Dad needs a nightly phone call. Sometimes not doable...

[Anonymous]

You see him 4-5 times a week, I think it’s totally reasonable to tell him you can’t call every day. Maybe tell him you’ll do your best to call on a few specific days, but bedtime is hectic and as the kids get older and get into activities, it will only be worse. If he lived across the country and you never saw him, maybe you should suck it up and call more. But like he seems the kids Tuesday afternoon and then still wants you to call that night?? Maybe tell him you will call on days you don’t see him?

[Anonymous]

Text him a photo every night instead like a PP suggested.

[Anonymous]

Can you make a short video at sometime during the day that you can send him at night?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for suggestions all - regarding texting and video - it's not enough. He wants to hear our voices.

[Anonymous]

Can you do it earlier and pair it with another chore? Washing dishes? Commuting to work? Waiting on a kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you do it earlier and pair it with another chore? Washing dishes? Commuting to work? Waiting on a kid?

By the way, I wouldn't do it. But my emotional circumstances are pretty different than yours. My parents did this kind of thing to me all the time when I was a kid (use me as an emotional life preserver) that I just cannot do it now, even though now is probably the time to do it.

[Anonymous]

Our DC loves to call the grand parent. They talk while I get things done and get my shower. It works great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you do it earlier and pair it with another chore? Washing dishes? Commuting to work? Waiting on a kid?

Yeah I’d try to do it this way. Call when you are in the car driving home from work or on the way to soccer practice. Your dad also probably needs to just get out and socially more. Your family can’t be your dad’s entire social life.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't need it, he wants it. Figure out what is a reasonable boundary that won't drive you nuts and set it. Don't explain. You need to be self assured. Show empathy and then let him know what you can do. If he complains, then I would strongly suggest he find more forms of support like a support group, therapy, social activities.

Remember you don't want to enable. I promise you this will not end with him needing a nightly call. The neediness increases exponentially when you don't set boundaries. It is best for his mental health and brain health to have social outlets beyond family. He needs to be forming bonds that are give and take not just getting people who feel guilty to meet his needs.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he needs a dog.

[Anonymous]

Have compassion and try to find a way to help him out. Maybe the kids can’t do it every night but you could call him for a quick check in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to draw a boundary that nightly calls are difficult with active kids- he must remember that?

But maybe you could send him a nightly text with a photo? Yes, it's perfunctory, but if it eases his mind.

I wonder if he feels so alone in the house that he feels like he needs a check in. Like anxiety could make him spiral - if no one calls me at night I could die alone and no one would know - sort of thoughts like that? In which case a perfunctory check the box - that isn't a disruptive phone call - might be just what you need to do.

Oh, OP, that is so sad, but I agree I could never commit to a nightly call. I was going to suggest telling your dad that you can't call nightly, but you can connect - by either sending a photo, a text, calling just you, calling with the kids, sending a video, etc. And then what I would do is pre-record some videos with the kids to have on hand when I was in an absolute pinch to send to dad.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he is super lonely. That’s a problem you should help with as his kid. It doesn’t need to be nightly phone calls but what CAN you do for him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you do it earlier and pair it with another chore? Washing dishes? Commuting to work? Waiting on a kid?

Yeah I’d try to do it this way. Call when you are in the car driving home from work or on the way to soccer practice. Your dad also probably needs to just get out and socially more. Your family can’t be your dad’s entire social life.

This approach seems reasonable to me - I don’t know your Dad’s age/ability connect with others but maybe your family is all the social life he still has. I’m sure we all hope that won’t be our situation one day, but if it is, I also hope my kids would find a way to respond to this need (and I appreciate OP that you seems to see him frequently), but perhaps this won’t seem like such a burden in retrospect when he’s no longer around.

[Anonymous]

My kids are lucky then. I don’t want daily calls from my kids. As long as I know they are okay, I am all good.