Widowed dad wants to date again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad started dating about 3 months after my mom died. He dated age approximately through online apps, which made him VERY popular. He literally could have a different lunch date and dinner date every day if he wanted (he was 66).

He remarried which is a huge pain from a money perspective. I wished they just lived together.

66? That's YOUNG. Of course he should date and marry if he wants to.

[Anonymous]

3 days after my mom's funeral (she was only 50), my dad told me he met someone new and didn't care if he ever saw me or my brother again. Good times.

In the good news department, if your dad plays his cards right, he will get a nurse and/or a purse. In the bad news department, many men basically abandon the original family and just hang with the new wife's grandkids, etc.

[Anonymous]

My dad started Dating someone a couple of months after my mom died. It didn’t bother me in the slightest. But my brother was quite put out, claiming it was “too soon”. Too soon for whom, I wondered?

I am not counting on any inheritance, though he is wealthy, it is his money and up to him to decide how to spend it. Of course I would be worried if I thought someone was taking advantage of him. But as long as he is compos mentis there is nothing I could do anyway. Let him have some fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, it's hard. The only thing that makes me feel better is that he is much, much safer with her checking on him every day and accompanying him on outings. She's conscientious about tripping hazards, diet, medical stuff, etc. If he were alone and lonely, that would be hard for me in a different way. There's no non-hard option with aging parents.

She sounds like a nurse not a romantic partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup, it's hard. The only thing that makes me feel better is that he is much, much safer with her checking on him every day and accompanying him on outings. She's conscientious about tripping hazards, diet, medical stuff, etc. If he were alone and lonely, that would be hard for me in a different way. There's no non-hard option with aging parents.

She sounds like a nurse not a romantic partner.

Well, she's a bit younger and healthier, so kinda. But they're very lovey-dovey so I wouldn't say it isn't romantic. I wasn't a fan of him dating at first, but now I take a lot of comfort knowing she is monitoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him dating and cohabitating is fine but don't get married. Check on wills/trusts and if he does get married insist on a pre-nup.

Your tone sounds like the man is her child instead of her father.

He has rights, as an autonomous adult. She can have preferences but I hope she is more respectful than you PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him dating and cohabitating is fine but don't get married. Check on wills/trusts and if he does get married insist on a pre-nup.

It's not the adult child's prerogative. It's the Dad's decision to make.

My Dh's dad got engaged just a few months after Dh's mom died. Dh's sister tried to insist that FIL get a prenup but FIL refused. Nothing his adult kids could do about it.

Sort of disagree. A lot of the time it was half their former wife’s money. And the dead wife wanted money to go to kids once he passed. Instead new younger wife usually gets it all and wills it to only her children once she dies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him dating and cohabitating is fine but don't get married. Check on wills/trusts and if he does get married insist on a pre-nup.

It's not the adult child's prerogative. It's the Dad's decision to make.

My Dh's dad got engaged just a few months after Dh's mom died. Dh's sister tried to insist that FIL get a prenup but FIL refused. Nothing his adult kids could do about it.

Sort of disagree. A lot of the time it was half their former wife’s money. And the dead wife wanted money to go to kids once he passed. Instead new younger wife usually gets it all and wills it to only her children once she dies.

Sort of disagree? It's not about opinion, it's a fact. OP has no legal right to "insist" on any legal matters for her Dad, since he is still of sound mind and she does not have any type of guardianship over him.

My MIL actually told FIL on her deathbed that she didn't want him to remarry because she "didn't want someone else to enjoy the money she had worked so hard for." Yet, he was engaged less than 4 months later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him dating and cohabitating is fine but don't get married. Check on wills/trusts and if he does get married insist on a pre-nup.

It's not the adult child's prerogative. It's the Dad's decision to make.

My Dh's dad got engaged just a few months after Dh's mom died. Dh's sister tried to insist that FIL get a prenup but FIL refused. Nothing his adult kids could do about it.

Sort of disagree. A lot of the time it was half their former wife’s money. And the dead wife wanted money to go to kids once he passed. Instead new younger wife usually gets it all and wills it to only her children once she dies.

