If the affair ended badly …

[Anonymous]

If you were dumped and nasty things were said to you and the AP cut off all contact and said to never try to contact you again, do you regret the affair? Did it make you feel like a whore and/or make you think the person was lying about most everything the entire affair just to have sex?

[Anonymous]

I regret the affair, but not because of how it ended (and in my case, it ended really violently, and there is a restraining order in place so that we don’t contact each other again).

I regret not having the emotional skills to identify and address my own issues. All the affair did was exacerbate an already bad situation, and the whole thing could have been avoided, had I been a more emotionally developed person.

I don’t feel like a whore, because I didn’t take money or anything of value in exchange for sex. We were both lying, because affairs are lies, but I wasn’t being used for sex. The whole thing would have been easier to end had it just been sex.

[Anonymous]

^ I didn’t mean just because it ended that way.

I meant if they said those things to you, did you feel duped? I guess I’m thinking of situations where one party has true feelings and expressing hope it goes somewhere and then to have it blow up in their face and get dumped and told off—-to see how one-sided it actually was the whole time.

[Anonymous]

I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I regret the affair, but not because of how it ended (and in my case, it ended really violently, and there is a restraining order in place so that we don’t contact each other again).

I regret not having the emotional skills to identify and address my own issues. All the affair did was exacerbate an already bad situation, and the whole thing could have been avoided, had I been a more emotionally developed person.

I don’t feel like a whore, because I didn’t take money or anything of value in exchange for sex. We were both lying, because affairs are lies, but I wasn’t being used for sex. The whole thing would have been easier to end had it just been sex.

We? Is it against you? You were dumped? Were you both married??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

Hopefully you no longer “date” married men.

[Anonymous]

My read on this is that he started an affair with you to have sex. He grew to dislike you and wanted out, hence the nasty things he said on the way out. You should regret having an affair with a married man whether it ended this way or not. In this case, you got exactly what you deserved. You are both gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

I would have been heartbroken if he got nasty. Sorry he did that to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My read on this is that he started an affair with you to have sex. He grew to dislike you and wanted out, hence the nasty things he said on the way out. You should regret having an affair with a married man whether it ended this way or not. In this case, you got exactly what you deserved. You are both gross.

+100 if you both were in it for sex and you lied and had feelings—-what did you expect? You flipped the script and then we’re satisfied with believing lies and hoping his wife would die or he’d divorce her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My read on this is that he started an affair with you to have sex. He grew to dislike you and wanted out, hence the nasty things he said on the way out. You should regret having an affair with a married man whether it ended this way or not. In this case, you got exactly what you deserved. You are both gross.

This. He wanted to cement his exit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

Is this what happened to you, OP? If that's OP, above.

Sounds like a case of true colors showing at the end. Nasty statements are an easy and effective way to push the other person away quickly and definitively. Rather than wasting time lying about "it's not you, it's me" and "letting you down gently" as the saying goes, it's simpler to be honest and just blow everything up sometimes. Unless the other person decides to take revenge by outing the affair to the wronged spouse, of course....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret the affair, but not because of how it ended (and in my case, it ended really violently, and there is a restraining order in place so that we don’t contact each other again).

I regret not having the emotional skills to identify and address my own issues. All the affair did was exacerbate an already bad situation, and the whole thing could have been avoided, had I been a more emotionally developed person.

I don’t feel like a whore, because I didn’t take money or anything of value in exchange for sex. We were both lying, because affairs are lies, but I wasn’t being used for sex. The whole thing would have been easier to end had it just been sex.

We? Is it against you? You were dumped? Were you both married??

No it’s against him. But I have no desire to contact him. I ended it. He took the breakup badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

Is this what happened to you, OP? If that's OP, above.

Sounds like a case of true colors showing at the end. Nasty statements are an easy and effective way to push the other person away quickly and definitively. Rather than wasting time lying about "it's not you, it's me" and "letting you down gently" as the saying goes, it's simpler to be honest and just blow everything up sometimes. Unless the other person decides to take revenge by outing the affair to the wronged spouse, of course....

Sometimes they see it as an only option when the “I’m busy” and the ignoring of texts/messages isn’t delivering the message adequately. Person keeps hanging on. Frustration builds and they set off the bomb and cut contact. They likely had been trying to leave without a scene for fear gi a bunny boiler but in the end just went for it.

[Anonymous]

I “dumped” him. I did not say anything mean, but I indicated that I could no longer keep in contact with him. It hurt a lot for me, but I don’t know how it felt for him because I have not contacted him since and vice versa. We were deluding ourselves into thinking that we could stay friends without any sexual component and I still had very strong feelings for him.

An affair is a dead end relationship and dysfunctional at its core but it doesn’t feel that way to the participants in the midst of it.