sends her older child to boarding school in the US. My cousin and her family live in a different country. She wants to send her younger child in the US but due to the economy and exchange rates, they cannot afford to send both kids to boarding school in the US. She asked if the younger child could stay with us and go to school.

I already have 3 kids and it a struggle daily to wake them up and I feel like we barely get to school. Same for the afternoons. We have constant conflicts and it is difficult to feed and drive my own 3 kids.

Would you take in a cousin?

[Anonymous]

So say no. What's the big deal? She chose to have two kids - it's on her to raise them both.

[Anonymous]

In what country does your cousin and her family currently live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In what country does your cousin and her family currently live?

This. Ukraine, Israel, Palestine ..I’d say yes but easily say no if it’s a non war zone country.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what country does your cousin and her family currently live?

This. Ukraine, Israel, Palestine ..I’d say yes but easily say no if it’s a non war zone country.

+1. War zone I'd find a way to take in another child. Anywhere else, a loving no.

[Anonymous]

No. And how would you even register the kid for school? They'd be here illegally. I had to provide birth certificates when I registered my kids.

[Anonymous]

no f'king way

[Anonymous]

NO.

[Anonymous]

What kind of culture do you come from? Like, is this expected of you? This was common with my parents and their cousins when they came to the US (less so among us first generation kids).

Its a huge responsibility but would be incredibly generous and kind of you to do it.

[Anonymous]

I may be the odd man out here, but I would say absolutely yes. We have five kids, so we are no stranger to having several kids at a time. I wouldn’t mind helping family out like this and would take this as a really wonderful opportunity.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm an immigrant from Asia where this type of ask is pretty common. My parents bore the brunt of it. One of my cousins sent her son to a school near my parents, with the understanding that my parents would keep an eye on him. It did not go well. The son was very disrespectful and ungracious, whereas my mom went out of her way to do things for him. After that they said never again.

Short of truly dire situations (war zone or parental death), I would not take in a child of a relative. You can barely keep your head above water; you have no bandwidth to take on another dependent.

Relatives overseas often have some really unrealistic views of life in America. Do not give in to family pressure. It can get really insidious.

[Anonymous]

If its some type of emergency or in a war/disease/extremely impoverished area, then I probably would. Otherwise no, especially with your own kids to care for.

If they spend too much for their older child's education and can't fund a better education for their younger child, that isn't your economic problem to solve.

[Anonymous]

I agree, it depends where they live

My mom’s family did this kind of stuff decades ago, but I don’t think anyone would entertain it today

[Anonymous]

I agree I'd say yes if they were in danger. Otherwise, I'd have to say no to prevent resentment. I know issues will inevitably arise and it's not fair to anyone involved.