If the affair ended badly …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were dumped and nasty things were said to you and the AP cut off all contact and said to never try to contact you again, do you regret the affair? Did it make you feel like a whore and/or make you think the person was lying about most everything the entire affair just to have sex?

Yes. But I kind of felt that way at times during the affair because he always praised his wife while I was unhappy in my marriage. I did start feeling used some times. Things got more robotic and after time he didn’t act as ‘loving”, rather “let’s get on with it”.

It was obvious he was never going to leave her. I caught feelings. Looking back, I do now wonder if any bit of it was ever real. It was an ugly exit.

[Anonymous]

Yeah. Thought it meant more than it did to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were dumped and nasty things were said to you and the AP cut off all contact and said to never try to contact you again, do you regret the affair? Did it make you feel like a whore and/or make you think the person was lying about most everything the entire affair just to have sex?

Yes. But I kind of felt that way at times during the affair because he always praised his wife while I was unhappy in my marriage. I did start feeling used some times. Things got more robotic and after time he didn’t act as ‘loving”, rather “let’s get on with it”.

It was obvious he was never going to leave her. I caught feelings. Looking back, I do now wonder if any bit of it was ever real. It was an ugly exit.

If 99% of your time in person was in a bedroom rarely taken out in public and 99% of the 'meet ups' were for s*x, I think you have your answer of what you were being used for. I wouldn't think it should come as a surprise when that novelty wore off, you got dumped. I think it would be pretty hard to hear how great the spouse was--not sure why anyone would still have feelings if that was the message you were getting. Or, maybe you were hoping you could change his mind, which is a fool's errand. The cautionary tale is real. If your marriage is unhappy fix it or get out. Don't attempt an exit affair and act like a dishonest, Ho with no morals. Just get your life together and sh*t or get off the pot. Quit shopping around with other women's husbands...who are cheaters like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My read on this is that he started an affair with you to have sex. He grew to dislike you and wanted out, hence the nasty things he said on the way out. You should regret having an affair with a married man whether it ended this way or not. In this case, you got exactly what you deserved. You are both gross.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

Seriously? No contact is so incredibly cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

Seriously? No contact is so incredibly cruel.

So is cheating on your spouse or banging someone else's husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

Is this what happened to you, OP? If that's OP, above.

Sounds like a case of true colors showing at the end. Nasty statements are an easy and effective way to push the other person away quickly and definitively. Rather than wasting time lying about "it's not you, it's me" and "letting you down gently" as the saying goes, it's simpler to be honest and just blow everything up sometimes. Unless the other person decides to take revenge by outing the affair to the wronged spouse, of course....

+1 This is the answer. He didn’t want any follow-up contact or give you any lingering hope. Men often aren’t very gracious with break-ups even when they are single. Your memories are your own. The whole relationship was “unreal” so choose to live in reality for your next one. Value yourself and avoid reliving and over-analyzing every moment. Affairs rarely “end well.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

Is this what happened to you, OP? If that's OP, above.

Sounds like a case of true colors showing at the end. Nasty statements are an easy and effective way to push the other person away quickly and definitively. Rather than wasting time lying about "it's not you, it's me" and "letting you down gently" as the saying goes, it's simpler to be honest and just blow everything up sometimes. Unless the other person decides to take revenge by outing the affair to the wronged spouse, of course....

+1 This is the answer. He didn’t want any follow-up contact or give you any lingering hope. Men often aren’t very gracious with break-ups even when they are single. Your memories are your own. The whole relationship was “unreal” so choose to live in reality for your next one. Value yourself and avoid reliving and over-analyzing every moment. Affairs rarely “end well.”

A lot of women are clingers and affairs are usually push and pull, dramatic. Telling them off at the end and being mean is a way to end it for good. No more. You see your worth to them in that moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret the affair, but not because of how it ended (and in my case, it ended really violently, and there is a restraining order in place so that we don’t contact each other again).

I regret not having the emotional skills to identify and address my own issues. All the affair did was exacerbate an already bad situation, and the whole thing could have been avoided, had I been a more emotionally developed person.

I don’t feel like a whore, because I didn’t take money or anything of value in exchange for sex. We were both lying, because affairs are lies, but I wasn’t being used for sex. The whole thing would have been easier to end had it just been sex.

