Anecdotal or is the AP always less attractive than the spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men affair down. The "lesser" women throw themselves at him in a way that makes him feel validated, desired, powerful, etc. They are eager to please him whether that's doing anything in bed or letting him call the boundaries and run the show. Also, in general, people who get involved with a married person likely have some sort of issue whether that's mental health, self worth, insecure, anxious attachment, previous abuse.

Listen, I am sure this is true sometimes, but believing this is universally true is just a way for you to cope with uncomfortable truths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men affair down. The "lesser" women throw themselves at him in a way that makes him feel validated, desired, powerful, etc. They are eager to please him whether that's doing anything in bed or letting him call the boundaries and run the show. Also, in general, people who get involved with a married person likely have some sort of issue whether that's mental health, self worth, insecure, anxious attachment, previous abuse.

Listen, I am sure this is true sometimes, but believing this is universally true is just a way for you to cope with uncomfortable truths.

PP here and I didn't say it was universally true, but it happens often. So many stereotypes of the businessman the with secretary, the working dad with the nanny or housekeepers, the professor with the student, the mentor with the mentee - these don't just come from thin air.

[Anonymous]

Its a lie we tell ourselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men affair down. The "lesser" women throw themselves at him in a way that makes him feel validated, desired, powerful, etc. They are eager to please him whether that's doing anything in bed or letting him call the boundaries and run the show. Also, in general, people who get involved with a married person likely have some sort of issue whether that's mental health, self worth, insecure, anxious attachment, previous abuse.

Listen, I am sure this is true sometimes, but believing this is universally true is just a way for you to cope with uncomfortable truths.

PP here and I didn't say it was universally true, but it happens often. So many stereotypes of the businessman the with secretary, the working dad with the nanny or housekeepers, the professor with the student, the mentor with the mentee - these don't just come from thin air.

These are the ones you hear about because they blow up fantastically. I believe that more often what happens is two married people (who have done a better job taking care of themselves than their spouses and are in a midlife crisis and worn down by the work/family grind) find each other, breathe life back into each other, and eventually they have to end it because they don't want to break up their families and they are smart enough to know that in 10 years they'd be in the same place with each other. This happens a LOT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men affair down. The "lesser" women throw themselves at him in a way that makes him feel validated, desired, powerful, etc. They are eager to please him whether that's doing anything in bed or letting him call the boundaries and run the show. Also, in general, people who get involved with a married person likely have some sort of issue whether that's mental health, self worth, insecure, anxious attachment, previous abuse.

Listen, I am sure this is true sometimes, but believing this is universally true is just a way for you to cope with uncomfortable truths.

PP here and I didn't say it was universally true, but it happens often. So many stereotypes of the businessman the with secretary, the working dad with the nanny or housekeepers, the professor with the student, the mentor with the mentee - these don't just come from thin air.

These are the ones you hear about because they blow up fantastically. I believe that more often what happens is two married people (who have done a better job taking care of themselves than their spouses and are in a midlife crisis and worn down by the work/family grind) find each other, breathe life back into each other, and eventually they have to end it because they don't want to break up their families and they are smart enough to know that in 10 years they'd be in the same place with each other. This happens a LOT.

I'm not disagreeing with you, but I still think that in this dynamic, the burnt out mom isn't risking her family security for the overweight dork, but the sexless dad absolutely would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men affair down. The "lesser" women throw themselves at him in a way that makes him feel validated, desired, powerful, etc. They are eager to please him whether that's doing anything in bed or letting him call the boundaries and run the show. Also, in general, people who get involved with a married person likely have some sort of issue whether that's mental health, self worth, insecure, anxious attachment, previous abuse.

Listen, I am sure this is true sometimes, but believing this is universally true is just a way for you to cope with uncomfortable truths.

PP here and I didn't say it was universally true, but it happens often. So many stereotypes of the businessman the with secretary, the working dad with the nanny or housekeepers, the professor with the student, the mentor with the mentee - these don't just come from thin air.

It's just statistics. There are more "up" men than women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just thinking of recent high profile affairs in the news - past and present - but Benjamin millipied, david Beckham, schwartzneggers housekeeper, Sergei brins wife….
All their aps were less attractive than their spouse. Is there a pattern? Is this always the way?

Sergi Brin's first wife, anne Woitcski, CEO of 23 and me, is far less attractive than his second wife who, I think, is his second x.

And the young employee he was sleeping with on business trips was more attractive than both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just thinking of recent high profile affairs in the news - past and present - but Benjamin millipied, david Beckham, schwartzneggers housekeeper, Sergei brins wife….
All their aps were less attractive than their spouse. Is there a pattern? Is this always the way?

They marry for external beauty when young, then have an affair for skills when older.

[Anonymous]

But look at Brad Pitt…..

He left his wife, Jennifer Aniston for the younger, more beautiful Angelina Jolie.

Jenn was America’s Sweetheart 💘 in that cute, “Girl Next Door” sort of way but Angie was a sultry, sexy vixen-type of beauty.

[Anonymous]

Different rules apply in different situations.

ONS and no strings attached (people go down. But if they’re thinking of actually making her the next wife and potentially attaching strings or emotions (eg, Pitt) then they will affair evenly or up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But look at Brad Pitt…..

He left his wife, Jennifer Aniston for the younger, more beautiful Angelina Jolie.

Jenn was America’s Sweetheart 💘 in that cute, “Girl Next Door” sort of way but Angie was a sultry, sexy vixen-type of beauty.

Same with Elizabeth Taylor stealing Debbie reynolds husband

[Anonymous]

Some men cheat with fat women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I literally found comedic relief once I found out who my DH had a ONS with during a midlife crisis. I mean, it didn't make it hurt any less and we had a crapton of work to do in both IC and MC, but I actually laughed out loud when I found out.

Wow! Because of the absurdity of someone being willing to sleep with him? Or how far down he had to stoop to find someone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a rule of thumb, men cheat down, women cheat up.

Is this a reflection of market forces? Again anecdotally, there are more men looking for APs than women and so the connections that happen include the full range of women but mostly the top range of men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men affair down. The "lesser" women throw themselves at him in a way that makes him feel validated, desired, powerful, etc. They are eager to please him whether that's doing anything in bed or letting him call the boundaries and run the show. Also, in general, people who get involved with a married person likely have some sort of issue whether that's mental health, self worth, insecure, anxious attachment, previous abuse.

This just describes the human condition. For many if not most it is just entitlement and self-indulgence. It feels tidier to pathologize but infidelity is messy.