Anecdotal or is the AP always less attractive than the spouse?

[Anonymous]

Just thinking of recent high profile affairs in the news - past and present - but Benjamin millipied, david Beckham, schwartzneggers housekeeper, Sergei brins wife….
All their aps were less attractive than their spouse. Is there a pattern? Is this always the way?

[Anonymous]

Always? Like 100 percent?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the cheater was less attractive when they got married and their attractiveness grew over the years. Then it's hard to resist temptation that is much hotter than your dumpy spouse. This is the case in all three affairs I know the details of.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this is true. I work in finance in a firm where a lot of men have APs. The AP is either a lot younger than the wife, also better looking but it may be age related (the wife was probably as good looking when she was the same age). If they are not a lot younger, they are far more successful than the wife although similar in looks but more polished (most of the wives are SAHM so no need to look like that day to day).

But that is a subset of people who have affairs and the only ones that I know of. I am sure there are a lot of men who are just grabbing whoever they can get their hands on

[Anonymous]

In my case, much less. Also was not younger, sane age.

[Anonymous]

As a rule of thumb, men cheat down, women cheat up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this is true. I work in finance in a firm where a lot of men have APs. The AP is either a lot younger than the wife, also better looking but it may be age related (the wife was probably as good looking when she was the same age). If they are not a lot younger, they are far more successful than the wife although similar in looks but more polished (most of the wives are SAHM so no need to look like that day to day).

But that is a subset of people who have affairs and the only ones that I know of. I am sure there are a lot of men who are just grabbing whoever they can get their hands on

My experience is similar. I work in tech, so some execs are nerdy guys who married young before becoming successful. Now they have money (maybe not bezos money, but definitely some money). One CEO I worked for was seeing a woman about 25 years younger than him. Another CEO I worked for divorced his first wife for a younger woman who was a former model. Not as big an age gap as the first.

[Anonymous]

Pp here in tech. Also yes to the more worldly and polished version of the wife. One guy I work with left his wife for one of our top salespeople. She was the same age as the SAHM wife but as a successful salesperson, she came off as a much more energetic and worldly version of the wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just thinking of recent high profile affairs in the news - past and present - but Benjamin millipied, david Beckham, schwartzneggers housekeeper, Sergei brins wife….
All their aps were less attractive than their spouse. Is there a pattern? Is this always the way?

Sergi Brin's first wife, anne Woitcski, CEO of 23 and me, is far less attractive than his second wife who, I think, is his second x.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a rule of thumb, men cheat down, women cheat up.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just thinking of recent high profile affairs in the news - past and present - but Benjamin millipied, david Beckham, schwartzneggers housekeeper, Sergei brins wife….
All their aps were less attractive than their spouse. Is there a pattern? Is this always the way?

Sergi Brin's first wife, anne Woitcski, CEO of 23 and me, is far less attractive than his second wife who, I think, is his second x.

Not really, but arguable he married down in many aspects of the women besides their looks. Yes he divorced the 2nd one too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this is true. I work in finance in a firm where a lot of men have APs. The AP is either a lot younger than the wife, also better looking but it may be age related (the wife was probably as good looking when she was the same age). If they are not a lot younger, they are far more successful than the wife although similar in looks but more polished (most of the wives are SAHM so no need to look like that day to day).

But that is a subset of people who have affairs and the only ones that I know of. I am sure there are a lot of men who are just grabbing whoever they can get their hands on

I think it all depends on who you're exposed to. The one affair I know of from my social circle was about proximity and the woman being dtf, but she was not as pretty as the man's spouse. Newness can cover a lot of ground when it needs to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this is true. I work in finance in a firm where a lot of men have APs. The AP is either a lot younger than the wife, also better looking but it may be age related (the wife was probably as good looking when she was the same age). If they are not a lot younger, they are far more successful than the wife although similar in looks but more polished (most of the wives are SAHM so no need to look like that day to day).

But that is a subset of people who have affairs and the only ones that I know of. I am sure there are a lot of men who are just grabbing whoever they can get their hands on

I think it all depends on who you're exposed to. The one affair I know of from my social circle was about proximity and the woman being dtf, but she was not as pretty as the man's spouse. Newness can cover a lot of ground when it needs to.

Yeah. It’s variety. Men are notoriously not that picky.

[Anonymous]

Men affair down. The "lesser" women throw themselves at him in a way that makes him feel validated, desired, powerful, etc. They are eager to please him whether that's doing anything in bed or letting him call the boundaries and run the show. Also, in general, people who get involved with a married person likely have some sort of issue whether that's mental health, self worth, insecure, anxious attachment, previous abuse.

[Anonymous]

I literally found comedic relief once I found out who my DH had a ONS with during a midlife crisis. I mean, it didn't make it hurt any less and we had a crapton of work to do in both IC and MC, but I actually laughed out loud when I found out.