Sort of disagree? It's not about opinion, it's a fact. OP has no legal right to "insist" on any legal matters for her Dad, since he is still of sound mind and she does not have any type of guardianship over him.

My MIL actually told FIL on her deathbed that she didn't want him to remarry because she "didn't want someone else to enjoy the money she had worked so hard for." Yet, he was engaged less than 4 months later.

This is why my assets are going into a trust for our kids if I predecease DH. I want him to be happy and remarry, if that's what he wants, but I also don't want money to be diverted away from our children.

[Anonymous]

My dad died about 3 years ago and my mom has started dating again. She's 74. Honestly I'm happy for her. She has friends but she's definitely struggled with loneliness. I'd be thrilled if she found someone to go out to dinner and tbe movies with and take vacations with. She probably has 10 years left and I want her to enjoy them.

I do get where you're coming from, but maybe if you reframe your thinking about this it will help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 days after my mom's funeral (she was only 50), my dad told me he met someone new and didn't care if he ever saw me or my brother again. Good times.

In the good news department, if your dad plays his cards right, he will get a nurse and/or a purse. In the bad news department, many men basically abandon the original family and just hang with the new wife's grandkids, etc.

Did the “didn't care if he ever saw” you comment come before or after you presumably judged him for his decision?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 days after my mom's funeral (she was only 50), my dad told me he met someone new and didn't care if he ever saw me or my brother again. Good times.

In the good news department, if your dad plays his cards right, he will get a nurse and/or a purse. In the bad news department, many men basically abandon the original family and just hang with the new wife's grandkids, etc.

Did the “didn't care if he ever saw” you comment come before or after you presumably judged him for his decision?

I'm not the PP you quoted, but I'm the poster whose FIL did something very similar.
Really? You don't think starting to date within days of your spouse's funeral is judgment worthy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 days after my mom's funeral (she was only 50), my dad told me he met someone new and didn't care if he ever saw me or my brother again. Good times.

In the good news department, if your dad plays his cards right, he will get a nurse and/or a purse. In the bad news department, many men basically abandon the original family and just hang with the new wife's grandkids, etc.

Did the “didn't care if he ever saw” you comment come before or after you presumably judged him for his decision?

NP. Oh come on. Don’t be deliberately daft.

[Anonymous]

Having BTDT, yeah its f%cking weird. And at times feels like you are seeing your mom get cheated on, or at a minimum, her memory erased.
It is tough.

But the best advice I have: [i] this is not about you. [i]

After getting over the initial shock, tears and internal conflict, it is nice to see my Dad happy and in love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him dating and cohabitating is fine but don't get married. Check on wills/trusts and if he does get married insist on a pre-nup.

It's not the adult child's prerogative. It's the Dad's decision to make.

My Dh's dad got engaged just a few months after Dh's mom died. Dh's sister tried to insist that FIL get a prenup but FIL refused. Nothing his adult kids could do about it.

Sort of disagree. A lot of the time it was half their former wife’s money. And the dead wife wanted money to go to kids once he passed. Instead new younger wife usually gets it all and wills it to only her children once she dies.

Sort of disagree? It's not about opinion, it's a fact. OP has no legal right to "insist" on any legal matters for her Dad, since he is still of sound mind and she does not have any type of guardianship over him.

My MIL actually told FIL on her deathbed that she didn't want him to remarry because she "didn't want someone else to enjoy the money she had worked so hard for." Yet, he was engaged less than 4 months later.

This is why my assets are going into a trust for our kids if I predecease DH. I want him to be happy and remarry, if that's what he wants, but I also don't want money to be diverted away from our children.

We’ve done the same thing. If either of us dies, half the marital estate goes immediately into an irrevocable trust that benefits the kids. Now, we are both the trustees, but my kids are old enough now to know they are beneficiaries and so if for some reason one of us loses our marbles and gets taken advantage by a gold digger in old age, the kids have legal ground to challenge.