We? Is it against you? You were dumped? Were you both married??

No it’s against him. But I have no desire to contact him. I ended it. He took the breakup badly.

Did you have any inkling that he might turn violent? Was his messiness a surprise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

Before that, did you really think that an adulterous husband was some stand up guy? A catch?

Please don't give someone else the power to define what you think of yourself.

Own your own actions, regardless of what those around you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

Is this what happened to you, OP? If that's OP, above.

Sounds like a case of true colors showing at the end. Nasty statements are an easy and effective way to push the other person away quickly and definitively. Rather than wasting time lying about "it's not you, it's me" and "letting you down gently" as the saying goes, it's simpler to be honest and just blow everything up sometimes. Unless the other person decides to take revenge by outing the affair to the wronged spouse, of course....

Sometimes they see it as an only option when the “I’m busy” and the ignoring of texts/messages isn’t delivering the message adequately. Person keeps hanging on. Frustration builds and they set off the bomb and cut contact. They likely had been trying to leave without a scene for fear gi a bunny boiler but in the end just went for it.

Men could avoid all the fury if they had an ounce of finesse. Women hate to be ghosted- they’re communicators, especially an emotional AP who is about to dumped. Men just need to prep things a bit: you’re feeling guilty and talking to your pastor, you are going to marital counseling, etc. Treat her with a little respect and buy her a parting gift. Let her walk away with her dignity intact and not like a sheet of used Kleenex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

Is this what happened to you, OP? If that's OP, above.

Sounds like a case of true colors showing at the end. Nasty statements are an easy and effective way to push the other person away quickly and definitively. Rather than wasting time lying about "it's not you, it's me" and "letting you down gently" as the saying goes, it's simpler to be honest and just blow everything up sometimes. Unless the other person decides to take revenge by outing the affair to the wronged spouse, of course....

Sometimes they see it as an only option when the “I’m busy” and the ignoring of texts/messages isn’t delivering the message adequately. Person keeps hanging on. Frustration builds and they set off the bomb and cut contact. They likely had been trying to leave without a scene for fear gi a bunny boiler but in the end just went for it.

Men could avoid all the fury if they had an ounce of finesse. Women hate to be ghosted- they’re communicators, especially an emotional AP who is about to dumped. Men just need to prep things a bit: you’re feeling guilty and talking to your pastor, you are going to marital counseling, etc. Treat her with a little respect and buy her a parting gift. Let her walk away with her dignity intact and not like a sheet of used Kleenex.

She wouldn’t take the hint and kept coming back—- telling her off was the only way to finally get the point across and then cutting off all means of former communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

Before that, did you really think that an adulterous husband was some stand up guy? A catch?

Please don't give someone else the power to define what you think of yourself.

Own your own actions, regardless of what those around you do.

I believe she is married too. So she should think of herself that way. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

Is this what happened to you, OP? If that's OP, above.

Sounds like a case of true colors showing at the end. Nasty statements are an easy and effective way to push the other person away quickly and definitively. Rather than wasting time lying about "it's not you, it's me" and "letting you down gently" as the saying goes, it's simpler to be honest and just blow everything up sometimes. Unless the other person decides to take revenge by outing the affair to the wronged spouse, of course....

Sometimes they see it as an only option when the “I’m busy” and the ignoring of texts/messages isn’t delivering the message adequately. Person keeps hanging on. Frustration builds and they set off the bomb and cut contact. They likely had been trying to leave without a scene for fear gi a bunny boiler but in the end just went for it.

Men could avoid all the fury if they had an ounce of finesse. Women hate to be ghosted- they’re communicators, especially an emotional AP who is about to dumped. Men just need to prep things a bit: you’re feeling guilty and talking to your pastor, you are going to marital counseling, etc. Treat her with a little respect and buy her a parting gift. Let her walk away with her dignity intact and not like a sheet of used Kleenex.

That is a lot of work and a man willing to do that level of emotional work is probably getting all the sex and adoration that he could ever want from his actual wife. And call me crazy but I’m one who believes a lot of men who cheat are actually in sexless if not unhappy marriages, I say that because I was in a sexless marriage for a long time and I can’t imagine the man babies walking amongst us could tolerate that level of discomfort.