Widowed dad wants to date again

[Anonymous]

My rational self knows this is healthy and good for him. My mom died two years ago. It's not like he was a swinging single the day after she died.
Emotionally and mentally, it's a weird adjustment. Any advice for people who've BTDT?

[Anonymous]

Be happy your dad waited two years. My dad waited ... maybe a year?

Today is two years since my mother died. Three months after my mom had died my father wasn't wearing his wedding ring anymore. It was jarring to see that.

My advice is, understand that relationships at the boomer-age move more quickly than relationships in our 20's and 30's. They have a lot more life experience, and know what they want. Also, get your dad to firm up his will and all that stuff while dating is theoretical and there's not a woman in his life who he thinks he's in love with.

[Anonymous]

How old is he ?

[Anonymous]

Yup, it's hard. The only thing that makes me feel better is that he is much, much safer with her checking on him every day and accompanying him on outings. She's conscientious about tripping hazards, diet, medical stuff, etc. If he were alone and lonely, that would be hard for me in a different way. There's no non-hard option with aging parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is he ?

77

[Anonymous]

Tell him dating and cohabitating is fine but don't get married. Check on wills/trusts and if he does get married insist on a pre-nup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him dating and cohabitating is fine but don't get married. Check on wills/trusts and if he does get married insist on a pre-nup.

Why? It’s his money to do with as he wishes. This would be completely gauche.

[Anonymous]

I would just internally acknowledge your feelings to yourself and perhaps a therapist, and then try to be understanding towards him, and polite to anyone he dates.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is he ?

77

oh girl, he doesn't have that much longer to live. Be happy for him to spend the remaining years with a companion.

[Anonymous]

It's the responsibility of an adult child to protect their parent from fraud, scams, and abusive relationships. Unfortunately there are sick people out there who would take advantage of an elderly widower. Be on your guard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him dating and cohabitating is fine but don't get married. Check on wills/trusts and if he does get married insist on a pre-nup.

It's not the adult child's prerogative. It's the Dad's decision to make.

My Dh's dad got engaged just a few months after Dh's mom died. Dh's sister tried to insist that FIL get a prenup but FIL refused. Nothing his adult kids could do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, it's hard. The only thing that makes me feel better is that he is much, much safer with her checking on him every day and accompanying him on outings. She's conscientious about tripping hazards, diet, medical stuff, etc. If he were alone and lonely, that would be hard for me in a different way. There's no non-hard option with aging parents.

This. We hated every minute of 75yo widowed dad dating a woman 15yrs younger. But in retrospect it was better than him weeping for my beloved mom all the time, which he'd been doing. The relationship ended and the girlfriend raised concerns about his mental status. It turned out to be Alzheimers and I wish I could have been more generous this weird period. It still would have ended as it did, but after the fact, I realized he needed not to be alone. No judgment OP, just giving you the hard-earned perspective of someone who didn't get it quite right.

[Anonymous]

Talk to an attorney about creating a living trust and best ways to protect his assets then take your father to talk to the attorney.

[Anonymous]

My dad started dating about 3 months after my mom died. He dated age approximately through online apps, which made him VERY popular. He literally could have a different lunch date and dinner date every day if he wanted (he was 66).

He remarried which is a huge pain from a money perspective. I wished they just lived together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, it's hard. The only thing that makes me feel better is that he is much, much safer with her checking on him every day and accompanying him on outings. She's conscientious about tripping hazards, diet, medical stuff, etc. If he were alone and lonely, that would be hard for me in a different way. There's no non-hard option with aging parents.

Very true.