Why don’t elderly people “get” autism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because your mother is from a time when anyone different was institutionalized or otherwise not allowed to leave the house. She’s unwilling to accept the world has changed and she needs to as well.

No she's not. My dad is 75. I'm 45. I have a lot of severe learning disabilities and they just went mostly undiagnosed (except for ADD which just went untreated) but I was in public school through the 80's and part of the 90's. You're going back in time too far. OP's mother is just rigid and bitchy.

[Anonymous]

In earlier times it was much more common for children to have meltdowns in the grocery store. Grocery deliveries to homes did not exist. Parents had to take their kids with them to get groceries. When meltdowns happened the parent would be apologetic to the grocery clerk and those around them. It is really a matter of the parent having common courtesy to those around them in the community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m at a loss with my mother. She’s in her mid-70s. I was out at the grocery store with her and we were in line when she caught the eye of one of two little boys in line behind her. The first boy carried on a short conversation with her, and then she moved on to converse with the other boy, only this caused him to have a mini-meltdown, stomping, pulling his hair and loudly screaming NO! NO! NO! at my mother. The mother of the boy simply tried to calm the boy down and ignored my mother.

In the car my mother couldn’t believe how the boy had “treated her”, and chastised the mother for not correcting him or apologizing for him. “She just let him act that way and speak to me like that!” I attempted to explain that he was likely autistic, or otherwise differently-abled, but she wasn’t having it.

Why are they so clueless about these disabilities yet claim to know everything about literally anything else?

Because maybe she’s tired of bad behavior being treated as a disability, or of autism being the diagnosis kids with bad social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My question is: why are some people so ageist?

OP this is about your mother. Not about legions of older adults. Get a clue. Also, it's "older adults" not "elderly people."

Finally, you are just like your mom. You want her to have compassion, yet you have none for her.

I agree with your comment about ageism insofar as OP is projecting her mother's behavior onto all elderly people.

But your admonishment about using the term elderly is inappropriate; elderly is the clinical term for anyone 65 years of age or older, 65-74 is early elderly, 74+ is late elderly. There is nothing wrong or insulting about the word elderly, it is the proper term for late stage human existence.

[Anonymous]

My mom is 72 and is struggling to wrap her head around it. If we encounter a kid with really textbook stims or something, she'll ask me about it later "Was that someone with autism? Is that what it's like?". She never gets annoyed or is judgey, she's empathetic to the parents. She'll also ask me about school classmates of mine in the 80s and 90s and it's like the light's going on for her about their behaviors and how they really didn't get anywhere near the help they should have received. I try to coach her on appropriate terminology etc. But it's a new thing for her.

[Anonymous]

Team your Mom here.

Your Mom grew up in an era when the elderly were respected. Young Mom's would have been apologetic to those around them if their kid had a meltdown in the grocery store.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she thinks identifying a child you don’t know as autistic or disabled because of a “mini-meltdown” is ridiculous?

[Anonymous]

She's in her 70s. You're not going to teach this old dog new tricks. Is this your first encounter with someone of that age group?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team your Mom here.

Your Mom grew up in an era when the elderly were respected. Young Mom's would have been apologetic to those around them if their kid had a meltdown in the grocery store.

You mean, when the elderly were respected and children with special needs were hidden away.

[Anonymous]

Let's out it this way OP, I've had a friend since the 1980s, and I only found out 5 years ago that she had an older brother who has autism. Never knew, they got him out of their house asap.

Back in the day these kids would have been hidden at home, or severely disciplined or apologized for. Times have changed and your mom is not used to it.

[Anonymous]

At the very least, this mom should have a phrase to say to people when the boy acts this way. “I apologize. He has some challenges we we working through” or whatever. And I say this as a mom of a child with ADHD who is prone to bouts of inappropriate behavior. It’s odd to me the mother didn’t apologize for her child’s behavior and I think that is the main issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the very least, this mom should have a phrase to say to people when the boy acts this way. “I apologize. He has some challenges we we working through” or whatever. And I say this as a mom of a child with ADHD who is prone to bouts of inappropriate behavior. It’s odd to me the mother didn’t apologize for her child’s behavior and I think that is the main issue.

Honestly, I'm not in this parenting situation myself, but I think if strangers decide to chat with random children they get what they get. Calming my child would have been more important than yelling an apology over his cries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the very least, this mom should have a phrase to say to people when the boy acts this way. “I apologize. He has some challenges we we working through” or whatever. And I say this as a mom of a child with ADHD who is prone to bouts of inappropriate behavior. It’s odd to me the mother didn’t apologize for her child’s behavior and I think that is the main issue.

Honestly, I'm not in this parenting situation myself, but I think if strangers decide to chat with random children they get what they get. Calming my child would have been more important than yelling an apology over his cries.

PP here and I agree, we don’t owe anyone anything, this is true. But I often feel it appropriate, especially if I can even just mouth “I’m sorry”. Just throwing out my perspective as someone who has been there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My question is: why are some people so ageist?

OP this is about your mother. Not about legions of older adults. Get a clue. Also, it's "older adults" not "elderly people."

Finally, you are just like your mom. You want her to have compassion, yet you have none for her.

Your mom isn’t exactly wrong. This kid had an huge, violent loud meltdown because she was trying to make nice small chat with him. That can be off putting for anyone. At least now she knows to not try to speak to little kids in any capacity like she used to. Win-win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is: why are some people so ageist?

OP this is about your mother. Not about legions of older adults. Get a clue. Also, it's "older adults" not "elderly people."

Finally, you are just like your mom. You want her to have compassion, yet you have none for her.

Your mom isn’t exactly wrong. This kid had an huge, violent loud meltdown because she was trying to make nice small chat with him. That can be off putting for anyone. At least now she knows to not try to speak to little kids in any capacity like she used to. Win-win.

If she's gonna get all spun up over a kid getting upset, that's probably for the best. Maybe she needs some therapies to help her develop flexibility and cope with deviations from routine.