Are some people just cheerful, or is she being fake?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend is like this and it is 100% genuine. She's been called fake a lot and been mocked. Its sad that we are at a point of people being suspicious of happy and cheerful people

I am naturally cheerful and have had a hard time living in the DC area. People make fun of me for saying hello to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people need to stop calling others fake. It takes so much energy and effort to put on an act, PP. 99.99% of people aren't going to do that. They might exaggerate part of their personality for the workplace if they find it works for them... but it's not fake in the sense that they already have tendencies to be that way naturally.

I would have to fake it. That's why I worried.

You "would have", so you wouldn't actually fake it, because it's too much work. And why do you need to worry, even if she's putting on act? This is just a transaction, OP. You're not seeking a life partner here. Why are you expending this much mind space on your contractor's personality? You look like the weird one, here, not her.

I am worried I won't get honest feedback from someone who might not be honest with her personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people need to stop calling others fake. It takes so much energy and effort to put on an act, PP. 99.99% of people aren't going to do that. They might exaggerate part of their personality for the workplace if they find it works for them... but it's not fake in the sense that they already have tendencies to be that way naturally.

I would have to fake it. That's why I worried.

You "would have", so you wouldn't actually fake it, because it's too much work. And why do you need to worry, even if she's putting on act? This is just a transaction, OP. You're not seeking a life partner here. Why are you expending this much mind space on your contractor's personality? You look like the weird one, here, not her.

I am worried I won't get honest feedback from someone who might not be honest with her personality.

(She's an editor.)

[Anonymous]

It takes too much work to tamp down one's personality so I think she's being genuine.

As long as she does a good job, why would you care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people need to stop calling others fake. It takes so much energy and effort to put on an act, PP. 99.99% of people aren't going to do that. They might exaggerate part of their personality for the workplace if they find it works for them... but it's not fake in the sense that they already have tendencies to be that way naturally.

I would have to fake it. That's why I worried.

You "would have", so you wouldn't actually fake it, because it's too much work. And why do you need to worry, even if she's putting on act? This is just a transaction, OP. You're not seeking a life partner here. Why are you expending this much mind space on your contractor's personality? You look like the weird one, here, not her.

I am worried I won't get honest feedback from someone who might not be honest with her personality.

(She's an editor.)

In that case, she wouldn't be doing a good job. Personality is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Is she not originally from the Northeast? Y'all are kind of grumpy as a rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people need to stop calling others fake. It takes so much energy and effort to put on an act, PP. 99.99% of people aren't going to do that. They might exaggerate part of their personality for the workplace if they find it works for them... but it's not fake in the sense that they already have tendencies to be that way naturally.

I would have to fake it. That's why I worried.

You "would have", so you wouldn't actually fake it, because it's too much work. And why do you need to worry, even if she's putting on act? This is just a transaction, OP. You're not seeking a life partner here. Why are you expending this much mind space on your contractor's personality? You look like the weird one, here, not her.

I am worried I won't get honest feedback from someone who might not be honest with her personality.

(She's an editor.)

In that case, she wouldn't be doing a good job. Personality is irrelevant.

Sure, but if she's being dishonest about one thing, how would I KNOW she's being honest about my work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think often that level of enthusiasm is often faked cheeriness, but I don't think that means she "manipulated" you into hiring her. It might just mean that this is the work persona she's adopted because it helps her get through the day, or she's found people respond better to it, or she's masking other things. She might be "faking it til she makes it" or using cheerfulness to deal with burnout. You don't know.

Some people may genuinely be like this, though I also think if it feels fake, it probably is. I think you can intuit when someone isn't being genuine.

I only mind fake friendliness when there's a dark side to it. Like I've met people who are very fake friendly and cheerful and then it turns out they are major gossips. This actually is manipulative because they sometimes get you to open up more due to their cheerfulness, and then will share everything you say with other people. But then the issue is not that they are fake cheerful, it's that they are gossips. On it's own, fake cheerfulness is pretty harmless and could actually be nice.

This- I'd be skeptical about her intentions and wary of opening up to her, except she's not your client or your boss, you are her boss so you get to manipulate her not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people need to stop calling others fake. It takes so much energy and effort to put on an act, PP. 99.99% of people aren't going to do that. They might exaggerate part of their personality for the workplace if they find it works for them... but it's not fake in the sense that they already have tendencies to be that way naturally.

I would have to fake it. That's why I worried.

You "would have", so you wouldn't actually fake it, because it's too much work. And why do you need to worry, even if she's putting on act? This is just a transaction, OP. You're not seeking a life partner here. Why are you expending this much mind space on your contractor's personality? You look like the weird one, here, not her.

I am worried I won't get honest feedback from someone who might not be honest with her personality.

She will give you honest feedback, but if she's usually very positive, bear in mind that she might couch criticism so constructively that you will have to pay attention to what she wants you to change.

My kids have had music teachers and academic tutors like this. They've learned to listen and pay attention to what actually needs to change, even when it's delivered like this, I kid you not: "Wow! This was very very good! Really very very very very very very good! Now if I can just hear that again, with a tiny bit more vibrato on the E string and articulation at the end of the phrase! But otherwise you did such a wonderful job!...!!!" (Large smile, sparkling eyes, all friendship and enthusiasm). Some people are like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people need to stop calling others fake. It takes so much energy and effort to put on an act, PP. 99.99% of people aren't going to do that. They might exaggerate part of their personality for the workplace if they find it works for them... but it's not fake in the sense that they already have tendencies to be that way naturally.

I would have to fake it. That's why I worried.

You "would have", so you wouldn't actually fake it, because it's too much work. And why do you need to worry, even if she's putting on act? This is just a transaction, OP. You're not seeking a life partner here. Why are you expending this much mind space on your contractor's personality? You look like the weird one, here, not her.

I am worried I won't get honest feedback from someone who might not be honest with her personality.

She will give you honest feedback, but if she's usually very positive, bear in mind that she might couch criticism so constructively that you will have to pay attention to what she wants you to change.

My kids have had music teachers and academic tutors like this. They've learned to listen and pay attention to what actually needs to change, even when it's delivered like this, I kid you not: "Wow! This was very very good! Really very very very very very very good! Now if I can just hear that again, with a tiny bit more vibrato on the E string and articulation at the end of the phrase! But otherwise you did such a wonderful job!...!!!" (Large smile, sparkling eyes, all friendship and enthusiasm). Some people are like that.

This is fair (and your example is exactly what she's like). Thanks.

[Anonymous]

She may just not be very smart and therefore she has more reason to be cheerful than most of us smart ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You decide how you are, she decides how she is, you don't approve of her choice. she isn't letting your choice bother her. You are letting her choice bother you.

+1

Well said!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may just not be very smart and therefore she has more reason to be cheerful than most of us smart ones.

Such a strange thing to say!

OP, I have noticed people who are from the DC/MD/VA area are less trustful, and maybe a little more bitter, for whatever real or perceived reason. They also tend to pride themselves on being "introverts". My friends who have resided all around the world (or at least all around the nation!) tend to take themselves less seriously, be more accepting of all kinds of people (including egads, extroverts!), and are more live and let live types - which I did not understand until having lived elsewhere for a short period.

Point being, not everything is about you, and the smartest people I know are also good with people (including being personable and friendly) - I try to learn from them, instead of being paranoid and accusatory. Try it!

[Anonymous]

Fire her immediately and hire someone that tells you everything is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fire her immediately and hire someone that tells you everything is wrong.

This is what I want. So am I wrong to be concerned?